January 19, 2021

Dear Diary,

I’m a bit confused on this whole dating a single father thing. Like how do married people even get booty? Its soo difficult. I’m guessing they can only get it when the kids go to sleep because I don’t see any other way to do the nasty with a kid wide awake. Whatever, I don’t really think it will last though. This is what’s happening now. So before when we first started talking there was a good morning text and a good night text. Now I won’t hear from him at all in the morning or in the evening. I guess he lost interest or maybe he’s just stressed out. I’m not too sure which it could be. I know he keeps saying he’s broke and that he isn’t receiving his unemployment. He has expressed his frustration with his finances and how he’s behind on everything. He does Favors but won’t get his ass up and do any of them to make the money. He’s mostly banking on things that need funding to start but won’t use the Favors to start it. He’s also gambling with the government income. He is always talking about the government money this and the government money that. Like find a job so you can pay the bills. Do Favors while your kid is at school. Get a work from home call center job or something so you can take care of him. He said that the company he used to work for making $1200 a week called him back to work. Guess what the fuck he did… TURNED IT DOWN!!! Like what the ENTIRE FUCK is that!? He said he isn’t comfortable putting his son in childcare which I get due to the pandemic thing going on. But you will need to do something to make money. I guess I was wrong about that ambition of his. I’m really concerned because I think the gaming is really an escape from the reality he’s living in. That’s what it seems like anyway. I can’t say what he does when I’m not there but when I’m there he doesn’t spend any time with his son. It’s just YouTube that takes care of his son. He watches YouTube too and its hella annoying. I’m like why don’t you have game night with us or a movie night with us. He says ok and then when I get there what does he do…. WATCH FUCKING YOUTUBE or hop on the game and tells his son to go watch TV!! Like bro… There is more to watch than YouTube. Not to mention the fact he feeds his son extra trash. I mean like when I’m there all he gives him is gummies, chips, candy and cereal. The boy won’t eat one fruit or veggie. He might eat some chicken nuggets. No Cap, this past weekend I was there he fed him two bags of Cheetos at 8am, then an hour later fed him gummies. I slept during lunch because my period came but when I woke up and called him, he said he bought him doughnuts for lunch. I left around 2 or 3 because I had some stuff to do. Came back at night and the boy had skittles. He aint little either. Then he got the nerve to scream at the child when he asks for the shit. I’m like, quit screaming at him because you are the one that has him addicted to this bullshit. Sugar is drug and he’s definitely addicted to it. Aint no point in screaming at him if you are going to allow him to eat it every damn day All day long. Monkey see monkey do with kids. If he saw you eating something different then he will. If those choices aren’t available to him then he will find something else to eat. He says he feels guilty because his mother isn’t around. That’s not your fault unless you killed her. I mean I’m not small but damn, I don’t eat bullshit all day every damn day. When I’m there and his dad is sleep I at least try to feed him some type of fruit in the morning and the kid wont even take that. Ill give him cereal in the morning but only a kid bowl. You know what the kid tells me? No a big bowl!! THE DEVIL IS A LIE!!! I don’t feed any child a grown-up size meal unless it’s a teenager and I limit that shit. Good Lord Almighty Diary. I don’t know anymore. So, this is what I’m going to do. He doesn’t want to call me anymore, fine, I won’t keep making the effort and we’ll see when he calls me and if at all he’ll call my ass. Not trying to play games but I’m not going to put energy and effort into a another relationship and I’m not getting the same thing in return. If he’s too stressed to balance his life as a single father and a girlfriend then he needs to drop the girlfriend and worry about himself and his child. I would be happier if he would let me know that. Anyway, Imma holla atcha!