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Love Island 2021 Shows Us Some Women Need Serious Lessons in Maturity & Relationships

by Kate Feathers about a month ago in pop culture

Please, don’t do this and think it’s okay

Photo by Armin Rimoldi from Pexels

I have a confession to make.

After a whole day of working, running errands and being a fully functioning human in general, there’s nothing I love more than sitting down and watching a bunch of young British people kiss and argue on Love Island.

Not only does the reality TV show help me unwind while enjoying all the drama, but it also offers an interesting insight into what kinds of people go on such a show, how they represent the general public, and how they act in relationship-related situations.

It’s some great material to analyse.

It’s safe to say these British singles make lots of mistakes. Some of them learn from them. Others don’t. It’s basically like watching a crash course on maturity and relationships where some people get a star while the majority fails.

Love it.

This season, there’s been something getting on my nerves in particular, though — and that’s the women on the show. Don’t get me wrong, most of the guys on there make terrible mistakes and annoy me too, but the women have really shocked me with their behaviour more than once.

Is this what lots of women actually act like? I keep thinking.

There are things these women have done that just don’t sit well with me at all.

And so, as a self-proclaimed relationship critic, here are some of the lessons women from Love Island 2021 should learn if they want to have a mature relationship.

Respect your man’s privacy

It’s sad I have to even say this, but apparently, there are still women out there who think it’s absolutely okay to go through your partner’s phone when he’s not watching.

On the show, a bunch of people were playing Never Have I Ever around the firepit. A guy said, “Never have I ever snooped through my partner’s phone.”

The reaction shocked me. At least half of the women drank, and one of them even said, “Yeah, and I’d do it again.”

Ouch.

As we all know, boundaries can get easily crossed in a relationship. Reading your partner’s messages can be a morally grey area in certain cases, such as when you’re almost sure they’re cheating on you and want to find a clear confirmation.

But more than half of women around the firepit snooping? Don’t they see there are certain boundaries in a relationship, and crossing them might lead to really bad consequences?

I know for a fact that if I snooped through my boyfriend’s phone, he would see me as a completely different person. He wouldn’t trust me, wouldn’t respect me as he does now, would think differently of who I am. Because he’d know I don’t trust him and I apparently don’t respect him, hence why I go through his phone when he’s not looking.

It can make the whole relationship crumble.

According to a 2014 survey by Avast, 1 in 4 women check their partner’s phone. Men aren’t much better, actually — 1 in 5 do the same.

A therapist Kurt Smith has commented:

“When people sneak a peek at their partner’s phone, it feeds secrecy and distrust into the relationship, both of which are likely to be the primary reasons the person is checking in the first place. So while this may seem in the moment as a good idea and justified, it only creates more of the problems that need to be resolved.”

I couldn’t agree more. If you read someone’s conversations without their consent, not only is it rude but it also shakes the foundations of the relationship itself.

Honest communication is usually your way to go.

He’s not there just to stroke your ego

From what I’ve seen, many women expect men to do this:

1) See her and fall in love at first sight.

2) Give her 100% from day one.

3) Basically carry her to the moon and back and do anything she desires.

No wonder so many women end up being severely disappointed. Many men are at fault too, of course — there are always certain standards you should stick to when you look for a partner.

A man needs to treat you right to deserve your love.

However, he’s also not there to be absolutely obsessed with you from day one and thus stroke your ego. Falling in love takes some time, as well as committing to one person only. He needs to know the connection works on many various levels, not just attraction and infatuation, before he chooses you.

When I went on the first few dates with my now-boyfriend, I didn’t mind the idea of his dating other girls. We were having fun, we were seeing where our journey would take us and we didn’t promise each other anything. Then we became exclusive and the rules changed.

Why does he have to madly fall in love with me the moment he sees me and bring me stardust from a galaxy far away when he doesn’t even know me properly?

That’s not love. That’s infatuation. And infatuation alone doesn’t sustain a relationship.

After a few dates, it should be quite clear if you see eye to eye and if you’d like to focus only on each other. But expecting him to do everything and anything for you from the second he lays eyes on you is very unrealistic.

What’s more, he’s a person too. He doesn’t just serve the purpose of making you feel loved — he also needs to be loved back.

You’ll get nowhere without self-awareness

Once upon a time, there was a girl on Love Island 2021.

She got mad at a guy for playing two girls at once. “If you’re going to be with me, you’re going to give me 100%,” she said. It was a strange situation indeed since she was actually coupled up with someone else and had no intention to end it anytime soon — and therefore she played two guys at once as well.

When the man who was in a couple with her called her out on it and ended things, she was flabbergasted. How could this have happened? What right does he have to ditch me like that? I did the exact thing I reproached someone else for, and here are the consequences! Mamma Mia! Poor me! I am so confused about this whole situation, but there’s one thing I know for sure — I am the victim in this.

Hmm… I sense a pattern when it comes to how women on this season of Love Island handle conflicts. The “it’s not me, it’s you” mentality runs strong and true. I’m not sure I’ve ever actually seen a woman properly apologise on the show, even when she was obviously in the wrong.

Look, I know your guy isn’t perfect. But if you don’t apologise for your actions and take some responsibility for the way you act, how can you so blatantly expect him to do the same?

Instead of guilt-tripping him and deflecting the blame, why don’t you sit down, admit to your mistakes and work on forgiving each other?

Some women can’t stand being wrong. It’s like their whole world crumbles if they admit to being an imperfect human being. But making mistakes is a part of growing. It’s absolutely okay to make mistakes. It’s not okay to ignore them and guilt-trip your partner instead.

Accept your imperfections. Take responsibility. Apologise. Be the bigger person — bigger than who you were yesterday.

Embrace who you are, but also always try to do better.

Call your friends out on their bullshit

When a woman does something obviously wrong or her reaction is completely out of proportion on this season of Love Island, her besties all make a group around her and… support her actions.

They never call each other out. Instead of helping each other realise the situation isn’t black-and-white and offering different views, they often rile her up even more and make her feel like her immature reactions are completely valid.

A true friend knows when to tell you the truth. She knows when you’ve made a mistake and she is willing to tell you, no matter how harsh it might seem.

The women on Love Island don’t really help each other in that regard. At least from what we’ve seen.

Sometimes… they kind of make it worse.

Final Thoughts

It’s almost as if the moral compass of the women on this show has broken.

They think all of the immature things I mentioned above are completely okay to do, and they also take back men who have obviously disrespected them and hurt their feelings deeply.

It’s like they pick the wrong battles to fight, time and time again. And when they lose, they can’t hold themselves accountable for it.

It’s safe to say the men aren’t angels either. Most of them are kind of failing this crash course on love as well, yet somehow they keep scraping through. When they do something really bad, the women usually just take them back after some time and don’t expect them to try harder.

In any case, I’m sitting here with my popcorn and having a blast watching these people navigate their messy relationships.

I just hope they learn from their mistakes and maybe teach us something along the way, too.

pop culture

Kate Feathers

Student of Literature & Languages, I write about relationships, self-improvement, feminism, writing and mental health. Contact me: [email protected]

Discover more of my work: https://linktr.ee/clumsylinguist

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