Loveless Marriage With Child (Should I Stay Married For My Children's Sake)

Conflicts in marriage can become frequent when not settled the right way and at the earliest time. They can be blown out of proportion to the extent of affecting your marriage and family relationship negatively. The next thing you know it, you're already contemplating filing a divorce.

But should you really go for divorce just because of this? Can you not stretch your patience more and find ways to save your marriage for the sake of your kids? Don't you love your kids enough that you will decide on separating from your spouse?

You may have been in a difficult situation long enough and have sought counseling as well. But why not try a little harder to be more tolerant of your spouse and be more understanding. It won't hurt to do this if it's for the good of your children and the family you have long wanted to have.

Religious and relationship experts will agree that saving your marriage for the sake of your kids is the right thing to do. Marriage therapists suggest that couples, even before they have children, should already work out their so-called lifestyle compatibility issues. This will help them get to know each other on a deeper level with regards to their beliefs about politics and government, family and work life as well as religion. In short, proper planning is essential in order for couples to stay strong in the face of marital problems. They need to be mature enough to support their family and keeping it intact for the long term.

Couples who put their children as top priority in their lives will and should find a way to stay together. They would always put the interest of their kids first over their own needs. When both are committed to raising their family the best way possible, there is a greater chance for the couple to be more understanding and tolerant of each other.

When you have a child or children, parents should take extra effort to keep the family intact. Avoid being impulsive in making decisions that can affect your family and most especially your children. Always take your kids into consideration in the steps you take with regards to your marriage.

Marriage therapists are suggesting certain steps you can take to change your relationship for the better. One way is to write down your thoughts and your goals for your marriage. For example, you can list down the top three things you want to change in your marital relationship. They will become the basis for creating your future goals.

Another step you can take is to focus on your goals as a couple and family. Determine the issues that you often face and translate them into goals. When you are able to figure out these complaints and problems, you can then take the necessary steps to improve on those areas.

Splitting up should only be your last recourse. This decision should only be made when you've done everything you can to save your marriage yet your children continue to suffer. And it should always be a mutual decision.

Your Marriage - A Work in Progress

I think that far too many people think that once you are married, the relationship that you had with your fiance becomes, and they all lived happily ever after. It would be nice if that was what happened but reality is not like that. Real life is not what you see in the movies, it is not what you see in the soaps, it can be hard work, although it does have its rewards. Your marriage is a work in progress and if you want a long and happy marriage then it will continue to be a work in progress.

Your relationship with your partner up to this point was a learning curve. You learnt almost everything to know about your partner, their interests, their likes and dislikes, their habits and of course your compatibility. The real relationship begins on the day that you get married.

Your world changes once you get married. If you were not living together previously then you are spending a lot more time together, you might not be able to go out with your friends as often, you are learning that there is no more I, there is us. Now this does not mean that you are going to have to merge your identities, can you imagine how boring a relationship that would be! You may be two equal halves of the relationship but you still remain separate individual with your own needs and emotions. To achieve a happy marriage you have work in partnership with each other.

The thing about people with different wants is that sooner or later they are going to clash. Whether you like it or not you are going to argue, how your marriage progresses depends upon how you handle conflict. You could try and ignore problems, pretend that they do not exist, the only problem is that does not get rid of them. The longer that you take to solve a problem, the more opportunity it has to poison your relationship. If you want to deal with problems effectively you have to deal with them calmly and rationally, take one at a time, do not play the blame game and look to achieve a compromise where both of you are happy and both of you can say, we dealt with this, together.

You will not be able to discuss problems if you do not communicate. At the start of your relationship you shared your hopes, dreams and emotions with each other, just because you are married that does not mean that you have to stop doing so. If you do not talk to each other and share each others lives then you will drift apart. If you do not talk to each other then little issues that could have been dealt with easily suddenly spiral out of control and might even wreck what remains of your relationship. If you do not speak to each other then do you not think that is a bit sad?

You went on dates before you got married, I guess that you had a great time, so do not stop. You are never, ever to old to go out on a date. Regardless of what you do, take a vacation, go to movie, go for a walk or just curl up in front of the T.V it is vital that you spend quality time together as it strengthens and reaffirms your bond, and not forgetting that it is fun as well. If you have kids then I am more than sure that Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles etc would be more than happy to spend some extra time with them. Your relationship needs that time to be for you, with no distractions just you two. At the very least you need your time once a month, if you can, make it once a week, more would be good.

Your marriage might be a never ending work in progress but I think that it is worth it. Treat your partner with affection and respect, every day tell them that you love them, accept the flaws in your partner as they have to accept yours, learn to compromise and work for solutions that strengthen your relationship, if you make a mistake or in the heat of the moment hurt their feelings then apologize, no matter what is happening in your lives spend some quality time together and communicate, communicate, communicate. And most importantly of all, have a long and happy life together.

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