LITTLE BLACK BOOK SWAP

"Dear Universe, Thank you for the $20,000. Dear Universe, Thank you for the $20,000. Dear Universe…" She keeps desperately writing this all over the page.

Nadine wished her life could turn around somehow. Get a fresh start. If she just had a chunk of money...

“I could finally feel GOOD about something in my life.”

She takes a deep breath, and closes her journal.

“This time, I just know it’s gonna work!” she tells herself.

She sits staring at the black notebook sitting in front of her for a few minutes. With her hand she softly grazes over the smooth binding, the rounded corners of the pages, and traces a tiny sticker she pasted onto the front bottom corner. She pulls the elastic around her notebook and holds it tight to her chest. This journal has witnessed quite a ride. She’s kept it so close to her heart, and yet at times, she’s hated it for the promises it never kept.

Nadine, a young woman, had been reading books about the law of attraction over a few years. She’s been in multiple “manifestation” Facebook groups and became obsessed with trying to change her life through these miraculous methods.

“If it happens for others, then it can happen for me.”

Nadine had a scarce start to life, and into adulthood. Modern times has been tough on many people. She dropped out of school for fear of being unable to pay back her student loans. Nadine suffers from some mental health issues. She has been in multiple unhealthy or abusive relationships. And she feels powerless a lot of the time. She’s lost a lot of faith in life and in herself.

Having alienated herself from old friends and family, the only lifelines she felt she had were her faithful Moleskine journals, and the safe haven that book stores and libraries offered her.

After a morning shift at the diner, she could spend hours getting lost in philosophy and non-fiction, searching for the meaning of her life. She’d find solace in the quiet aisles turning to random pages in hundreds of books, and mining out gemstones of wisdom to keep her going.

And when her whole life was falling apart day after day, at least her journal wouldn’t. She took it everywhere. She’d fill it right up with ideas, dreams, frustrations, and musings. Just as quickly, she’d invest in the next. She was always impressed by how well they stayed together when she herself couldn’t “keep it together”.

So, after skimming through the latest “manifest money” book, Nadine was trying again. While willing the vision of holding $20,000 in her hands, Nadine imagined being able to take a vacation somewhere for the first time in her life. She imagined getting herself some new clothes. Having always been a thrift shopper out of necessity, she dreamed of treating herself to stuff really truly hers. And she imagined being able to finish her degree without the stress of having to pay rent, and feed herself properly, too.

Nadine knew that her life weighed on her, and the reality was that it all felt like too much sometimes. She prayed for a miracle everyday.

As with every other time Nadine tried manifesting through sheer will of thought, for the first few days, Nadine’s energy shot up. Her hope filled her mind with such joyful expectations. But the energy fades. No money magically appears in her life.

Weeks pass by, and her mind turns into a war-zone of self-deprecation.

Nadine decides to give it up. She read all the books, gave all the methods the best try she could.

"I just don’t believe enough. I’m not enough, even for a miracle," she writes in her journal. "Maybe I’ll never actually get any respite. I should stop expecting it. "

And with that, Nadine put the black notebook in her bag, and headed to the bookstore.

“This time,” she tells herself, “No more. No more law of attraction head-traps.” And she heads toward a different set of books: Visual Art.

Opening up books of old paintings and artful nature photography always brought peace into her heart and cleared her mind. She spent a few hours letting herself get transported into beauty.

Nadine didn’t even see the time go by before the store closing announcement came over the PA system. Startled out of her daze, she takes a deep breath, puts the books she pulled off the shelves back, and makes her way toward the exit carrying her notebook.

Just as Nadine was reaching the door, a middle-aged woman was also hurriedly heading to the exit while looking at her phone. Before Nadine could catch what was happening she had walked right into her, and all their belongings went crashing into the air and all over the floor; Nadine’s black journal, the lady’s phone and books she bought, and also a black notebook she had been carrying.

“OH! I’m so sorry, Mam! This is all my fault. I’m such a feather-head!” Nadine rushes to her aid, almost in tears.

When the lady picks up her phone, she shrieks, “OH NO! MY PHONE!” The woman’s screen was shattered, and the backlight was flashing angrily. “This is the last thing I need!”

Nadine was now in tears. “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! Please let me pay to fix your phone.”

“Oh, honey! No… don’t worry, it’s just a phone.” She puts her phone in her pocket and looks Nadine tenderly in the eyes. “Such is life, sometimes. Things break, but… everything can be woven anew. And sometimes a break is catching an even better break in disguise!” She winks. “Maybe I’ll finally be able to take that bath tonight.” She smiles.

