Mississippi's Most Wanted

My best friend, Katie, and I became super good friends when I moved into one of the available bedrooms in the quad she lived in on campus, at Eastern Oklahoma State College. One day were in a meeting for the Student Government Association on campus and I was ranting about how much I hated my dorm and I was tired of the communal bathroom situation, not to mention acting as the RA for the floor because I was the SGA President. Ugh not a job I wanted in the dorm with the Ag Guys (great friends but horrible stewards). Anyway, Katie told me she had just had a roommate move out so there was a room open. I didn’t so much as take a breath before I marched down to the Housing Office to get that open room. Needless to say, I got the room, moved in, and the rest is history. We have been friends ever since, and some of the shenanigans we have gotten ourselves into have been anything but ordinary.

For instance, one time after Katie and I had moved into an apartment in Norman, Oklahoma we got the bright idea we would travel to Florida, since I had never been to the ocean. So, at 6:00 p.m. on a Saturday evening we jumped in my Toyota Corolla and headed to the beach. We made it to West Monroe, Louisiana by 3:00 a.m. We had a little trouble finding a hotel that didn’t make us fear for our life… I even hit a pole in the middle of the Red Roof Inn parking lot with no cars around. Heavens… did I mention I’m an excellent driver?

The next day we would set out to Florida, but not before hitting up some Cajun chicken. Because, truly I think it’s a written law somewhere that thou shalt have Cajun, fried chicken when in Louisiana. Anyhoo, the next state in line is Mississippi. Now, Mississippi is such an interesting state. And for us, it especially became a place we would despise for the rest of eternity. It all started with Vicksburg. I am a massive history buff and so anything Civil War related; I have to go to. Yes… I am a nerd. Now to all whom may go one day, when you go to the Vicksburg Civil War Monument in Mississippi you have to go into the one entrance and pay to do so. Once I realized this, I asked the nice lady at the Security Office if I could turn around and exit the entrance of the civil war monument and leave the way I came in. The nice lady said I could and so, therefore I proceeded to do so. Now, mind you, we had been on the road since West Monroe, Louisiana, and... uhhh girls gotta go to the bathroom a lot! So, I stopped at the attached, what I thought was a rest stop, so we could go in and use the restroom. You guys would too, right? Well so we thought until a very short, robust woman came marching towards me while I looked at the $0.69 post cards. Poor Katie was in the bathroom while I thought that I might have met my demise in the form of a 4’2” beast of a lady. The woman said in a very loud, thundering (very deep for such a small lady) voice, “YOU NEED TO LEAVE, YOU DID NOT PAY”. And honestly, if you must know anything about me, let it be this: I am 5’10” and I hate to be yelled at by anyone who isn’t either looking me in the eyes or who can look down at me. If you are shorter than me, please do not come yelling at me. Approach me calmly and we’re good. Not hard, right? As the woman approached me, she did not lower her voice any and continued to say the same, loud phrase over and over. And then it happened… my fuse got lit. There I was about to throw down with the security guard in a Mississippi rest stop, when I saw her put her hand on her gun. That’s right folks… lady gave me the ole hand on gun move. Now… I’m from Pushmataha County, Oklahoma y’all… those types of things just don't rattle me like most. So, what did I do? I stood up straight (to show my height, ya know … ha mistake) and said, “Well miss I didn’t know I had to pay to pee. What kind of joint you guys running here in Nowhere, Ten Buck Two, Mississippi?” Oh Lord… you would have thought that I called her mama ugly. She saw red and I was her target. She came at me like a bull after a red cape. I stood my ground folks… I was mouthing all the way back down the hallway leading outside to the parking lot. Heck, I might have brought up her mama for all I know. Looking back, I can’t remember but I know myself well enough to know I was letting her have it, in the most redneck, Push County, I was raised in Finley, Oklahoma, come at me you Mississippi heathen, way I could. Geeze… wanting me to pay to pee. Hooligans. Ugh sometimes I get fired up just thinking about it.

LONG (dramatic might I add) story short, I yanked my arm away from the lady, found Katie (whom is so nice this predicament would have never happened if I had just let her handle it and followed her lead—spoiler alert! Not my style.), and drove my janky, pole-whacked Corolla down the one-way where I had to then hop a rather large curb to get into the correct lane. Flipping the bird to the world as I exited the Vicksburg Civil War Monument, where, if you folks ever grace the door of the rest area at the entrance, you’ll probably see my face on a “most wanted” sign.

I NEVER go back to Mississippi. EVER! Possibly because of the officer telling us not to ever come back and to get the heck out… but that’s only a maybe. I’ll never tell. hehehe