Losing a Friendship

by Leon Stevens 18 days ago in friendship

Music and words by Leon Stevens

There is a saying, “When times get tough, you find out who your friends are.” That’s not to say that they weren’t your friends before, that you didn’t have fun being around them, that they wouldn’t have given you the shirt off their back. So, how do you deal with losing something that you thought was special?

This is not an easy task. There are so many reasons and different scenarios that could lead to a friendship break-up. I’m not an expert, so anything that I write about or suggest should be taken as a rough guide and not as gospel.

Don’t criticize. They have their reasons. Maybe not great ones but it is their choice in the end, and they will have to live with it. They may criticize you, so by not reciprocating, you are being the one who can hold their head up high.

Try to repair it. That way you can say that you gave it a shot. It will go one of two ways. There will be an understanding and the relationship will continue, or the damage is deemed unrepairable. Sometimes it is a misunderstanding that creates a problem. It can also be a result of ignorance. If we don’t know about something, it is difficult to make an informed decision.

Often, it helps to have a neutral party sit in on the conversation. This could be a mutual friend, family members, or in extreme cases, a paid arbitrator. Having a fresh mind hearing the issues can put things into the right perspective. There may be something that you are missing because your judgment is clouded.

Acceptance for yourself. If you believe that you have done all that you can to repair the situation then it is time to accept that there is nothing more to do and be proud that you tried. You can’t make people accept or forgive. In the end, you are the most important person. This is not a selfish view, it’s self preservation. Take care of yourself first, and what ever is left can be shared.

Don’t beat yourself up. For one thing, it was their decision to bale, not yours. I like to re-word the statement, “It’s not me, it’s you”. More than likely, you have “replacements” that will fit right in. If you don’t, you will find some.

Remember the good times. You had them and no one can take those memories away. Look at the pictures, sit back and smile at the time everything went wrong and you couldn’t stop laughing.

Why am I writing this? As you probably guessed, I am writing from experience. I wanted to get a few things off my chest. Maybe you are in the same boat and I want you to know that it’s alright. Do I miss my friends? You bet. We had fun together and I’m going to miss that. But I tried. Many times, and that makes me sad. I wrote the words in the video as a stand-alone poem, then one day I was playing my guitar and composed the music that just seemed to fit the mood. I still tear up when I play the music or watch the video.

I would love for them to see it, but as you have read, that’s probably not going to happen. I sometimes I imagine, like in a movie, that they stumble across it, maybe it goes viral and they see it. I know that they will know it is about them.

I don’t begrudge them. Are they better off? In their minds, probably. I wish them all the best, but I’ve done all that I can. Am I better off? I have to be.

Leon

friendship
Leon Stevens
Leon Stevens
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Leon Stevens

Leon Stevens is an independent author, composer, guitarist, songwriter, and artist, with a Bachelor of Music and Education. He published his first book, Lines by Leon: Poems, Prose, and Pictures in January 2020.

See all posts by Leon Stevens