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It's not necessarily a lack of skills, it's the "fear" that makes you choose to avoid the workplace

A combination of yearning and escapism

By Black QiPublished 2 years ago 7 min read
It's not necessarily a lack of skills, it's the "fear" that makes you choose to avoid the workplace
Photo by Mike Kononov on Unsplash

Does it often happen in your circle of life that a friend or colleague is unable to find a job for a long time after they have left their last job?

If you ask why the person in question usually has several overwhelmingly coincidental reasons for the existence of this phenomenon.

: they can't find a suitable job at the moment

: the employee is too poorly paid

: taking a break before looking again

If you look at this group of people continuously, you will find another coincidental result: these people are often unemployed for a long period and have since lost all desire, passion, and confidence in their work.

There are even people in this category who you might think are very talented, very articulate, have a wide social circle, and so on, but why do they face continuous unemployment?

It may have nothing to do with their skills, abilities, or circumstances, but rather the "fear" that they imply to themselves that they have been choosing to avoid the fact that they have lost their jobs.


The nature of strangers

If you have ever had a cat or dog, you will find that when a cat or dog starts in an unfamiliar environment, it often does not eat or drink, and no matter how good a snack you bring them, it will respond with a glum look at first.

Office Building

This is a natural reaction to the unfamiliarity that animals show, and so do humans.

Compared to animals, human beings have a higher order of feeling and feedback to strangeness, not just avoidance but also some yearning, just like the saying about love: "Wildflowers always smell better than home flowers", and it is the thought of yearning that guides our behavior

We yearn for something better, something of better quality, something more satisfying for us, and so it is with work. The moment you choose to leave your job, this thought has unconsciously started to sprout in your nervous system.

But aspiring doesn't mean we can manage it, get it, or put it into action successfully. Every new situation we face is full of unfamiliarity, and if you are not confident enough to take the first step to embrace it voluntarily, this nature makes you choose to avoid it in the first place.


The combination of yearning and avoidance

When we are faced with something unfamiliar, we can't help but think, feel and act in a confused way, and we are vulnerable and aggressive.

Let's try to imagine a scenario like the following.

When you see someone you care about who is unemployed for a long time, you stand up for yourself from the inside to offer some help, but the feedback you get from the person often goes something like this.

: I know how to find a job on my own, I don't need your help

: Are you making fun of me?

: Mind your own business, don't worry about it

This natural emergency response is just a self-protective measure. We can understand that we are more self-protective when faced with unfamiliar things, sometimes even actively rejecting some outside help and resenting the feeling.

At this time the behavior is the opposite of what is going on inside, the more agitated the refusal is the more confused and less confident it is inside!

The human mind is extremely complex at this time. It wants to get help, it wants to get a better job, and it wants to get a job quickly, but the external behavior is all about rejection.

The combination of yearning and avoidance ends up making people more confused, which directly increases the amount of time they remain unemployed. Why does this happen? Perhaps you are simply ignoring how much of an effect it has on you.


The impact of the Hunter effect

Psychology calls the blind confidence and positive attitudes that people have as a result of receiving (false) information the Hunter effect, the ultimate conclusion of which is that "everyone has a self-referential function".

The case of the 'avoidance' behavior we are discussing today, fits this last argument, except that it is not blind confidence but deep self-denial that results, i.e. when a person is extremely unconfident, he or she will also receive false information about the self, which will lead to further denial of the self and ultimately to our brain choose avoidance to avoid such self-harm.

The reasons for this are twofold: lack of purpose and lack of planning, both of which were lacking from the moment we left our last job.

Lack of goals

Analysis: when many people leave a job, they do not have a clear goal, they do not know where to go, they do not know what to do in their next job, and they do not even know what their reasons for leaving are, it could be just because of an argument with a colleague or a critical conversation with a leader, which could be the reason for leaving.

Lack of planning

Analysis: Generally when we have chosen to leave, or before the decision to leave arises, we are supposed to plan our next job, even if it is not very clear, there should be multiple sets of preparatory plans. For example, what industry to choose, what is the expected salary, and what is the channel of job search? These are all elements of planning that need to be clarified.

It is because there are too many non-leave, false impulses, and young human nature that let us leave our job and not quickly into the next job, or even in a long-term unemployment status.

With such a thing perpetuated, the Hunter effect only works to make you feel even more inferior, lost, and out of your depth! It's called the stranger you are, the more scared you are and the more scared you are, the more lost you are. In the absence of goals and planning, it's hard to have a handle on our true strengths, so to speak, and maybe you don't even know how much you have. This is a direct result of our fear of taking the initiative, we expect more like a pie in the sky and we just catch it.

Eventually, this all comes together in what we know as 'fear', which makes us more sensitive, irritable, and disappointed, and we become more and more afraid to face the truth, even to the point of mild depression in some cases.


The SMART rule to break out of a rut

The SMART method is commonly referred to as the goal management method. It helps us to be more clear about what our goals are and to plan accordingly.

SMART is an acronym for the following, which are shown in the diagram above.  

1. Specific (goals must be specific)

How to make the goal specific?

Here contains two goals, firstly, the goal of resignation must be specific, and secondly, the goal of job search must also be specific, for example, I resign because my salary is too low, and I seek employment because I want to get a higher salary.

2. Measurable (the goal must be measurable)

What is the goal must be measurable

The so-called measurable here is an innate condition that can not be achieved, how do you go to determine whether your goals have real and implementable? For example, if I want to achieve a goal of earning $10,000 a month, I should draw on other colleagues in my industry or local circumstances as the standard for measuring my goal.

3. Attainable (the goal must be achievable)

What is an attainable goal?

For example, if you say you are looking for a job that pays $100 million a month, such a goal is not feasible and you are unlikely to achieve it. You must take into account your abilities, your network, and the recruitment market to determine whether your goal is achievable.

4. Relevant (the goal must have relevance to other goals)

What is the relevance of the objective to other objectives?

If your goal is a fantasy, if you want to be an Ultraman, it has nothing to do with your life. Your goal must be as relevant as I want to make money and I want to buy a house so that you can further your goal.

Time-based (goals must have clear deadlines)

What is the deadline for a goal?

This is better understood as you have to set a deadline for your goal to be achieved and not put it off again and again. Only if you set yourself a clear time frame will you be able to keep moving towards your goal and have a precise sense of time.

When you have completed all 5 of these steps, you will have clear and well-defined goals, whether you choose to leave your job or take the next step in your job search, you will need to do a good job of managing such goals.

You can't talk about planning without a goal, planning is just breaking down each step in the goal.



In this article, the bear recommended to everyone use SMART to do goal management, and eventually achieve the effect of breaking through the dilemma.

The only way you can get out of this situation is to clarify your goals and plan a solution.

Anyone can use this method of goal management, at work and in life. Only when you have a plan and a goal, everything will naturally fall into place.


About the Creator

Black Qi

It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.

If you don't know what you want, you end up with a lot you don't.

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