Mental Health

She sat at her dressing table removing her makeup, she was exhausted. Earlier that day some memories popped up on her Social Media of people telling her how inspiring she was and how they just wish that they could be more like her. She remembered how then she was so motivated. She had so much drive, passion and commitment to succeeding and helping other people succeed.

She looked in the mirror, without makeup she had dark circles under her tired eyes, something she had never had. Her skin was always perfect and glowing. Now she just doesn’t have the energy to even try and keep that up. Her eyes seem empty, lost. She sits looking at herself hardly recognising the person she sees in front of her. She doesn’t have time to cry so she puts on some moisturiser and comes out of the dressing room closing the door behind her to listen to her partner who is struggling at the moment.

She didn’t know when they got together but she recently found out how bad his mental health was, he had seen Psychologists and Psychiatrists, but nothing had worked and he has been declining. Hurting himself, hating himself, it’s a constant battle in his mind. Not thinking that he deserves anything. He tells her how much he hates his life, not her, but everything else. He doesn’t deserve to live. He has been thinking about ending it again but she shouldn’t worry because he is not going to. She is holding back the tears because last time she cried he lost it even more saying that now he is hurting her and feels even more worthless. She just sits there, not even sure if she is listening anymore because this has gone on for weeks now. It's all turned into a blur and the days just seem to go on forever. Anything she says is returned with resistance and more anger. So she stops saying anything. Just agrees with certain comments and says she understands.

She wants to help him so much. How can she help him? Searching for help online, trying to speak to people. Last time this all happened and he seriously hurt himself the suicide helpline heard her crying down the phone, asked to speak to him but he told them he was fine, whilst his head was bleeding and they believed him and ended the call. So who does she turn to? Who does she have to speak to. He doesn’t want her talking to her friends and family about it because they can’t know.

So at night, alone, she sits and cries. Wondering is this it? Knowing she can’t leave him because he needs her. What will he do without her? Her drive and passion to have an incredible life has gone. What is the point? The dream home, the freedom, the life she had always strived to achieve and wanted since she was a little girl. How was she supposed to help people when she couldn’t help him? Any way he’s the one with the money, she hasn’t had energy to work on her business so her debt doesn’t seem to go away. Where would she go anyway? How would she live? Looks like she has no choice.

She wants him to get better so much, he deserves to have a fulfilled happy life. When he is in a good mood it is amazing, those days are now few and far between. This is her life now. Someone who never suffered from mental health is now on the verge of a breakdown herself. This is her. She isn’t who she used to be.

Mental health is so important, we are sharing so much about how people need to talk but I think more needs to be offered for people helping and living with people with mental health.

No matter what your circumstances, it’s ok, not to be ok.

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