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Marriage Scared My Husband

by Noelle W 2 years ago in divorce
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I was only married for a little over a year when my husband so suddenly decided he no longer cared to be married to me anymore.

I knew we were going through something because of how strangely he started acting towards me. I tried reaching out to him, but was met with a cold shoulder. At the time, we were in the process of moving out of our apartment in Texas and move back to his home town in South Carolina. His friend flew down to help us with the move, and as soon as he got here, my husband started acting very differently towards me. I really thought it was just all the stress from the move, and I was very emotional and broke down a lot with the thought of moving away from my family and back to a place that I didn't quite like living before... However, I was ready and committed to making that move for my husband. I knew it was what he wanted and I was ready to move, and even had a job lined up for me at an animal shelter. We stayed a few days extra to spend the 4th of July with my family, and then made the plan to start the long trek to South Carolina the next day. We were having some issues with our trailer that was packed full of our stuff from our apartment together. During this whole time, my husband wouldn't talk very much to me and wouldn't respond when I would hug or kiss him. He generally just ignored me and his friend made things worse by being glued to his hip and not giving us any personal time to figure things out together, when it was obvious something was going on. His friend definitely did not help the situation.

We decided that we couldn't take the trailer because we were afraid it would fishtail too much, towing it with our little Kia. His friend so suddenly decided that he needed to be home as soon as possible (again, just adding more stress to an already stressful situation). So we came to an agreement that they would drive back, I'd stay and figure out how to send some of our stuff to South Carolina and that I would fly down or he would drive back for me. So they left. Few minutes passed and I got a call that they were coming back for me, only because my brother in law called and told him that he would take care of the rest of our things and to come back to get me. When he came back, my best friend texted me, warning me not to go back with him. She said the night previously, he had been texting her, telling her how much he hated being married and how big of a mistake it was and that he didn't wanna be married anymore. Why he told her this and couldn't communicate this to me, his WIFE, I have no clue. Even when I asked him if there was something wrong... So I confronted him about it and he told me that he wanted to be separated. That being married was asking too much of him and that he could no longer carry that on his shoulders anymore. I asked about marriage counseling and any other option, but he refused. I agreed to being separated and to stay in Texas. He talked about flying me down in two weeks or so, so that we could figure things out. And then he walked out the door and took our car. Two days after he had left, I hadn't heard a single thing from him and thought he would have at least called or texted me when they made it safely to South Carolina, but nothing.

I was completely beside myself with emotions, I was so confused at everything that had transpired and was just emotionally wrecked. I finally gave in and called him to ask him what was going on. I remember him answering the phone so cold like, like me calling was a nuisance... I cried, asking him to please tell me whats going on. All he could say was, "I don't know," and "I still need to think about everything."

I remember his mother texting me, telling me she loved me and that she didn't know what was going on either, and just further explains how terribly that entire family communicates. I remember texting her, telling her she needs to speak to her son about what is going on, because I am just as confused. Later that same day, my husband called me that night, and dropped the bomb that he wanted a divorce. I asked again about marriage counseling, therapy, anything, and he still refused. He had made up his mind and there was nothing I could do about it...

I remember feeling so discarded... So hurt, and abandoned. He left me so easily, after being together for over 6 years. He left like the last 6 years meant nothing and that I meant nothing. I carried that feeling around with me for months, feeling like I was nothing, asking myself what did I do to deserve to be abandoned? I tried being the perfect wife for him. I was willing to move away from my family and friends to make him happy. I would have gone to the ends of the earth for him/with him. I was still so madly in love with him, and I could have swore he felt the same way. It was only up until that week before we moved that he started acting different. Just one week, and then he suddenly wanted a divorce. It's honestly still mind-blowing, thinking about.

After everything, most of his family in South Carolina thinks that I'm the bad guy now and doesn't like me. I'm hurt by that because I literally did nothing wrong... I was the one left abandoned with no car and no money.

A few weeks after he had left, I even asked and begged to let me fly down just so we could speak to each other about everything that happened. Just for clarity and closure, mostly for me. But he refused to fly me down, or him come here and refused to talk to me in general. I was so completely blindsided... Somebody that I thought loved me and was my absolute best friend suddenly treating me so coldly and mean just baffled me and cut me so deep. I finally had to come to the realization that it wasn't going to happen and to just follow through with the divorce.

Fast forward to now, 7 months later and we are still going through the divorce. I FINALLY got my own car last week and can actually get a job now.

I'm doing a lot better emotionally, but every now and then, it hits me hard. I miss being a wife. I miss knowing that I had somebody to come home to, and to go home with. Somebody to show new music and new movies to. Somebody to eat new food with. Somebody to laugh at all the same things with. Somebody to hold my hand, to hold me when my anxiety won't let me sleep... Going from all of that to suddenly nothing is what has been so hard. Not being able to love on somebody, kiss, hold, help them relax and feel better kills me. I crave physical affection so badly, to give and receive. Being able to take a step back and look at the bigger picture, I can agree that he wasn't a good husband to me. I wasn't happy in our marriage, but I was so willing to make it work. Divorce was NEVER an option for me, and if it had to be, it would have been the last option. But it was the first option for him...

I've gained a lot of self confidence that I've never had before. I look at myself differently now and I like who I am. Thinking about the person I was when I was with him is just hard to think about. I was so down on myself, constantly anxious, never thought I was good enough. And now I realize that I am good enough and that I was too good for him. He truly did not deserve me and how dedicated I was to our marriage. I would have never left him, so in a way, I'm glad he left because he liberated me. Being left is being liberated. I'm thankful for that. I have completely forgiven him and have moved on. I will never, ever settle for anything less than what I know I deserve. I want good things for him and hope everything works out in his favor and that he eventually finds somebody to make him happy. And I will find somebody better, too.

I'm excited for this new era of my life to begin, and I'm excited to date because I never really got to before my husband. He was my first everything, so dating will be completely new to me. It sounds exhilarating and scary, but I'm ready for something new. Although the idea of finding love ever again almost paralyzes me with the fear of being left abandoned... I'm going to be taking it as slow as possible and allow myself to heal.

I don't regret getting married. I don't regret my life I had with my husband. If anything, I wish it would have ended in a different and more adult way, instead of running away. But there is nothing I can do about it now and it is time for new and better things for me!

divorce

About the author

Noelle W

my thoughts are all over the place

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