LOVE

Now they say that we don’t know what love is. What is it really? There are so many different kinds of loves that it is hard to figure out whether the feelings you have are you actually being ‘in love’ or all together one of the other fixations of it that are created by the stability, comfort or happiness that a person has given you. Perhaps you are in love with the idea of being in love; this person is everything that is right, kind and honest, this person holds you together even on your darkest days, this person saves you. Why wouldn’t you be in love with them? Right? We contradict ourselves when we try to choose between our heads and our hearts. The rest of the world tells you how lucky you are to have such an amazing person, someone who loves you so damn much. You agree, although something inside feels rehearsed. We become fixated on what we want, what we can see working and how it will benefit us in the long run. A theoretical pros and cons list. If this person ticks all the boxes, why wouldn’t you be in love with them?

The Truth is, we will never understand love. That is why it sneaks up and consumes you when you least expect it. Love is not something that is logical, it cannot be reasoned with, talked-around or taught. It is unpredictable, unexpected and unreliable. This is what makes it so damn desirable.

Some people are lucky to at least find one kind of love in their life. What if you had three? Three completely different kinds of love. All feeling totally and utterly right, yet at the same time, insanely wrong. How could you even comprehend what was happening? Justify what you were feeling? I’m not saying that one wasn’t as real as the other.

One:

He’s everything right in the world, he’s comfortable, caring and you would never feel as though you weren’t enough while he was around. He notices everything. The way you have your coffee, how you crinkle your nose when you taste a food you don’t like, every time you change the colour of your nail polish, how you let your hair fall in front of your face when you are sad and he even knows which mood you are in before you do. You could create a life with him, you know that you would never want for anything, you would be completely content with your future and never afraid that it could come to an end. He was the definition of ‘story book perfect’. Is he the one?

Two:

He’s everything that’s reckless in the world, he tempts you to challenge yourself. Believes that you can do anything, be anything you want. He is adventure, he is freedom. He sparks each moment with his charismatic smile. He wants to travel the world with you. Not for the travel, for the fact that you would be embracing new experiences with him. He wants to be the person to show you what life has to offer. He manages to put a smile on your face even on the darkest of days. He’s witty, charming and bold. He believes in you, he believes that you are the most amazing person in the world and when he is around, you start to believe it yourself. Is he the one?

Three:

He’s everything that is forbidden in the world, he should have never been in your life to begin with. You are drawn to him and he you. You have stolen moments where life melts away, in these moments, he is your protector. You feel as though the world could never touch you. You can never be harmed by anyone or anything. In these moments everything is heightened. You sense each other’s every movement, every breath, every beat. Every touch feels overwhelming. This love is wild, unstable, and dangerous. You cannot comprehend it. You cannot control it. He makes you nervous and excited all at the same time. Your brain tells you that it is so wrong, yet every molecule in your body feels so right. Is he the one?

I swirled my glass of Cabernet Sauvignon Merlot under my nose and sighed. If only my decision could be as easy as ordering this merlot, there would not be any competition. Bright Cellars had matched me with this specific bottle after I joined their wine club and answered a few questions. I thought it would be fun. I didn’t realise at the time how perfect they would match me with this bottle, I felt as though it was crafted perfectly for my palette. I wondered if bright cellars could match me to my perfect guy? Would that be too much to ask?

I felt torn in three directions. Mind, body and spirit all pulling me in a separate way. I was reminded back to when I didn’t believe in love, when love was something, I never cared about. And yet suddenly, it was all I knew.

Not only had I fallen hopelessly in love with three beautiful men, they were also brothers.

I know what you are thinking, I am such a cliché right? And before you start rolling your eyes at the fact that I am saying having three charming and irresistible men fawning over you is a problem, you don’t even know the half of it yet. Or how this all came to be.

My name is Savannah. I am as many people would say, a wierdo. I didn’t fit in when I was in high school and I certainly didn’t have even one guy falling in love with me back then. High school was a joke to me, I was that weird girl who sat in the back of the class with my hair in front of my face, hoping no one would talk to me. Always out of place, out of step. I didn’t care if people didn’t like me or thought I was strange. To be quite honest, I was happy about it. I knew one day I would grow up and those same people who looked down ON me, would eventually end up working FOR me. That is exactly what happened. Jessica Bradshaw, the queen of high school who not only would call me a freak every day, but also gave me a black eye when she threw an apple at my face during gym; she now works for me in my comms division. I took a sip of my Merlot as I pressed decline on her annual leave request that she had sent through to attend her sister’s wedding. The third time she had requested days off and the third time I had hit the decline button without even a moments thought.

I am the queen now.

