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My Coming Out Story

by sydney . 2 years ago in lgbtq

How I came out by accident

I am bisexual, I first noticed things at the age of eight. I was in the third grade, and I was a little too intrigued by Samantha. I originally told myself that she's my best friend, so of course I'm intrigued by her, but then came fifth grade and I DEFINITELY knew something was up. I again, being a confused 10 year old, ignored the constant daydreaming about her, and tried to focus on Jaime, the guy that wouldn't leave me the fuck alone. I should cut him slack though, it was fifth grade, everyone is obsessed with their crush... hell I was as obsessed with Samantha as he was obsessed with me.

A couple years later, seventh grade started. Samantha had gone to a different middle school and I didn't have a phone so, bye bye Samantha. I had kept quiet about my feelings towards her, because I had never heard any of my other girl friends talk about other girls in the way I thought about Samantha. I had a boyfriend this year, did I actually like him? No I don't think so. I think I just liked the adrenaline I got from holding his hand as we walked through center quad. Why did I date him then? I have absolutely no idea. We had gone to school together since kindergarten, and, me being the tomboy I was, was always kind of a bully to him, but he never took it to heart and knew it was my way of being friendly. I eventually broke up with him using the iconic "its not you, its me" line, I know HOW SHITTY and original but... when you think about it, it's kinda true. It WAS me, I was the bi one.

Skip a year to my freshmen year of high school, I was at lunch with my best friend that I had just made that year, and that's when she walked up. We'll call her... Patricia. Patricia was close friends with the best friend I had made, but I never knew this because I was a blind and oblivious bat. I was immediately stricken by Patricia; she was all I thought about for weeks. I hardly saw her because our classes were never near each other, and she never hung out with my best friend and I. It was around the end of freshmen year when I was at my best friend's house and Patricia randomly came over. I, of course, had to keep it cool because I hadn't told anyone about my feelings, or anything about my questioning of my sexuality. I stayed cool the rest of that night until I had to leave, and as soon as I got home, I googled the shit out of what I was feeling. The most looked at pages on my internet history were "Do I like a girl" quizzes, "How to know if you're gay" articles, and anything and everything about the LGBTQ+ community. Of course I had heard about the community, but I had never ACTUALLY looked into it at all, or knew what LGBTQ+ stood for. That night changed my perspective on EVERYTHING. I figured out that I was bisexual, and it was the same feeling I had felt towards males, that I felt for females.

Man, after that night, I was a one woman pride parade. I felt like the shit, and that I was so superior because I was attracted to both genders. I had pride pins on my backpack, and had stickers on my binders and notebooks.

I still hadn't come out to my parents about it so I had to hide my stickers and take off the pins before I went home. I don't know why I didn't tell them sooner, my sister was out about being pansexual by this time, so I know that they would've accepted my sexuality, but in a way, I didn't want to be a disappointment. I know they accepted my sister's sexuality, but I know, deep down, they didn't quite understand it and wished she was straight. So I felt like if I came out as bi, they would've thought "oh geez not you too." Also, I had been compared to my sister my entire life so another part of me didn't want to hear "You're just saying that because your sister isn't straight," or "Of course you are, your sister came out, so of course you just HAD to be something too." So I kept quiet to them up until the end of sophomore year when I wanted a pride flag in my room. I didn't have a credit card of my own, so I had to ask my parents every time I wanted to buy something online. Well, I had found a pride flag on Amazon that I really wanted so I was going to ask them to buy it for me. I thought my mom was the only one in my parent's room when I started talking before I got fully into the room. I immediately regretted my words when I saw my dad sitting in the room... by himself. He is a military man so he was my biggest fear about coming out, I wanted to tell him last, but I guess I'd have to tell him first. He already heard me asking for something and he wasn't going to drop it unless I told him. So I went ahead and did it.

I asked him to buy me the flag, he then asked why I wanted it and I said "because."

He looked confused and asked, "oh is it because your sister is pan?"

I could've easily told him yes, but I knew he could've asked follow up questions that I would've chocked on.

So I said it "No, I'm bi."

He didn't know what that was, so I had to briefly explain it to him and then awkwardly walked out and thanked him for buying the flag. I came out to my mom a couple days later, and I still haven't come out to my grandparents.

I am very fortunate to have parents that accept my sexuality, I know this is not the case for everyone. I wanted to share my experience with coming out for many reasons. One, was to have my story in writing. Two, was to give any closeted person a positive experience to read about. Three, was to reach out to any closeted people that might be reading by chance. I know that coming out to anyone, not only your parents, is super scary. And I am not going to sit here and tell you "just do it, you'll be happier once you do" because it's easier said than done. I wanted to let you know that I am a person that you can reach out to. I will not be able to come out to people for you, but I can share a more in depth version of my story and I can help you with ways to come out, the right moment for yourself, and anything you might need. My email is sydney.vocal.media.com

lgbtq

sydney .

i write when i feel so strongly about something that this becomes my only outlet.

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sydney .
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