Knowing When to Break It Off

by Elayne Douglas 8 months ago in breakups

If you’re thinking about it, you probably should.

Knowing When to Break It Off

They say that love is blind.

We ignore the red flags before us because we don’t want to believe they’re real because “we’re in love.”

Sometimes we make excuses for our significant other because “we’re in love.”

Excuses like the following:

  • He only cheated once.
  • He only seems manipulative because he loves me so much.
  • He’s not controlling, he just wants to be involved in my life.
  • He makes me cry a lot, but it’s not emotional abuse. I just don’t understand him fully.
  • Gaslighting? No, he would never gaslight me.

When I was in high school, I was in and out of a very messy and emotional relationship for three years. We ended up sticking it out for a year because we were serious this time.

I noticed right off the bat that his communication skills were basically nonexistent, but I ignored that and convinced myself it was only with his parents because what 17-year-old connects that well with his parents?

As it turned out, his lack of communication skills were extreme and were often the the reason we would have arguments.

It was absolutely terrible, but I just kept pushing through, ignoring how I was constantly irritated at him underneath all the puppy love.

My friends were telling me that my relationship wasn’t good, but sometimes faltered in telling me because of all the times I was trying happy.

Sometimes you may be in an abusive relationship but you’re still happy- yes, those exist.

Your happiness, and his happiness, should never be more important than your sanity.

He cheated on me, then called me crying the next morning, saying how sorry he was and that it would never happen again.

The tears were constantly there. It was the emotion that took its toll on me.

I was tired of being the source of strength for the entire relationship; I was tired of being leaned on.

I needed to do the leaning sometimes.

It took me four months after saying I’d break up with him to actually do it.

Continuously, I pushed it aside and found reasons to stay.

You will always find reasons to stay no matter how pathetic they are, but you will always find more reasons to leave.

If you’re looking for reasons to break up with him, then you already have one.

When I finally did it, I was devastated, and the pain and mess and the Hell I went through didn’t stop, but it was a weight off my shoulders.

Despite still loving him but slowly getting over that, I no longer had to carry him.

Never carry your man.

Your weight on each other should always be equal, unless there’s a particular event that occurs where obvious extra emotional encouragement will be needed.

Never stay in a relationship because you’re worried of hurting them.

A relationship is a partnership, but once your happiness is sacrificed, his is no longer important.

Finding yourself is your main priority.

Take care of yourself.

Heal. You need it.

breakups
Elayne  Douglas
Elayne Douglas
Read next: 'Chocolate Kisses'
Elayne Douglas

Dancer, poet, creative visionary. 

I’m full of wanderlust, left over teenage angst, and probably coffee, as well as an obvious love for writing. Here I will share my experiences and hope that they help you in some form or fashion. 

See all posts by Elayne Douglas