My father never had me in his tears

My father never had me in his tears

At the age of 60, my father's cerebellum atrophied, he became slow, forgetful, and had a speech impediment, especially prone to sadness and happiness. My mother said that my father could no longer express what was in his heart with words, except for crying and laughing, which were still under his control. The words that could not be spoken eventually turned into these two emotions.

When my father called out the names of the children in the family, he always misrepresented them, and when I said them for him, he laughed in embarrassment. Sometimes I see my father looking around the house and ask him what he is looking for, and he says, "TV, no, tape recorder, not ......" Before my father finishes, I ask, "It's a radio, right?" My father nodded his head and laughed heartedly. My father often wears his clothes backward, and when I say "wear it backward", he rubs his head and laughs.

When my father was sunbathing on the roadside, I met someone who greeted him, and when I noticed that my father did not look like his old self, I asked my mother, "What is he?"

"Cerebellar atrophy ......" Before the mother could finish, the father whimpered and cried. The mother said that the father knew he "couldn't" and needed to be taken care of, so he got sad.

Aunt came to see father, just sit down father will whimper and cry, father cry, aunt also cry, while crying, said: "my brother is how good people, not too young how to get this disease ......"

The aunt said, try to come less, come to the net to make the father cry, look at the heart sad. Although this said, after a few days she came again.

The year my father turned sixty-six, my aunt called and said that after the New Year we all go to my uncle's house and take a few family photos. The uncle's house has three floors, the house is big and bright, and many people can stand open. I was a little upset because after my father got sick, his whole spirit collapsed and he looked dull, so I didn't agree with him taking family photos. My aunt said that it was okay not to shoot, she asked me to ask for a few clearer photos of my father, because the first month of the 21st is my father's birthday, my cousin wanted to give my father a song at the TV station and needed a few photos.

I immediately objected: "No, no, if father likes these, we would have given him a song."

My aunt didn't take the photos from me, but my cousin was stubborn and ordered songs for my father anyway. The lack of photos didn't stop the playing.

From the day of my father's birthday, the jukebox played the songs ordered by my cousin for three days in a row. On the third day of the jukebox, I came home to get my things and saw my father sitting on the sofa staring at the TV, and the jukebox played the song "A Good Man Lives Well" that my cousin had ordered for my father, and my father wept until the song was finished, and his tears were not yet confined. My mother said my father watched and cried three times, and this time he was moved to tears.

I discussed with my mother, that next year, on my father's birthday, I gave him a song, go to the photo studio in advance to take a few family photos, then play the song and put the photos, so that my father was moved once.

In July of that year, my father died after a long illness.

When my father was alive, I always ignored his expression. When I think about it now, after my father got sick, he laughed mostly because he did the "wrong" thing and said the "wrong" thing, which was a kind of self-deprecation; he cried, half of it was the bitterness that overflowed from his heart, and half of it was the emotion that flowed from his true feelings. My father often laughed at me after he got sick, but never cried to me because I always "lectured" him, he did not dare to reveal his inner pain to me, and I did not do anything to move him, so my father never had me in his tears.