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Men Need Safe Spaces, too.

Could Vocal pioneer a safe space for discussing men's struggles?

By Rachel M.JPublished 2 years ago Updated 2 years ago 13 min read
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Men Need Safe Spaces, too.
Photo by Shane Rounce on Unsplash

Authors note: The following discussion attempts to consider the addition of a male voices community to Vocal from a nuanced perspective. It is a layered topic that needs to be handled with care and discussed through a critical lens. Content warning: mental health, suicide, sexual harassment.

It is plain to see that the development of genuine male issues echo's what can be seen in other groups; men suffer as a consequence of the expectations placed on them by society; they deal with violence, sexual harassment, assault, suicide, mental health, and are subjected to oppressive stereotypes.

The History of Men's Groups

The idea of a 'male voices' group on Vocal is controversial for a reason. When we take a trip down memory lane we can see that the history of the male only space is questionable, at best. The 'men's only' space can be a reminder of a time in which it was the norm to bar women, LGBT+ folk, and people of colour from partaking fully in society. In a sense, it is a potent symbol of oppression.

In more recent years, the men's only space has evolved into a place in which women, LGBT+ folk, and people of colour are not necessarily bared, but are made to feel unsafe simply by being in proximity. Strip clubs, gaming and geek communities, and social media platforms serve as telling examples.

  • Strip clubs are used by male customers as a way to 'cope' with the pressures of performing a masculine identity (Krueger, 2021), and while current popular rhetoric surrounding strip-clubs muses that they could be a place of female empowerment, the research suggests that they often run to the detriment of female performers, who are subjected to increased instances of verbal, physical, and sexual violence (Casanova, 2017).
  • Gaming and Geek communities are notorious for gatekeeping to maintain a dominant male population. This is best evidenced by the 2014 harassment campaign known as 'GamerGate' (more on that here). The research shows that women and people of colour are subject to online harassment as a result of their sex and/or race, and that they receiving hateful comments that deter them from revealing their true identities while gaming (McLean & Griffiths, 2018; TaeHyuk Keum & Hearns, 2021).
  • Similarly, social media platforms have been known to draw the attention of a subclass of men who abuse the structure of the site to radicalise users into extremist views. Some male dominated sub-cultures on Reddit, 4Chan, Facebook, and Twitter have established reputations for being 'echo-chambers' that produce dangerous ideologies held by Incels, Pickup Artists, MRA's, and Alt-Righter's (Phadke & Mitra, 2020).

Given the history and current culture surrounding 'male only' spaces, it is clear why so many companies are put off by the idea. But, despite what the above might suggest, I am actually here to vote in favour of the addition of a 'male voices' group to the Vocal communities. With the turn of the culture men are facing a unique circumstance in which their roles in society are under scrupulous rework, and thus, the role of the male space must pivot to reflect the needs of modern men.

What do Men Say?

The research surrounding men's mental health is telling. Men experience mental health complications as frequently as women, yet, they are less likely to seek help - a fact that becomes further pronounced when considering race and LGBT+ identity (Parent et al., 2016). Men also must grapple with the bigoted beliefs that accompany their suffering. Men diagnosed with anxiety are perceived as weak (Clark et al., 2020), and depressed men are believed to be dangerous and unpredictable (Oliffe et al., 2016). Thus, men's suffering from mental illness is two-fold; not only do men suffer from the initial illness, but they experience greater stress because of it (Brown et al., 2017), and are deterred from seeking help (Oliffe et al., 2016).

Research-papers regarding other male specific issues are hard to come by. The research on radicalisation and bigoted belief systems is plentiful, but one must be prepared for a deep-dive if they wish to uncover the deep rooted issues that men themselves proclaim to be eating at their wellness. Whilst terms such as 'toxic-masculinity', 'mansplaining', and 'manspreading' may have served an important purpose in the past, it will no longer do to summarise men's experiences using over-saturated buzzwords. It is ignorant of us to continue to do so, especially when men are making desperate pleas for help and understanding. Relying only on numbers and buzzwords to summarise the male experience removes a distinct human element from the conversation, and discourages us from tapping into unmarked territory.

And that's where Vocal comes in...

Over the past fortnight I have had the humbling experience of talking with a number of male Vocal users who have expressed their desire for a 'male voices' community. Interestingly, only a few of the struggles disclosed by these men where one's that are explored extensively in the academic literature. In other words, there's a massive gap in understanding between the literature and actual male experiences.

As someone who thought they had it all figured out, it's safe to say that hearing the struggles of every-day men was an eye-opening experience, and one that I wish many other people to experience. The simple action of asking men to open up in a no-judgement zone lead to the sharing of nuanced hardships that can only be truly explored and understood through story-telling. Men don't need a space to complain; men need what all of us do; an invitation to the conversation - a place to explore the complexities of the human condition and how that relates to their experience of manhood.

