Lucas.

He bit his bottom lip, eyes squinting at the words on the page in front of him. His dark brown hair tied back in a bun, with the wispy bits too short to stay put falling over his eyes. Annoying him as he kept brushing them back every few minutes or so. He had dark eyes, but not the angry type. The type that makes you want to know more when you look into them. The kind that made him look older. Instead of 17, he looked 17 with a lifetime of knowledge. Of secrets.

Oblivious to the world around him, as he wrote in his notebook with an inky black pen that smudged in the corners as his fingers flipped the pages. He often sat outside between classes. His school had lots of shady trees making plenty of good spots to find peace during the day. He often sat under a big blue gum tree. It provided the shade he needed to continue putting words to paper.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, holding it when his chest was as expanded as it could go. Then looked up at the sky while he exhaled. This is how he concentrated. How he searched for the next words to write. The grey colour of his baggy t-shirt and skinny jeans looked worn. His converse laced loosely the way you know they have not been untied in years, just slipped on and off each day. His name was Lucas.

Her blonde hair fell just below her shoulders. She wore it straight, always. Her natural roots coming through slightly. She had beautiful features, perky cheekbones, wide eyes, and flawless skin. That did not stop her from hiding her natural self behind makeup though. She was insecure. In her mind, everything about her could be improved.

Her clothes, tight on her body showing her slim frame. Fashionable enough. Her books in a tote black bag on her left shoulder, her phone in her hands and held to her face as she walked down the shaded path. Her name was Elsie.

She was kind. An old soul. Her clumsy nature made her loveable to her family and friends. She kept to herself mostly, especially at university. However, in her breaks she spent most of her time with Lucas.

They had formed their friendship the year prior. When Lucas leant her a pen in class. Because of course she left her pen at home on her first day. Typical Elsie. They slowly started spending more and more time together, forming their friendship during breaks under the blue gum tree. He often sat and wrote, she often sat eyes glued to her phone, endlessly scrolling.

Lucas looked up at her as he usually does, captivated by her beauty. Wishing she saw what he did. Wishing he had the confidence to tell her how he feels. But he knew she did not see him in that same way.

When Lucas first met Elsie, her hair was a beautiful natural auburn. With a soft wave that framed her face. She wore jeans, sneakers and thick framed glasses that sat against the freckles on her cheeks. But not anymore. These days Elsie was always wearing newer, tighter clothes, contact lenses. Her hair got blonder and blonder. She stopped talking about her home life, her friends back home and her art. Now all she talked about was him. His name was Connor.

Connor was tall. Tall like Lucas. But Connor had light coloured hair that was longer at the top, always nicely gelled back. His eyes light like the ocean on a sunny day. Handsome, with a smile that lit up the room. And he knew it. He was not short of attention. Forever in a string of meaningless and short relationships. Never anything serious. He was a boy’s boy. Constantly surrounded by friends, always laughing obnoxiously when they walked through the courtyard.

When Elsie saw him, her eyes widened. Her hands started to fidget and start to stroke through her. At first to make sure it was sitting straight and flush against her face, until it turned into a nervous habit. Her posture changes. Sitting up, changing the natural shape of her body to one of more stiff and straight. She always acted like this when she saw Connor. Lucas hated it. He hated the way her personality changed. He hated the way her beautiful smile became puckery and her crackling laugh became a shy giggle around him.

Surrounded by a sea of bland barbie dolls fake laughing at his jokes, Connor walked past. Not even glancing at Elsie. Elsie sighed and went back to her phone, constantly scrolling through photos, comparing herself to all those around her.

“You know you don’t need to act like that around him. If you like him, he should like you for you Elsie.”

Lucas did not even look up from the page he was writing on when he said this. Elsie looked at him with sadness in her eyes. She wished he could understand why she felt the way she did. More than anything though, she wished she could change everything about herself.

At home Elsie lived with her mum. An average woman, living an average life. They got on well enough. But her mother too did not understand Elsie’s new desire to change her appearance and personality. She was very much like her mum in many ways. Sweet and kind, a love for the simpler things in life. But lately Elsie wanted designer clothes, fancy makeup and all the newest and greatest cosmetic changes that were possible.

“Sweetheart, you’re so beautiful the way you are” Her mother said as Elsie was showing her pictures on her phone of lip injections.

“You don’t need to change your lips, or your hair. God made you the way you are for a reason.”

“You just don’t understand.” Elsie said as she stormed up to the second floor of their tiny townhouse.

Looking at her bank account Elsie new she could not continue to get facials, eyelash extensions and buy all the newest makeup her favourite influencers were wearing. She worked part time at a restaurant outside of university, and it covered her share of rent and bills leaving her little to keep this up.

