Miss Independent - That's Why I Love Her

Being in a relationship is great. Two (or more) people who love each other and enjoy spending time together; it's wonderful. Having someone who sticks by you and supports you through thick and thin feels good, it really does. However, your significant other shouldn't take up your whole life. I'm not saying you shouldn't treat them like they're special or make an effort for them. What I mean is that I see people make their partner the all-consuming centre of their life, or they become dependent on them. There is a big difference between a loving and supportive relationship, and an unhealthy and demanding one.

I personally believe you should be your own number one, and your own top priority. You're not responsible for anyone else, in the same way that no one's responsible for you. You need to be able to keep yourself happy and healthy. Relying on someone else to do this for you makes you dependent and vulnerable. Everyone has their own self to take care of, and you shouldn't burden them with the responsibility of your life as well.

I've been in a co-dependent relationship in the past, and it completely ate away at my identity. My friends and family would later tell me how frustrating it was for them that I could never make plans or give them answers to anything before checking with my partner, and making sure they were okay. As an adult, you need to be at least somewhat independent. Of course, sometimes we all need help, support, and advice. But you can't rely on other people to make choices and decisions for you, and to look after your general wellbeing. Do you really wanna be that person who leans on someone else for everything? Don't you want to be the self-reliant boss of your own life?

Of course, this experience taught me a lesson. I think the only needs you should put in front of your own, are those of your children (if you have any). You need to take care of yourself and your own life first, that has to be your first concern. I'll compare it to an emergency situation: On a plane, if a dangerous situation occurs, you're advised to put on your own oxygen mask or life vest before helping others. If you help others first, you may not get to help yourself, and worst case scenario, you could die. The same strategy should be applied to your life and your relationships. If you keep putting someone else's needs first, when will you get to take care of your own?

To want someone but not need them is an amazing feeling, especially when you know it's mutual. Being with someone who doesn't need you to do stuff for them, who doesn't constantly require your attention to feel good, and is okay doing their own thing... it's so much easier. It's great to be in love and enjoy someone's company, and to at the same time know you'd be okay without them. I'm not saying you should be stone-cold and can't be sad if you break up. If you love someone, losing them will hurt. But you need to have a life outside of the relationship, and have your own things to focus on.

You are the only person in your life who is always going to be in it. No one else is permanent. You have no guarantees with the people around you, so you need to be able to carry yourself. Independence is a beautiful feeling. To know that you're in charge, in control, and that you have your own back. Focus on being your own front line cheerleader and truly rooting for yourself. You are the star of the show.