Why Vocal?

There was no better cheerleader for a men's voices community than Tom Bradbury, and no better mascot for why it is a beautiful idea. He put his heart in his stories, and shared facets of his personality that many of us are too afraid to explore in ourselves. You can see what I mean by reading any of his work... My personal favourite was his 2nd place entry into the wavemakers challenge, How to Make Dandelion Tea;

It was Tom who also brought the need for a male voices community to public awareness. He and his editor Call Me Les explained his reasoning in an earlier article, A Cowboy is More Than its Stetson. It was this piece that inspired myself and many others to explore the idea further.

Call Me Les - who is also the Co-Founder of the Vocal Creators Chronicle - elaborated on Tom's proposal, suggesting a similar community herself. In her vision for a male voices community, she proposed the name 'Hiraeth', meaning 'homesickness.' Indeed, the name carries the essence of what many men claim to be the biggest struggle of the decade; a need to feel at home amongst a changing culture.

Lesley eloquently acknowledges the difficulties that would accompany creating a new Vocal community from a technical and business perspective, but let's also take a moment to empathise with Vocal about why it may to difficult to navigate from a sociocultural lens.

It requires a degree of emotional labour to distinguish between issues that men genuinely experience, and the self-righteous and dangerous 'issues' that Incels, Pickup Artists, and MRA's would have you believe are at the core of male suffering. But once the toxicity is thrown to the wayside, it is plain to see that the development of genuine male issues echo's what can be seen in other groups; men suffer as a consequence of the expectations placed on them by society; they deal with violence, sexual harassment, assault, suicide, mental health, and are subjected to oppressive stereotypes.

When asking Vocal users their opinion on a male voices community, the general consensus is not one of apprehension, but of excitement;

A poll shared on The Vocal Social Society by Call Me Les

Let's address some of the issues that might arise from the addition of a male voices group, and consider why Vocal could be the perfect platform to circumvent these worries.

  • Anonymity: A major factor that leads to harassment and bullying in online forums and gaming communities is the ability for the harasser to remain anonymous. Generally, Vocal writers use their actual names. In the case that they are using a pseudonym, the writer still must share their identity on social media when advertising their work. Problem? Solved!
  • Echo Chambers: Sites like Facebook that rely on advertisements and algorithms increase the likelihood of radicalisation. Social networking sites that reward dominate voices with upvotes and drown out alternate belief systems with downvotes have a reputation of doing the same. Vocal uses neither an algorithm for recommended content, nor an upvote system.
  • Bigotry: The angriest voices are often the loudest, and when they are the loudest of social networking sites with upvote systems this can lead to the development of dangerous ideologies, such as those held by Incels, Pickup Artists, MRA's, and Alt-Right groups. Fortunately, it is against Vocal's community guidelines to publish hate speech and violent rhetoric.

It could be argued that the inherent structure of the Vocal platform circumvents many of the issues that other sites and communities face. But let's not stop there; let's consider what Vocal can offer to the community.

  • Critical Thinking: Vocal does a fantastic job of uplifting voices of every kind. The pieces that are chosen as top-stories and challenge winners encourage readers to think critically and to explore new ideas. These would be the same writers beefing up the male voices community, which is a promising prospect.
  • Diversity: Once again, the voices of Vocal are incredibly unique, and we would see not only a diversity of identity, but a diversity of experience. How fascinating it is to realise that every single user on Vocal has had an incredibly complex and rich life, and we get to hear about it.
  • Exploration: A common theme discussed among male Vocal users is the fear of not being able to speak due to previous experiences of being told that their voice wasn't valid. The male voices community would be a promise to users that Vocal is a place for everyone, and a safe space to share your experiences and explore your identity.

And finally... an alternative

We know that men's tendency to bottle up their emotions is detrimental to their mental health. Yet, when men try to air their grievances, they're often silenced, and are left to grapple with the competing demands to 'open-up' and 'man-up' simultaneously (McQueen, 2017); a confusing double-bind. This is the zero sum game that modern men face; share your grievances with the world... but be prepared to be silenced and shamed when you do.

Indeed, there is rhetoric that suggests that men who are shot down when attempting to discuss their issues turn to online hate-groups as a last resort (more on that here). While these groups may not necessarily reflect the individual's ideologies, they do offer the bare minimum of what a human being needs to be happy; acceptance. So what would happen if men didn't have to play this zero-sum game?

Not only could they have a safe-space to talk about their struggles, but they would have access to an accepting and diverse group of people to share in their experiences. Not just the experiences you find examined in the research or read about in a BuzzFeed article, but a plethora of unique stories, such as Matthew's 'My Potential Problem with Parenthood', and Mike's 'Being a Man'. I'd be excited to hear more from men, especially recollections from boyhood, stories from trouble-maker teen years, or difficult decisions made as an adult. The possibilities are endless, because men's unshared experiences are - evidently - endless.