Relieved, Nadine wipes her eyes in embarrassment. "What a kind woman," she thinks to herself.

With that, the woman takes the books Nadine picked up for her, thanks her, and walks out the door. Nadine picks her own journal up off the floor and walks home.

After dinner, she sits down to write about the beautiful woman she crashed into. She couldn’t stop thinking of her sophisticated look, her powerful eyes, and her way with words. But when she opens her journal, she realizes it’s the wrong one.

"Shoot! We have the same notebook! "

She flips to the inside cover page:

In case of loss, please return to:

Sandra Atrick

SEA Publishing

3654 Fisher St.

250-824-6468

As a reward: $ ________

"Does anyone fill out the reward section?"

Nadine calls Sandra, but is sent straight to voicemail. She remembers that her phone is probably broken. She decides she’ll go to the address provided the following Monday. Likely, Sandra has her journal but now Nadine feels even more embarrassed at the thought of this woman opening it.

The following day is Saturday, and she gets a call from Sandra asking if they can meet for a little black book swap at her publishing office Monday. Sandra is very quick and formal over the phone.

"She sure seems like a busy person," Nadine thinks to herself.

Over the weekend, Nadine cannot help but peek into Sandra’s black notebook. Heart racing of her own audacity, the actual product of her exploration was but a bunch of notes, names, numbers, addresses… some interesting quotes, too.

Sandra’s notebook was very practical and work-related. This intrigued Nadine. It peaked her wonder to witness the exact same black notebook used in such a new way. And she imagined what it would be like to be someone who owned one like this on the inside.

The following Monday, she shows up at SEA Publishing. It’s a quaint little suite atop a beautiful old building in the downtown core. Curiously, there wasn’t anyone at the front desk, so she decided to wait in the chairs provided until Sandra came to meet her.

About 5 minutes go by, Sandra opens one of the office doors, thanks a gentleman, and gracefully leads him out of the suite. Nadine notices her stunning, fashionably purple suit ensemble.

Sandra turns a beaming smile in Nadine’s direction and asks her if she’d come inside and have a seat with her.

Nadine shyly accepts her request. She leads her way into a gorgeous space with big windows overlooking the park across the street. She notices her own journal with the tiny sticker on the front sitting on the desk. She places Sandra’s there, too.

Without skipping a beat, as she sits down, Sandra asks Nadine, “Are you a student?”

Nervously, Nadine replies, “Yes. Well, uh… no… not right now. I took a break from my degree.”

“What are you studying?”

“Arts and Creative Writing.”

“I must ask your forgiveness, Nadine. When I opened this notebook last Saturday, my eyes fell upon some very beautiful writing of yours, and I couldn’t help my heart from reading. I’m a publisher and editor, see, and I read for a living, so before I realized what I was doing, my eyes caught hold of your words. I’m sorry. I know how personal a journal can be, and I had no right to do such a thing.” She pauses, looking down with shame.

Then, Sandra adds, “You’re an incredible writer and thinker. I’m happy to hear of your choice of studies.”

“Thank you. I’m a little embarrassed. Mostly because, me too, I’ve crossed a boundary into some sensitive information in your notebook. I’m sorry, too.”

“Well, I suppose we are both feeling vulnerable, then. I accept your apology. Thank you for meeting with me.” Sandra crosses her hands on her desk. “Nadine, running into you last Friday night feels very meaningful to me. Not only did breaking my phone allow me to have a much needed repose from work, but it also helped me realize that I desperately need an assistant. I’d like to ask you to come work for me."

Nadine is taken aback. Sandra continues, "The salary would be $20,000 over the course of the next five months. I have a few too many clients at the moment. I’d like to be able to teach you some things about this publishing house so you can help me with prospective clients. I’m also willing to give you a wardrobe allowance so that you can outfit yourself without worry. I know how expensive women’s office clothing can be. I would want you to feel 100% comfortable during your time here.”

Nadine’s face and speech is completely blank with shock and surprise.

Sandra, dutifully adds, “You’d start one week from today. We’d give it a try for one month to see if it’s a good fit. I know this is all pretty fast... I have a good feeling about you. And I don’t need a response t-…”

But Nadine had to interrupt, tears in her eyes, “YES! Oh! I must accept! Thank you!”

They both smiled at one another. A fruitful connection born.

Nadine received her hopes, after all, and SO much more.