Love on a Chain

Never thought I would end up in this position. Never would of thought of being here, in this moment, in this time. I was always the good girl, the art fanatic, the nature lover, the smart girl. Smart... I wish I was intelligent when it comes to the relationship love part in life. Relationships and I don't really mix in, we come as one in the beginning and I am the one destroyed at the end. My first love was like any other love, unique in its own way, romantic, but it was also young love. He was 18 and I was 14, oh yeah, I know 'WHAT 4 YEARS!' We had the same birthday just 4 years apart, which was good for me because I didn't have to remember a date other then when we first became official. We spoke about everything as our relationship came more, our future, our family, our future kids, and let's just say we chose the babies names, but young love right? Almost 3 years of that, until we ended when he told me the love he felt was just as best friends and not as more. It broke my heart, causing me to lock myself in my room for half a year until I became active to distract myself, I became involved with sport, soccer was the main which I am proud to say helped me so much.

This all happened by the beginning of junior year, November 2015. Then December came by, the ends of December he left to another country and I had no communication, allowing to be space, but then I received a text message from someone whom I recently met two weeks prior. Little did I know what enormous impact this person would have on me for the rest of my life. We started texting for a while, and in those three days, we clicked. That following Monday we decided to meet up in school (since we both went to the same high school). He met me in my locker and I hugged him and that's when we shared out first kiss. We walked around before the first class started, we held hands and spoke about everything, like if we were old friends catching up. We laughed, we smiled, and every moment was magical. January 14th, 2016, we made love and that day we became official. He didn't pressure me, I didn't pressure me it just happened. We were the happiest people, but things got bumpy in the 3rd month, and he wrote me a beautiful poem called, "Love on a chain". I was the first girl to ever last more then 3 months with him, but sadly every happy story (in my life) comes to an end. October 2016, he admitted to me that he had done something with another girl, which he became in shock and just took it out on me. It broke me more.

November 2016, we stopped communicating because he needed time and space. Around the beginning of December he told me we should wait until I was 18 to come again and go out. I agreed like the pathetic girl I was. Three days later, he blocked me off everything and I found out something that completely destroyed me... he had another girl already. "My Happiness" he captioned the picture. I suffered, crying every night and questioning my worth. Christmas rolled in and he asked my closest friend to tell me he was sorry for being a coward, and I personally texted him. Biggest. Mistake. Ever. He told me he knew I would text me, and he told me that we were never ever were going to be together again. Leaving me in my total destruction. I am luckily one to never give up on myself. I cut him off completely and I moved on, ends of January, February. Then rolled in March, and I received a text from every social media app I owned. It was him. 'What does he want?' I thought to myself. I texted him and asked, and all he wanted was a picture he gave me and if he could have it back. I gave it to him so he would leave me alone but that never happened. I became his friend, but I told him the truth. The girl had broken up with him, and she started talking to someone new, same as he did with me. It was his first heartbreak, and all I could tell him was that Karma was very revengeful. Then as we spoke and spoke, we had intimate relations, and started going out, with friends. One day, everyone suddenly bailed on us to go to the zoo. Him and I still went out, he was going to surprise me, and he did. I fell asleep in the car, and when I woke up we were in a hiking park. We went on a walk until we bumped in a entrance to go to the stream that was there. There was a rock in the lake and we decided to go on it, and that's when we both clicked. It felt right, and that's when I realized I fell in love with him again in that moment. We shared a passionate kiss, and spoke about everything.

Later on that summer, he took me to the garden, a place I had never fully visited and I just fell in love with the place and him more. But that garden, we had been there in the summer of 2016, and we engraved our initials in a wooden little house. When we first got there this time, he knew that's what I was going to look at and told me 'They are still there.' We spent the whole day there and I was just so happy, he made me happy. Then came the ends of July, and we made love again and again. From that love, a beautiful blessing came our way. When I told him, his reaction is what I love remembering. The biggest smile on his face, I loved it. But, when his mother found out, he disappeared for 2 weeks, for my safety because when she found out she was on her way to murder me, but God is always with me, and their car got ruined. After 2 weeks, she reached out to me and told me she wanted to meet me and my parents. We met up but when he entered, I couldn't look at him in the eyes. There was a time where we were both alone. He had changed. It wasn't him anymore. After that things did really change. He kept leaving and coming back, and I feel sorry for myself for allowing that to be a routine. Now we are in November 2017, and he has left the day I found out we were having a little princess. I couldn't get the news to him because he was gone by then. Now here I am in November with a blessing growing in me, but I will not allow him to be around our child, my child anymore. I am strong, I am worth so much. My daughter doesn't need a father who will leave and come back whenever he feels like it. I am not allowing anything like that.

Now its November 2017. I am not alone, I have the support to raise this beautiful girl to be the best she can be. Love on a chain, but now that chain has officially been broken. No love should be chained to one person who has always abandoned you when needed the most.