So, allow me to assume that the Vocal team has thrown up their palms in sheepish acceptance; we have a hypothetical male voices community.

*Hooray*

What would such a community look like? What would it be called?

Tom Bradbury's 'Stetson' is a nice starting point, (and Lesley's Hiraeth is my personal favourite) but we have a few other name's brainstormed by Vocal users; 'Tom's Place' recommended by Gerald, 'Mars', suggested by Graham, 'Wingmen', coined by James, 'Brotherhood', suggested by me, and 'Unity' thrown into the mix by my partner (as he reads this!). Further, while it would make sense to adapt the community tags from the Viva group, a number of additional tags have been brainstormed from Vocal users; Hardships, Fatherhood, Fashion, Comedy, Masculinity, and Music.

Each name and tag presents with good reasoning, but the ball would be in Vocal's court to summon a name that captures the spirit similar to what we see in the Pride and Viva communities. It is my belief - and the belief of many Vocal users - that a male voices community could be a triumphant space for exploring one's identity and experiences. Not just for men, but for the people who wish to celebrate and explore with them, too.

By Caleb Woods on Unsplash

Authors note: A special thank you to James U. Rizzi, who not only helped with edits, but also with the emotional/mental labour of writing this piece.

This piece was featured in the Vocal Creators Chronical, Volume 4. Return to the Chronical for more reading here

Resources

Andy's Man Club is an organisation set in the UK that runs talking groups with men how are struggling. The company ethos is 'It's Okay to Talk'

The Art of Manliness is a website that encourages men to be the best versions of themselves. The site offers practical tips for self-improvement in terms of socialising, practical skills, and physicality (and more).

Macabre Storytelling is a YouTube channel that encourages nuanced dialogue about controversial topics and ideologies. The channel does not shy away from discussing male-centric issues and men's well-being.

For the Love of Men by Liz Plank is a nonfiction book that explores the complex issues faced by modern men, and provides an analysis of the ways in which masculinity can be beautiful and mindful

References

Brown, R. L., Moloney, M. E., & Brown, J. (2017). Gender differences in the processes linking public stigma and self-disclosure among college students with mental illness. Journal of Community Psychology, 46(2), 202-212. https://doi.org/10.1002/jcop.21933

Casanova, A. M. (2017). The Commodification of Desire: Sex, Stereotypes and Stripping [Master's thesis]. https://scholarworks.calstate.edu/downloads/8k71nh70c

Clark, L. H., Hudson, J. L., & Haider, T. (2020). Anxiety specific mental health stigma and help-seeking in adolescent males. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 29(7), 1970-1981. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-019-01686-0

Iwamoto, D. K., Cheng, A., Lee, C. S., Takamatsu, S., & Gordon, D. (2011). “man-ing” up and getting drunk: The role of masculine norms, alcohol intoxication and alcohol-related problems among college men. Addictive Behaviors, 36(9), 906-911. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.addbeh.2011.04.005

Krueger, J. C. (2021). The Fantasy of Masculinity: A Study of Masculinity in Strip Clubs Across Three Midwestern Metropolitan Areas [Doctoral dissertation]. https://www.ideals.illinois.edu/handle/2142/110455

McLean, L., & Griffiths, M. D. (2018). Female gamers’ experience of online harassment and social support in online gaming: A qualitative study. International Journal of Mental Health and Addiction, 17(4), 970-994. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11469-018-9962-0

McQueen, F. (2017). Male emotionality: ‘boys don’t cry’ versus ‘it’s good to talk’. NORMA, 12(3-4), 205-219. https://doi.org/10.1080/18902138.2017.1336877

Oliffe, J. L., Ogrodniczuk, J. S., Gordon, S. J., Creighton, G., Kelly, M. T., Black, N., & Mackenzie, C. (2016). Stigma in male depression and suicide: A Canadian sex comparison study. Community Mental Health Journal, 52(3), 302-310. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10597-015-9986-x

Parent, M. C., Hammer, J. H., Bradstreet, T. C., Schwartz, E. N., & Jobe, T. (2016). Men’s mental health help-seeking behaviors: An intersectional analysis. American Journal of Men's Health, 12(1), 64-73. https://doi.org/10.1177/1557988315625776

Phadke, S., & Mitra, T. (2020). Many faced hate: A cross platform study of content framing and information sharing by online hate groups. Proceedings of the 2020 CHI Conference on Human Factors in Computing Systems. https://doi.org/10.1145/3313831.3376456

TaeHyuk Keum, B., & Hearns, M. (2021). Online gaming and racism: Impact on psychological distress among Black, Asian, and Latinx emerging adults. Games and Culture, 155541202110390. https://doi.org/10.1177/15554120211039082

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About the Creator

Rachel M.J

Magical realist

I like to write about things behaving how they shouldn't ~

Instagram: Rachel M.J

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