Mother

I am first aware of my mother as a sound, a touch, a feeling. Most of what I know of those soft early times are not my own memories but photographs and stories. I know I was made in a haunted hotel in Colorado. I know that people would pat her belly and sing the jingle, "Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee." I know that I am made of pully bread with pineapples and cream cheese. I know that after I was born, she would laugh as I laughed. I know that she would coo when I would coo. I had love and grace and joy and realism to grow with because of her. I know that as I grew up, I would be lucky enough to get to witness a woman with power.

My mother worked at a television station in the 80's and early 90's. The inner sanctum of "the news", the studios and the offices, the cafeteria, backstage, that is where I sometimes played. I can still smell the reams of paper and toner, stale coffee, plywood, carpet and cologne. She worked her way up from the traffic department to Vice President of Community Affairs. I watched a woman work hard and succeed, that a woman could succeed. I saw her corner office, I saw her power suits, I saw her authority and confidence. She would go to fancy charity balls, awards ceremonies and events wearing the most exquisite gowns. She would transform from mom into "The Empress" in creamy satin and silk, glittering sequins and lace; eyes bright, hair perfectly coiffed and smelling of Opium perfume. Power seemed magical to me then, a perfectly natural state of being.

It's only later you learn how hard it is to be a woman and hold onto power. I learned what misogyny looked like when she would come home from work, and I could see the frustration, hurt and anger in her eyes. It had an almost palpable electricity, and it turned her denim eyes into a vibrant and alien blue. I learned, too, what it looked like when a woman realizes she has power that cannot be taken away. Power that cannot be taken away because it was never a gift. Power that was hers to do with as she wished because it was hers. My incredible mom refused to be a woman kept under a thumb, she refused to have her worth defined by opinion, and with a plan to keep doing good on her own terms-she evolved. She had (and still has) the remarkable gift of being a conduit for people with resources looking to support people in need. One of the most meaningful lessons I have ever learned was not a proverb, it was through action: those with power help those without. I watched her success become our city's success, connecting with other powerful women and organizations-creating a network of giving and relief. I watched her fulfill her destiny of faith and justice, create endless opportunities for self-expression and fulfilment, engender a deep respect and mutual care for women and those in need in our community.

When I became a mother, she was by my side guiding me through that new and terrifying world. Without her support and friendship, I think I would have lost myself completely. Being a new mother was a lonely time for me. My friends evaporated into their own lives, leaving me confused and emotionally tender. The love that she gave to me and my brother magnified for my son; and magnified my own love for her. With my son, she became Gab, a name that was beyond perfect for this fun and funny woman.

My mother is so much more than an inspiration to me, even as I experience her same trajectory: education, love, hard work, success, power and the misogyny that all women with power experience. She is wisdom and perseverance mirrored in my life as I forge my own way in this world and care for a family of my own. She is my best friend, she is my confidant, she is my sounding board and reality check. She is the woman that is still using her superpowers to help those in need, the woman with style, the woman that watches BBC mysteries with me (over and over again), the only saint that will play Scrabble with me, an incredible Southern cook, an amazing grandmother, and in general, our Queen.

Kathy, mom, you are a miracle. There is more to you than even this, but no magician should reveal all their secrets. I know that I can succeed in this world because I see you do it every day with honesty, integrity, humor, grace and grit. I love you.