Narcissism Vs Narcissist

I had never known the true meaning of what it meant to be narcissistic till I lived through being with one and then went through therapy. I have learned by portraying selfish behavior that there is a difference between the two. The term narcissist can be thrown around so much. I find it used out of context as much as the word love, and when I say that, I don't mean just by slander but by it being put in terms of a person who doesn't even know themselves what it is.

After my 18th birthday, I finally got the courage to leave my abusive relationship of 4 years. It was one of the most challenging decisions, yet relieving ones. When we are in relationships, we invest time and make ourselves vulnerable. Still, for a narcissist, it is more of an opportunity to gain control, and then once they get hold of that fulfillment, they feel empowered. There are different types of narcissists there are altruistic narcissists, benevolent narcissists, covert narcissists, grandiose, malignant, and last but not least communal. I will go over these throughout the reading.

I left my abusive relationship of four years, and I didn't end up in any better relationships after. I never addressed my attachment to narcissism until after I hit rock bottom with my addiction at age 24 and realized what was happening in my life with toxic relationships I would feel consumed by. I had taken the time to take steps to educate myself as I was healing. I realized I was not a victim anymore but making others my victim, but not by acts of vengeance rather resentment to relationships and protection of myself; subconsciously, I became a covert narcissist. A narcissistic personality disorder is considered a mental health condition that can be overlooked alot of times. The most challenging thing about this disorder is it can be misdiagnosed, and then also alot of the time, people will believe it is something that people label others out of wanting to make them look bad. Still, the reality is this disorder is inherited most of the time. Crazy to believe it is almost as if this disorder is contagious by being narcissistic. Just a matter of what type of narcissism. In some of my relationships, I was willing to give up whatever made me happy just to make them happy, but this was after I had gone through the wringer of domestic violence. This turned into me losing value in my needs for myself. For example, if I was hungry and had some food, but one of my co-workers didn't have lunch, I would offer them my lunch, knowing I could eat when I got off work. This is considered altruistic behavior. To be an altruistic narcissist is when they become under their own self-concept that they are a supreme caregiving person and are correct in their wrongdoing because they are caring enough. An example of this would be a guardian who is abusive but has an obsession with always having babies or adopts alot or even takes people in and try to persuade them into their own ways with force over time.

I had never gotten to this extent because I never tried to persuade my partners or therefore want to care for alot of people at once. Still, in childhood, if the child is subjected to adult tasks such as watching over the siblings all the time, cooking for them, etc., they could possibly develop this sense of behavior in adulthood.

I would say that half my life, I had been a benevolent person and when I say that, it means genuine and kind. However, at one point in my life, I did become a benevolent narcissist. When I was at work, and I was in an unhealthy work environment, everyone was always trying to one-up a then tear eachother down. So I began to go above and beyond but for all the wrong reasons. It was praise and some attention with how well I worked under pressure. As a result, I didn't achieve anything but madness. I was doing what I could to be grandiose, which means impressive and ambitious, and there are times when I still am this way. Never did I get to the point of being a grandiose narcissist. This type of personality is overconfident and feels superior and, in return, will exploit others for self-gain and crazy to say but alot of this goes on in social media others using others stories for followers or likes. It is a difference when it is in a relationship though this person will be aggressive and remind who the boss is. I would say I have dated a few of those; this is not only meant though towards one gender women can be just as narcissistic as men if not worse, all depends on the type of narcissism and if they even recognize what they are doing. When we have to be careful with vulnerability at times, especially after the trauma, we can become malignant, which is an extraordinary word for spiteful or hostile towards a partner because we are still in protection mode from past trauma, but there is a difference when it turns into malignant narcissism. The way this is overlooked is because of insecurities in people. We are all human, and we all have them just a matter of how we deal with those insecurities, just as there is a difference between being malignant and malignant narcissism, same with someone insecure. Malignant narcissist is overly suspicious; they lack empathy, and everything is personal for them, and they can either be obsessed with control and abuse or be quick to discard people in their lives to get what they want. I don't know if you have ever seen the movie Enough starring Jennifer Lopez, but the husband she marries is the perfect example of this. He was cheating while she would stay home, cook, and clean he provided her with a fancy house extravagant things, and then when she finds out he's cheating, she confronts him, and he tries to control her and reminds her if he can't have her no one will. He was quick to discard her if he couldnt control her, and he always suspected she would leave him. I don't want to ruin the movie if you have seen it but definitely watch it if interested. Now, coming to the final form of narcissism, communal, relates to altruism, but the difference is that this person is not a social butterfly but claims they are pro-social. They will brag or talk about the good deeds they have done and be great at listening and connecting. This type of narcissism is a new form and hard to diagnose because this type of personality is a mixture of being grandiose and hard to recognize. After all, they actually put in work to society.

An example would be someone who goes for a job interview that is nothing they know anything about, and instead of being honest and telling the employer they have no experience, they go along and fake it and play it off well by doing research prior and then when in the job role never admit and go on faking it till they make it. Another example would be when you get in a relationship, and you share some of your past experiences with your partner, and they tell you I would never do those things to you, and then they end up doing it but manipulate you into thinking it was a mistake, or they will do better next time, and they may act like they try but its all an act. At one point in our lives, we have been the victim of or been the narcissist, and it takes healing then recognize our behaviors and traits and what is toxic and what is just who we are. A person who doesn't know they have a problem is one thing, but someone who recognizes there is a problem and doesn't care to fix it is another all about learning and being human in this world that's developing more and more into a robotic atmosphere value your traits but notice the ones that are potentially harming you and others.