Live Your Own Truth

This again will likely fall into an area that people may find uncomfortable, or they may disagree strongly with my position. That is fine. Either of those results means that you are at least thinking about what I am writing here. That means I am achieving at least one of my stated “E’s” Enlightenment or if you just laugh all the way through, Entertainment. If I do a really good job I may also Encourage certain people.

Let’s start out with a couple disclosures, I am a 47 year old white male who lives in the New England Region of the United States. I work full time, am married to a lovely woman who tolerates me quite well and I am the proud father of a 12 year old boy who is turning out pretty well despite us. My pronouns are He/Him, I am Cis Hetero, was raised Catholic, but would now say I am a Spirtualist, am a registered Libertarian, but have been a member of both the Republican and Democratic parties at different points in the past. I am an Eagle Scout, have a Bachelor’s Degree, work full time and have several “side hustles” I engage in to varying levels of success. I watch way too much TV and love movies and popular music made from 1955-1990ish with a few more recent tunes making the cut. I also enjoy travelling, great food and drink and games of nearly all types. This is My truth. I think that covers it.

Why do you need to know this? So you can see where I came from to get to where I am now.

Some of that progress is the direct result of having wonderful relationships with family, friends and collaborators, employers, mentors, teachers and co-workers. I can honestly say, I would not be who I am today without such influences. But today I want to talk about just one set of friends and collaborators. People I have been greatly privileged to have in my life. These are the folks that are members of the LGBTQ+ community. I grew up in the 1980s in a small town that is only just now cresting 2000 people. I am pretty sure I was unaware of “gay culture” or anything other than the Cis Hetero types of relationships typified by my parents growing up with the possible exception of the now incredibly dated and inappropriate depiction of Jack Tripper on the sit com Three’s Company. It wasn’t until college that I knew anyone that had been open enough with me to identify them as other than Cis Hetero; this brings us up to the Mid 1990s. Then things changed, I was old enough to go out to bars and clubs, I started LARPing(Live Action Role Playing) and being involved in Theater. Yeah, all the stereotypical places where one on the uninitiated encounters non Cis Hetero individuals. I met some wonderful people who were comfortable enough with their own identity to be recognized for who they were by even a myopic rube like me.

Fast forward a year or two and I go out with some Gay friends to celebrate Pride Weekend by patronizing all of the gay bars and clubs in town. These were incredible men I was palling around with. They were warm, friendly, intelligent and inclusive of their hopelessly unhip Cis Male friend. I had a wonderful time. In fact, I felt more comfortable on the dance floor in the gay clubs than I ever had in “straight clubs” because people respected your personal space. You could flop around however you liked with both your left feet and not feel judged by anyone.

Fast forward again to now. 2020. I look around and see openly gay characters in the TV shows I enjoy, the films I see, the books and comics I read and more and more I see folks that represent every color in the banner. Maybe it is because the world is more accepting than it was in my formative years, or perhaps it is because my eyes and heart are more open to people being who they are meant to be that I am finally recognizing it around me.

All this preamble has finally brought me to my point. When talking with a very dear friend and collaborator recently I stumbled onto a way to summarize this phenomenon. It has to do with the way you look at others as well as yourself and the words you use to describe that process. Do you try to comprehend others and their truth? Or do you seek to accept or understand? These may sound similar but they are radically different. Comprehension is a mental exercise, it is formulated and initiated by your brain. It relies on logic and experience and has little room for emotion in any way.

I am certain, given my background and Cis Hetero identity, that I will never fully comprehend the unique truths of my friends in the LGBTQ+ community. My frame of reference is from a different angle, my experience of profiling, bigotry, discrimination, hatred, slander and a million other things is limited in comparison. But I do not need to comprehend. Because it is not my Truth. I do not need to make it my own, because I have my own. That is enough for me.

I have a growing certainty, however, that I am moving toward understanding and accepting their various personal truths. This is because acceptance and understanding come from the heart. It does not require logic or proof; it only requires compassion, caring, respect and openness. I work at it everyday because my friends, my family, my community and the world I live in deserve that effort.

I live my unique Truth and I leave it to others to find and live theirs.

Hopefully, you will be inspired to do the same.