Love is easier than hate

The most profound memory of my childhood is that my parents quarreled. They are always arguing.

My mom and dad got divorced when I was 12. So far I still remember my mother came back from court that day, a door held me and cried: "Couple, the court only awarded 2000 dollars of maintenance, we the next day how to live? At that moment I was also very sad, I held my mother and said: "Mom, don't be sad, anyway, I will not get married, the days after I accompany you together." I quietly cried, in my mind over and over only one word: I do not have a father, from now on I am no father's child.

It was hard when my mother took me with her. She worked as a salesgirl in a shopping mall, earning more than 100 yuan a month. She had to support me and pay for my dancing. To earn more money, my mother went to a friend's company to do cleaning after work at the mall every day. The hardship of life was beyond ordinary people's imagination.

Every time I see my mother so hard, I secretly swear in my heart: I grow up must have a promising future, let my mother live a good life! At the same time, I felt more resentment toward my father -- he must have forgotten me and my mother. He must be living happily ever after with his new wife.

At that time I always had in the mind a picture of fantasy: me rich, driving a car driving on the streets of Shanghai, and a red light lit up, I stopped, inadvertently turn one, and saw dad standing by the road, he is also looking at me, then the green light, I drove off with it, dad behind silently staring at me, look sad... Thinking about it this way, I feel very relieved.

Like a dream, I have become famous and financially rewarded since I played the lead role of Anping in Jade Guanyin and finally gained public recognition with this role. As soon as I didn't have to worry about money, I asked my mother to quit her job and stay by my side to take care of my daily life. We also bought a duplex house in Shanghai's Jing 'a District and hosted a birthday party for Mom on a luxury cruise ship on her 46th birthday. When doing all this, I am very happy, finally can rely on their strength to let mom don't have to work so hard!

At the same time, I learned about my father's situation from various sources. I knew that he and his stepmother had both been laid off, had a daughter, and were living on a shoestring by running a grocery store. To tell you the truth, after the short pleasure of hearing this news, there is a lingering concern, which is a very strange thing, but I really can't help thinking about my dad, thinking about him. Once, I quietly went to see my father's grocery store, standing across the street, looking at the gray hair of my father and stepmother busy in the store, I could not hold back tears when the street began to cry......

For my father, I love-hate intertwined, I hate him at the beginning the ruthless, but his predicament let my heart cut, I interweave two emotions every day, difficult to extricate themselves.

Some bad media also noticed my relationship with my father, they went to interview my father, and my father said: "I have not done enough to be a father to this daughter, she can achieve now all by her efforts and her mother's efforts, see she is now well, I feel very happy......" Was it father and daughter? He still tried to protect me from outsiders and did not let others have the chance to hurt me. Watching that interview, I burst into tears...

My ambivalence was noticed by Deng Chao, who said to me, "What can't be avoided between father and daughter? No father in the world does not love his daughter. Your father must have some difficulty in doing that. If you argue with him like that, it will be you who will be sorry."

My conflict is also if I get back together with dad, will mom be sad, will she feel like I betrayed her? Once I asked my mother tentatively whether she still hated my father. Unexpectedly, my mother said calmly, "No, no, after all, he gave me a daughter like you. Looking at you, I don't hate her anymore." Mother's words let me very emotional, yes, if the mother can forgive my father once for our mother and daughter's indifference, then my daughter should not bear a grudge.

My father and I broke the ice completely at the family dinner for Grandpa's 70th birthday. It was the first time that my father and grandfather saw Deng Chao. They seemed to hit it off. My father repeatedly told Deng Chao, "I will choose my son-in-law, not name or money, as long as I treat my daughter well. Sun LI FROM SNACK A LOT OF BITTERNESS, I THIS WHEN FATHER DID NOT FULFILL RESPONSIBILITY, DEPEND ON YOU TO TAKE CARE OF HER LATER."

After that, whenever I went back to Shanghai, I would pick up my little sister to play, take her to KFC, and go to amusement parks. My little sister is articulate and good at singing and dancing. Now my sister's education expenses are borne by me. In my heart, I do not want my sister to eat what I ate in those years. I also recommended my sister to learn dancing from the teacher who taught me that year, hoping that she would also have a good future.

My father and stepmother lived in the house, or the house of the past Shikumen, which was dark and damp and crowded, and my mother and I discussed, my father and grandfather respectively in the Hongkou district to buy a house.

At first, my father refused to take anything. He always said, "How can I spend your money when you earn so much money?" I said to my father, "What do I make money for? Is it not so that the family can live well? How can I feel at ease when you live in such a bad house?" Finally, dad moved into a new house.

Once I go back to Shanghai, my father's new house over there to see him, downstairs, I looked up the window, looking for dad's house to see the window give warm lamplight, and felt great happiness, I finally understand one thing: hate a person, you can't get happiness forever, and love, can let you get to the real inner peace.

My cervical vertebrae are not good because of an injury from dancing before. Dad gave me a lot of Chinese medicine, bought Chinese medicine, afraid I was lazy not to boil medicine, and afraid I fear a bitter taste and refused to drink it, he learned a method from others, and the medicine all boiled well, and then cooled in a vacuum bag, put into the refrigerator, can be kept for a month, to drink the time to take out to drink directly. Every time I go back to Beijing from Shanghai, I always carry a big ice bucket, which is pasted with four big characters written by my father: take medicine on time.

I was at home in Beijing, drinking my father's own hands for my decoctions of traditional Chinese medicine, looking at the side of my mother's peeled fruit for me, and suddenly feel I have been a more happy child ah. I am glad that my tolerance has made the world that was broken when I was a child whole again when I am an adult.