But Elsie was obsessed. She constantly stared in the mirror puckering her lips, pulling at her cheeks, pushing her forehead back as far as it will go to picture how all these modifications could change her. Make her prettier. Make her more wanted. Part of her did not want to be this person. She hated the spotlight, but she wanted to be noticed. She hated the way the eyelash extensions made her uncomfortable all day.

Elsie had always suffered from depression and anxiety. It started years ago when her parents got divorced. Her dad left her mum for a much younger woman. Elsie had not seen him since. He did reach out and send her an email. But Elsie never replied. She loathed the man. Elsie and her mother was much happier without him.

Elsie had thought about contacting her dad lately. Maybe asking him for money. She even role played the conversations in her head. Fake arguing with him about how he left her and her mum with nothing and that it is the least he can do.

Before bed Elsie finally did it. She emailed him back. Asking for him to compensate for the lack of a father he was. She added her bank details to the end of the email. Deep down she felt awful asking for money. She was not that kind of person. But she needed money to be the new Elsie she wanted to be.

Lucas lived with a flatmate, in an exceedingly small house, in a very small town just outside of the city. He kept to himself mostly. Always writing in that little black notebook. Himself and Elsie hung out outside of school occasionally. They would go to the bar and get food or go to the botanical gardens and feed the ducks. But it was exhausting for Lucas. Listening to the “Connor this” and “Connor that”.

But he did not want to give up his time with Elsie. He loved her. Even though she did not love him back. He figured being her friend was better than not being anything at all. He wanted her to be happy. He wanted her to love herself and be like she was when they first met. Awkward and clumsy. But so full of substance. Passionate about her art. Passionate about the world. Now she was passionate about Connor. And changing everything about herself.

He had tried many times to talk to her about not falling for the pressures of social media and the people around her. Not changing herself for a boy. But Elsie never listened. Lucas could see her hurting inside, fighting with herself. But he could not do anything to change it. He wished he could.

The next day Elsie awoke, she followed her normal morning routine. But before she left, she checked her laptop. And sure enough there was a reply from her father. It was a short response. A simple, “Check your bank account, use it wisely and don’t ask again.” She rolled her eyes. How dare he have an input on how she spends whatever pathetic amount of money he sent her. He had not been a father to her for years. Had not cared about her for years. With the assumption it was a small amount Elsie checked her bank account on her phone whilst walking out the door and getting in her car.

$20,000. He had transferred her $20,000 dollars. With 4 zeros. She was in shock. She thought it must be a mistake or she read it wrong. She logged out and then back in again. But sure enough there it was. $20,000 from her estranged father.

At first, she thought she must transfer it straight back to him. But the more she thought about it on her drive to university the more she thought she deserved this. She knew she would not tell her mum. She would be so disappointed in her. Elsie’s mum wanted her to have a relationship with her father. But not like this. Not for income.

Elsie’s first class of the day dragged on. As soon as her spare hour came she walked briskly down to the gum tree where sure enough, Lucas was sitting, writing in his notebook. She blurted out “I have $20,000”.

Lucas stared at her. “Okay?”

“My dad, he gave me $20,000’.

“That’s the least he could do since he’s been useless at pretty much all else” Lucas said with a slight smirk on his face.

Elsie laughed awkwardly.

Then Connor walked past, hair glistening in the sun. She stared at him, as she usually does and she straight away knew what she wanted to do with the money.

“I can afford to get my lips done and buy new clothes and put extensions in my hair. And maybe then Connor will notice me. I’ll look like all those girls that are always swarming around him.”

Lucas wished she were joking. But he could see the determination in her face. He could also see the hurt behind her eyes. She did not really want this. But she felt like she had to.

“Do you really think if you change all these things about you that it will make you happy?” he said, with compassion in his tone.

“You don’t understand! You never understand.” There was frustration radiating from Elsie.

“I do understand.” He said, still calm as usual. “I understand you see all these girls online with their perfect hair and fancy ass clothes. But that does not make them happy. It doesn’t change who they are inside, only what they look like on the outside.”

“Why do you care Lucas. It doesn’t affect you.” This time she spoke with a snarky attitude. One that hurt Lucas.

“Are you serious? Why do I care? How can you be so blind Elsie? I have cared about you from the first moment we met. I have cared about you every day since. I have cared about you all along, while I can see you hurting, see you changing, see you pretending to be someone you are not. If anyone does not care, it is you. You do not care what you are doing to yourself. And you don’t care about me.”

He said it with such truth that his hands were shaking. His eyes watering. Elsie stared at him, with a loss for words.

“All I want is for you to see how truly beautiful you are. I wish you saw what I saw.” And at those words he handed Elsie his notebook.

“Why are you giving this to me?” She said quietly, knowing this must be so hard for him. He never shared his writing.

“Because it’s you Elsie. It has always been you. Just read it.” And at that, he walked away.