My theme for 2021: More love

I’ve spent the past two+ years going deep into shadow work. Uncovering the maladaptive coping mechanisms I’d developed from abusive relationships and non-relationships and generally just being unhappy for much of my 20s. It’s been transformative and in the past six months I’ve had some serious breakthroughs.

I’ve never really been one to hate myself. I’ve gone through short periods of time where I hated things I’ve done or felt like I wasn’t being true to myself and my values, but I never really had a lot of true hate for myself.

Then again, I’ve gone through longer periods where I didn’t really love myself either. I liked myself well enough, but love? Maybe? I’ve also gone through long periods of time where I was hesitant to really love other people, friends and romantic entanglements alike. And there were times that I felt like no matter how much I loved myself, I was unlovable to others.

So 2021 is going to be the year of Love (yes, with a capital L) for me. Love for myself and Love for others and Love for life in general.

Self-love is more than just self-acceptance. It’s treating myself like I would treat a lover. It’s taking care of myself. Eating nourishing foods (and “nourishing” doesn’t just mean healthy, it also means comfort foods that are good for my mental health). Moving my body in ways that feel good, whether that’s yoga or hiking or dancing or whatever.

And self-love is creating boundaries for myself, too. It’s letting the people I choose to have in my life know when they’re crossing those boundaries. It’s holding myself accountable to the boundaries I’ve set and not relaxing them without some forethought. Boundaries can change, but they need to change for the right reasons.

It’s not all about me, though. I also want to be better about letting the people I care about — friends and family alike — know that I love them. Not just telling them, but showing them. That can come in so many different forms and I plan to try all the ones I can think of.

We need to normalize loving platonic relationships. I’ve grown a lot in this area in the past couple of years but I want to keep growing. I want to get super comfortable with showering my loved ones with ooey-gooey displays of my love for them (within the limits and confines they’re comfortable with, of course).

I want to share Love with random strangers, too. That can be as simple as leaving a larger-than-normal tip for a meal, smiling at a stranger, complimenting someone on their outfit, holding the door open for someone, or any of a million other little gestures that show people there is Love and kindness and caring in the world. Because when we show people Love, it spreads. Whether they do it consciously or not, they spread that Love to others they encounter. And the world definitely needs more of that.

Beyond that, I set the intention this year of calling in my soulmate. I don’t know if I already know my soulmate (there are one or two people I can think of that might fit the bill) or if it will be someone entirely new. I have no idea how it will come about, but I’m not worried about the details.

I had a transformative integration experience last fall where I knew that whoever my soulmate is, they’re on their way and will show up when the time is right. But, being an Aries with a moon in Sagittarius, ascendent in Leo, and Venus in Aries, I’m not exactly patient when it comes to these things. So I’ve let the Universe know that this is the year for it. Hopefully she cooperates.

2020 was a rough year for pretty much everyone on earth. Even the people who have undergone massive, life-changing transformations. We’ve all been through the trenches, and the entire world is dealing with small-t trauma. We’re not out of those trenches yet. There's a lot of hard work ahead but there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.

As we fully come into the Age of Aquarius (cue The 5th Dimension song…sorry if that gets stuck in your head for the next few days...), the time is right to bring Love to the forefront of our existence and our everyday lives. Love should not be something that’s reserved for only a select few people, immediate family, or actual romantic lovers. Love should be part of our connections with all of the humans we share our lives with.

Starting by loving ourselves, even if it’s in small, simple ways like making sure we stay hydrated or doing something that makes us smile, is key. When we fill our own cups with Love, we can’t help that it runs over to everyone around us.