Making the Right Choice

Recently, I started talking to a guy that I 'met' on the dating app Taimi. We qiuckly exchanged Snapchats and have been snapping and texting for a few weeks now. There has been talks of meeting and going on a date, but my work schedule and health problems have been in the way.

A couple of weeks ago, I turned 29; this guy is in his late teens/early 20s—just my type. I work five days a week second shift, usually staying up until 4 or 5 AM and sleeping til around three in the afternoon unless I have to work earlier. When I'm at work I put my phone on airplane mode so that I can't be bothered by calls, texts, etc. until the last hour of the night. There has been quite a few instances where I have turned my phone back on to find Snapchat messages from the guy begging me to talk to him. At first, I found it kind of cute and endearing, I mean, it's not often that people are fighting for my attention, but the more it's happened, the more it has become a warning sign of a major issue in any potential relationship between us. I'm almost 30—an adult—this guy is not on the same maturity level as I am and that is a problem. Just because a guy is cute doesn't mean that you can date him. Especially when there's a significant age gap.

I was willing to put that aside, but the other night, he crossed the line. We were chatting aimlessly when he told me that he wants to be my number one. I replied that my number one will always be my cat, Romana. She has been my best friend and confidante for the last three years, by my side through all the ups and downs. She sleeps curled up with me every night and lives to cuddle with me. Of my five cats, she is easily my favorite, the one with whom I have the strongest connection.

I was an only child until I was 12, so I learned from an early age to amuse myself. I've never been the kind to need people for anything, preferring time alone to spending time with people. I've never been on a date or had any significant relationship beyond friendship or random flings. Is it any wonder that my cat is my life?

The kid did not take well to that. He started getting nasty with me and informing me that he finds it 'sad' that I'd value my pet over a person. Okay...here's the thing: friends and romantic partners come and go, but a pet, a pet with whom you are deeply connected, is forever; long after they have passed away, they remain in your heart. I will NEVER choose a man or anyone over my cat. That, to me, is a dealbreaker. My mom has asked me before what I'll do some day when I meet a guy and he doesn't like cats. Luckily, I didn't have to ruminate on my answer, because the answer is blatantly obvious. Never. ever, choose someone over your pet. Anyone who can't accept that they can't have 100 percent of your love and affection (especially when you've never met) is not worth your time.

This whole endeavor has been very illuminating for me. Not only has it reinforced my belief that the love between a human and his pet knows no bounds. but that maybe, just maybe, I've finally outgrown my 'type.' For years, my type has been younger guys, college aged guys, but now that I'm getting to closer to 30 and entering a new phase in my life, I no longer want someone who doesn't share my goals, values, and beliefs. I don't want to be with someone who is so needy that he can't respect that I'm at work, that I don't with live my mom and only work part-time; I don't get high every day and spend hours of my time gaming.

When you get a pet you make an unspoken bond to love and cherish them forever, much like having a child. Anyone who isn't crazy nuts about their pet shouldn't have one, as far as I'm concerned. A pet's love knows no bounds: pets don't cheat on you or hurt your feelings; as long as you feed and love them, they will love you back with equal fervor. To me, that is the simplest, purest form of love.

Long story short, kids: If someone is right for you, they'll accept you as you are and won't try to change you or make you feel bad for feeling the things that you feel; they will understand your boundaries and not be jealous of your friends, pet(s), or family. The one who is right for you will make you see why it didn't work with all of the others and will strive to bring out the best in you.