My First Ever Love

My first ever love ❤️

I hate that I feel this way about you. Hate the fact that I can’t have you. Lost for words and tongue tied when around you. Ready to risk it all, drop everything to be beside you. I know ur not ready and I respect that. But I’d be lying if I said the fact that your impact on me isn’t a lot and it takes so much to admit that. When I see you once I gotta look again. And then another and another, just to take the moment in. Live for the times I make you smile, make you laugh. Trying to find the right things to say to make that moment last.

I wanna have your heart, body, and soul. Wanna make you mines and never let you go. Hoping one day that all my love and support shows, that I’m the only one you need as long as you lemme know. How ur feeling inside. Or just can’t decide if u want me or do you just need a lil time. Told you multiple times I’d be there for ya hell and back, knowing in my mind ur not ready to give me that back. Hate the fact that our past got us so fucked up. Cause if I had the opportunity, I wouldn’t mess it up. Treat you like a king put u on a pedestal, please you however you want just show me how you like it tho. Wet dreams of thinkin bout how it would feel and be for you to be inside of me. Got me ready for anything you want, ready to serve you on my knees. I wanna lay up with you and cuddle with and share the nights breeze.

I want you to run ur hands through my hair and say you love me as I please. Rather it’s in braids, puff or twist I wonder if it’d make a difference. Cause no matter what I do it seems that I’m not what interests you, like the other girls do when they hurt you or brought pain to you. What you don’t understand is I’ve been through pain too. Most traumatic pain of my life and still had the strength to explain it to you. Opened up like a book about my insecurities and problems too. Wishing I could get the same from you. I wanna know what makes you tick, makes you hard for and hour or two. What you have an appetite for or whatchu down to do. Flick ur tongue between my lips and make me cry for you. Do u wanna take over or lemme ride it for u. Backwards, forwards, circular motion or w/e patterns u do. Damn u got my heart racing every time I’m around you. Wondering if u feel what I feel or am I just not for u. Always wondering about the next time I’ll see u. Our encounters are always great but I never can even think bout why we went through what we went through. God I wish I could know ur mental. Just to see how u think. Wondering why no matter what you’ll never be into me. Tell me what I gotta do for u my love to see. Always wanted to see how ur lips would taste on me. If you can take over my body and leave me speechless, leaving me restless, thinkin bout the next time u gon hit and bless this. Flower and beautiful temple I hide and protect,but that’s only cause I don’t wanna reck anything perfect. Cause from day one all you ever showed was love and respect. But none of this even really justifies that fact that I’m heartbroken and confused cause you don’t love me back. I wanna be treated like a queen. I wanna wake up to good morning texts from you popping up on my screen. I want you to cherish me even if it might seem that I’m not satisfied with me.

Tell me that I’m enough and just tell me you on my team. Tell me you gon ride for me even when I’m mean, sad, angry or in misbelief. That there’s any kind of way that u can be into me. I could write a whole novel about what you mean to me. But just don’t have the courage to tell you what I really see. A beautiful temple, an artwork by Jesus. I wanna kiss ever part of u and I want you to caress. All down my body till i get chills, whisper in my ear and ask me what I feel. As you go even deeper and I’m calling out ya name. Damn boy why can’t you just feel the same. These feelings I have just don’t seem to be going away. Just give me the word and baby imma stay.