They say that with success, comes sacrifice. I didn’t realise how true this saying was until my 30th birthday. I sat in my office that night, staring at my laptop and feeling as though my chest was closing in. I was thirty years old and I had built an empire and yet, there I was in my office. I didn’t have a husband or boyfriend who would take me out for a birthday dinner. I didn’t have kids who I could return home to and be greeted with poorly written birthday cards that they had made in school for me. I hadn’t any time in my twenties to get married and have kids. No. I was too busy building an empire from the ground up. I had everything, so why did I feel as though I had nothing?

It was nearing 5:30pm on a Friday evening so all of my employees had gone home to spend the weekend with their families. Everyone except for my assistant Trixie. I had told her countless times that she didn’t have to wait for me to leave before she went home, but she was dedicated. She reminded me of myself when I was a spritely 21-year-old, hungry for success and always trying to prove myself. This is what made me hire her, she wasn’t interested in fitting in with societies standards, she didn’t care about whether people looked down on her or thought she was weird when she would raise her hand in the board room even though she was just an assistant. I inspire my employees to be like this, to speak up and be heard. You never know who could have a great idea.

I stood up from my desk, knowing Trixie wouldn’t leave until I did and it was unfair if she had to suffer spending her Friday night in the office because I have no life. I walked through my office doors and as usual, Trixie’s sitting right at her desk finishing off the afternoon invoicing.

“Go home Trix” I instructed as I walked past her, shuffling through my purse and trying to find my always evading car keys

“Actually” she jumped up, making me turn on my heels “I was just waiting for you”

Her sandy blonde hair wasn’t up in its usual pony tail and she had applied a small amount of mascara around her eyes, I instantly knew what she was going to say

“Lets grab a drink” she grinned “c’mon, you only turn thirty once”

“I know, that’s the problem” I shuddered at the thought of going out with her and her young friends, being the oldest in the room.

“C’mon” she begged “It’s your birthday”.

My mind wandered to what was waiting for me at home. A big tub of triple chocolate ice cream and a night of Netflix. I sighed.

“Fine, but no nightclubs”

“Deal”

Trixie insisted we went to a cocktail bar called Bishue. It was a suburb over and in a neighbourhood that most would describe as lower middle class, I clutched my bag tightly as I stepped into the bar and just as I imagined, I was the oldest out of Trixie’s friends. It was nice though; her friends were career driven and smart enough for their ages. We laughed over and over and little did I know, that night was exactly what I needed. I had driven my car there, which I knew was looking very out of place on that street. I hadn’t seen another Mercedes since we had arrived there. I had heard about these kinds of neighbourhoods turning bad after dark and my car definitely would paint a shiny red target on my back for a mugging. Once it neared 8:30pm, I decided to thank Trixie for a great night and say my goodbyes to the girls. You can never be too safe.

I started driving home, the erratic way that my GPS took me. Down a small street and then another, it was dark, and I couldn’t see any other cars heading this way. My heart sunk when I heard my cars motor groan and make a loud rattling sound.

“No, don’t you dare!” it slowed and then stalled. I pushed the button on the dashboard that would usually fire my cars engine to life. No response.

“No!” I pushed it again and again. Nothing. “Please” I whined “not here”. I scanned my surroundings, hoping that I would see some car headlights. Perhaps someone who knows how to fix my car. To the right, I saw a dimly lit park. A place that you would have to be crazy to wander through of a night time. I turned my head to the left, across the road there was a garage with an old sign hung above it ‘JOES MACHANICAL’. The door was pulled down but I could see light streaming from underneath it. Someone was in there, someone who could fix my car. I leaped out and ran toward it without thinking, without noticing the two men that were standing under a streetlight and watching me. By the time I saw them, it was to late. They rushed me. In a few strides they were on my sides in the middle of the road. They were big and strong. Each grabbed one of arms and I felt my heart sink. My biggest fear was about to be realised.

“Let me go!” I tried to sound assertive.

“Lost, are we?” one man laughed as he traced his finger down the side of my face, his breath stunk of alcohol. I screamed, as loud as I could muster. The second man held his hand tightly on my throat, stopping the air from leaving my lungs.

“Maybe we should take you home” he snapped “see how well your screaming will do there”.

I had never been more terrified in my life. This was it; this was how I was going to die. Hopeless and alone. On my birthday.

That’s when it all happened at once, his hand released my throat and the other man let go at the same time. The force knocked me backward and I fell, scraping my hands on the road. There were five men now. I could make out their faces in the light coming from the garage across the road that was now rolled wide open. These three men must of came from there.

I watched as they pulled the other two men to the ground and punched them. The man that was holding my arm managed to get back onto his feet and flea down the road, out of sight. The man that had held of my throat was still on the ground and getting punched by one of the three.

