My Experience with Biphobia
A personal retelling of my experiences with biphobia
If you don’t know me personally you may not know that I identify as bisexual. No big deal. At least not for me and the people I choose to surround myself with. However, I’ve had to encounter some pretty poor interpretations of what bisexuality means. There are aggressions towards all members of the queer community but here I’m going to address a few of my personal experiences with ignorant humans.
Disclaimer: experiences for bisexuals varies for everyone and I’m sure there will be some incidences I don’t address. If you have anything to add or ask about this article my Instagram is open to any questions (@alice_the_sad). I’d much rather people ask than remain confused or pretend to understand.
1. ‘How will you ever get married if you always change your mind?’
This was the first thing someone said to me that made me realise bisexuality wasn’t as understood as I anticipated it being. I wasn’t even sure how to respond because it sounded like an insult even though it was just a question. From my point of view, bisexuality isn’t liking one gender on weekdays and one gender on weekends. I’m attracted to both genders at the same time, there isn’t switch around where one gender is suddenly off the cards. Sometimes (I’m not sure if this is just me) when I have a bad experience with one gender it might put me off dating that gender for a period of time but its never a complete write off.
After explaining this to this stranger, I think he left the conversation with a better understanding of how the sexuality works and I don’t think he meant it as an insult at all, he just didn’t know any better.
2. ‘Don’t you think you’re being greedy?’
What? Excuse me? I’ve never had this be told to me personally but many of my friends have. Attraction isn’t a quantifiable concept, it’s the same concoction of hormones anyone can feel regardless of their sexuality. The same way we shouldn’t shame people with many sexual partners we shouldn’t shame people for being attracted to more than one gender.
3. ‘Are you 50:50 men to women?’
To me, this isn’t an offensive question. I actually really enjoy discussing this with other people who identify as queer because I think viewing sexuality on a spectrum is far more accurate than asserting labels. If you are going to ask this question, please be aware the answer is allowed to change. Like I mentioned before, my preferences change with my experiences and that’s perfectly ok. ‘Bi’, of course, translates to two however people who identify as bi may be attracted to more than two genders since gender is also something that works better on a spectrum.
4. ‘So, did you ever have a crush on me?’
This is an incredibly awkward thing to ask. When I first came out to my friends, I was worried they would be afraid to have sleepovers with me in case I tried anything in the night. They never felt that way though, it was a fear I’d generated after hearing this question be asked to the single person who was out in my secondary school. What are you supposed to say to this? If you say yes is that person going to turn around and treat you differently in case you try something? If you say no, are they going to be offended and avoid you forever? I’m not sure if you’ve gathered yet but I’m a huge over thinker but there is literally no way to answer this and it not be cringey.
5. ‘Have you ever done it with a straight girl?’
I hate the fact that my sexuality is considered a sexy trait. Imagine if someone told you they were asexual, and someone responded with ‘that’s hot’. It just makes no sense, it’s not a choice I’ve made or something I’ve worked for, its just the way I am. This statement specifically grosses me out because sexualising a sexuality really triggers me and if someone bisexual has done it with a straight girl, more often than not it suggests they were used by a straight woman as an experiment. Experiments aren’t sexy, from my experience they’re usually cruel. Maybe that’s just me.
I’ve been told I come across as an angry bisexual woman before and I’m sure I will again, I just can’t help it. I know these issues aren’t as vicious some of the trials the queer community face, but they are still views that need fixing. I hope this is either relatable content or helps alter a false interpretation.