lonely

Look no one is going to say it. They all will just pretend one way or another. The truth is you're alone kid. Your parents can't save you. Your friend won't either. They will love you without doubt but in the end you're just loosing little bits of yourself day in and day out. Eventually if you do not protect that light within you will most certainly have nothing to cherish.

I learned this through mindless ignorance. I was ripped apart by vultures only seeking the next meal. Sometimes I feel like another carcass left behind. Listening to the demons sing their songs. You will see one day I am just a dead weight being dragged through the mud. Being burned alive by the sun. I no longer feel fear but if I could I would be afraid of the day you know me for my truths. A damaged mind seeking refuge in fire and brimstone. Scattered thoughts paint the walls of my skull like suicide. Its horrifying and I try often to keep it all from you. It's a hopeless task isn't it. You see energy just as I do. You see how much static has stained my soul. Just know no matter how fucked up it gets you're going to make it out alright. Even if I had to sacrifice this vessel to allow you opportunity of another push forward.

I get it. I think maybe I always did. How parasitic I am. It's how I survived the insanity of my youth. Now I am left with nothing but an unquenchable need for violence. I resist the burden because at the end of the day I resent it. I can not change anything. I am simply locked in this place and I have to survive it. The noise has become so loud. Ignoring it isn't an option. Can you feel it now? The turbulence beckoning a tragedy? My focus drifts towards the witch. How she cackles of madness and curses. I stare into its eyes of thorns and blemishes. I realize in this moment I am alone in a void of a room. The dark scabs over the day letting all the shit fester. No I do not belong here do I?

This reality begins to cave in again. The question persists. Do I hold the walls up and find shelter, or do I accept the answers will never be clear and let the walls crumble over me? There is no right or wrong here. I accept that. There is only the actions and the consequences of destruction. I pull the pin and stare at a reflection of past and future. The sickness will not die. It only proceeds to find the next victim. It's vicious. It is undeniable. It will crawl inside and morph the heart into coal and death. Like blacken lungs of the betrayed. I watch closely now. The gun to my head held by a prisoner. Youre just another coward. Blinded by self defeat and decaying mindset. It comes in waves. That acknowledgement that we are all surrounded and defeated but clueless to pay any attention. lifeless on the floor.

I watched you beg for god. I felt your tears like acid in my mind. I could not stop that sorrow. I will never be able to stop that sorrow. As the end began I knew peace in timelessness. As all turns to ash we can find content in the nothing. Can anything ever be free from?

You are alone and no one will say it.

Left abandoned and forgotten over and over again.

None of this is truly real.

It is war.