“You like hurting women, do you?” he growled as he kept punching. Again, and again.

“That’s enough!” one of the others yelled

“Damien, get off him” they pulled him off and struggled for a moment until he stopped

“Dirtbag” the one called Damien spat at the man who was laying on the ground moaning. Damien turned and headed back toward the garage.

“Are you ok?” the other two men were at my side instantly, kneeling down and trying to help me stand up.

“I’m fine” I stood, wiping off the gravel from my skirt “don’t touch me, I’m fine”.

They stood for a moment, then looked at each other and back to me.

“What were you doing out here?” their eyes scanned my office attire.

“My car” I pointed back “my car stopped, and I saw your shop”

“Why didn’t you come inside?” one of the men, with sandy blonde hair asked.

I raised a brow at him “That’s what I was trying to do, obviously”.

They looked at each other again and I realised at once that these men had just saved my life. And there I was, giving them attitude.

“Sorry” I sighed “and thank you, thank you for helping me”.

They smiled.

“I’m Matt and this is Cason” the man with the blonde hard spoke, he had kind blue eyes and a sweet face. Cason was a little taller and had light brown hair that swung to his shoulders, his eyes were hazel and he had stubble lining his chiselled cheekbones.

They pushed my car into the garage, and I wandered in behind them.

Damien was sitting on a stack of tires, wearing a leather jacket and no shirt, showing his torso. He had olive skin and dark brown eyes. He looked up and smiled at me, a cheeky smile exposing his dimples that were now prominent in his cheeks.

“You’re back, not enough excitement for one night?” he took a sip from the flask that was in his hand.

“Lay off, Damien” Matt retorted as he opened the hood of my car.

Damien stared at me, he had that type of fire in his eyes that displayed unpredictability. One look at this man was enough to feel threatened yet tested all in the same moments.

“I’m just saying” he jumped off the tires “what would a lady like you” his eyes scanning me “be doing out here? A little lady like you could of ended up really hurt if we hadn’t been working late” he spoke in a tone that was drenched with sarcasm and disrespect. This annoyed me. Who did this man think he was, talking to me this way.

“I was actually quite enjoying my time out there, until you scared my friends away” I challenged.

He stopped and raised a brow “That is a stupid thing to say”.

“Well, you ask a stupid question. You get a stupid answer” I crossed my arms.

Damien rolled his eyes and shut up.

Cason and Matt laughed as they walked over to the toolbox next to me.

“You don’t take any shit, that’s a good thing” Matt ran his hand over my shoulder as he passed me, his touch was warm and soft as a feather stroke.

I sat on a chair and watched as the three men started dissecting my car to find the problem.

While I started dissecting them. Who were these men? Why had they spiked my curiosity?

Cason flipped his hair back and tied it in a bun, turning his head slightly to wink at me as he did. He spoke with such surety; he was involved and intricate. His hands moved quickly and precisely.

Matt was softer, he spoke with a gentle calm that could put babies to sleep. He was kind and subtle. I watched as he flicked his sandy blonde hair from his eyes and smiled at me with a smile that said ‘everything will be ok’

Damien was wild. His eyes would smoulder into mine as he spoke, he stared at me as though he were a lion and I was his prey. Watching my every movement, he was intense.

Little did I know, these men were about to become a huge part of my life. Little did I know, I would have to choose one of them. Only one.

They all awoken something inside of me that had been sleeping my whole life.

In different ways, they had consumed me.

I didn’t plan for this to happen; I didn’t plan to fall in love with any of them. I so wished that I could go back to this night, I would have stayed home.

I had become so close to all three of them, I had kissed all three of them and now it was tearing me, and them, apart. I had to choose. They had given me an alternatim. They would pick me up, one by one and take me on a date each. I would give them one full night each to prove why I should choose them. After these ‘three first dates’ as they called it, I would have 24 hours to decide. How could I decide? It had been months since my birthday night. In these months I had gotten to know each one of these beautiful and incredible men, not only as friends but they had become my protectors, my inspiration, and my guardians. We have been through so much together in these months and they have become my family. Now I have to let two of them go and I know it will kill them. But I cannot let them hate each other over me, their bond as brothers is all they have. They will not loose that because of me, I must decide.

I scrolled the curser on my laptop back over to Jessica Bradshaw’s annual leave request. I approved it. Perhaps that good deep will give me some brownie points with karma, maybe everything could go back to how it was a month ago when Damien, Matt and Cason didn’t give me this altermatim. When we were all sitting at my house and drinking my merlot, or the night we went to the pub and they pushed that guy into a hedge for slapping my ass, or even the very first night we met.

I heard a soft knock at my door that made my heart skip a beat. Date number one.