Knowing of the Unknown:

Today is April 3rd. A lot has happened since I last posted part 2 of my experience with Covid-19. I wasn't feeling well enough to write so I haven't been able to be as "real time" as I had thought. I want to start with March 30th. On that day, I thought my symptoms were more manageable than the last few days. Things were looking up. Breathing wasn't labored, My blood oxygen level was maintaining between 98-100% and I wasn't feeling as run down so I was able to go outside for awhile. We had no snow on the ground, so I had decided to try to rake a little of our yard so that we could get ahead on spring cleaning. I was able to last about 20 minutes before I had to stop. I was becoming tired very fast which I expected. I was still able to get some stuff done which was a plus. Mind you, I was still dealing with what I'd call lung and throat burn and moments of dizziness but It wasn't enough to incapacitate or drag me down too hard. It felt good to be able to do something after feeling so ill for over 10 days.

The rest of the day, I felt a little winded. I could still get around ok but not doing anything for that amount of time was making me anxious. I shouldn't have done it despite how I was feeling and later that night I would realize why. At around 9pm that evening I felt so off that I was having trouble talking and remembering things. I was dealing with a bout of Paresthesia and had odd sensations in my kidney's and my legs. Everything that I drank made me cramp up and my stomach would hurt like I was bloated and the pain kept coming and going like it was moving around in my bowels. It completely killed my appetite and I could barely eat anything without feeling worse. Needless to say I went to bed restless and was unable to sleep much. When I finally fell asleep, I had a major nightmare that shook me awake in a panic. My fever was back and I was shaking uncontrollably, unable to get warm despite several blankets and being curled up with my husband. I was able to fall asleep drained after a couple hours but was afraid to fall back asleep due to how quickly my body was put in panic mode.

The next day, I felt really lethargic and was experiencing moments where I could barely move without being achy all over. I was a bit shaky and cold and had a hard time concentrating even playing a game on my phone. The day went by pretty quickly and by evening I began feeling ok or so I thought. It was almost like clockwork. At around 9:30pm, out of nowhere my heart took off like I was having a panic attack. I put the blood oximeter on my finger and saw that my oxygen level hit 92% and my heart rate shot above 144 beats per minute. I tried everything to try to calm and slow my heart rate for almost 5 minutes to which nothing, not even grounding techniques for anxiety helped. My hands turned deep red and clammy, my breathing became harder and I was shaking uncontrollably. I became scared and tried to keep telling myself I'm going to be okay. It scared me to see those numbers on the oximeter. I took it off and sat it aside immediately as I knew the beeping would only exacerbate my heart rate further and cause me to freak out which would be a disaster. I took deep breathes really slow. I knew I had to get my heart rate under control before the chances of passing out would rear its ugly head. It was the worst 5 minutes I have experienced since I contracted covid-19.

In the 2 days that have followed, I have realized my heart has been affected by this virus. After calming myself and regaining control, It took everything in me to fall asleep. I have developed a slight fear of falling asleep as I'm afraid that if I do I may not wake up. I have to lay there until I can't stay awake any longer and force myself to fall asleep. Since my heart took off, I have had sensations in my heart that feel unnatural and my kidneys hurt more. I still don't have my sense of smell and I'm easily tired and winded. I have moments where I feel okay but then by nightfall I feel like I've had too much coffee and yet feel like I ran a mile. This virus is something that shouldn't be taken lightly. You can feel fine one moment and feel like you might die in the next. I can't help but feel nervous as I have been hearing friends and people from our community dying or being left debilitated by the effects of this. One of my brother in law's friends recently passed away from complications of Covid. He mentioned that his friend had gotten it twice but there is speculation that he may not have been over it the first time. This is a scary time for all right now, myself included.

I want to leave you with some very crucial advice for trying to recover from this virus. Take every precaution. Follow what is asked of you. It is so important and not doing so could spell out trouble when trying to beat this thing. I want to make it clear that you need to take probiotics, drink a hell of a lot of water and get electrolytes in every chance you get. Do not do strenuous activity but make sure you get up and move around often. Listen to your body. It will tell you what you can and can't do during this. Just because you feel better doesn't mean your in the clear. It can still come at you like a razorblade. It can even do so after a few minutes, hours, days, even weeks after symptoms subside from what I have been hearing from people and what I've experienced so far. This virus can literally scar you for life. Your lungs, heart, your brain and other vital organs can and possibly will forever be altered if you don't stay hydrated and take care of yourself. It is not selfish to put you first especially at a time like this. Your health is critical during the infection period and thus after. Try to keep yourself in good spirits. Music has been a key factor in moments where I've been afraid. Don't take anything for granted. Learn to appreciate your surroundings. When is the last time you went outside during a rain storm? If you can still smell, breath it in. Feel every drop on your skin. Listen for real. Let it calm you. Observe and appreciate what beauty lies in its songs. I dare you to take a walk in a rainstorm like I did when I heard my diagnosis. I think of that moment when I start to feel bad. I hope to do it again soon. But the most important piece of advice I can give you is don't give up hope. Never surrender to darkness. "Never Say Die."