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Is There love ?

Past and present events makes the word love seem impossible.

By Narleysia NicoleePublished 4 years ago 3 min read
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Is there Love? when you spend majority of your life feeling as though you were by yourself or because you weren’t like everyone else that you felt you didn’t belong anywhere. Even though, you did try to fit in. It felt like you were forcing yourself and other times it was just a negative effect that broke you piece by piece. It killed you to put those pieces back together because it took a lot of you to try and then feel that pain at the end repeatedly, but you did it.

Is there love when the people you thought are supposed to give it to you when you need it the most, don’t really give it to you where you feel safe and comfortable to even utter a word of your thoughts to them? Then throughout the time in your life you may meet people that are significant to you too. Now, don’t get me wrong there’s nothing wrong with being social, there’s nothing wrong with caring or loving the people you meet because you know loving can be beautiful, but it can be ugly, and it can get really ugly especially when meeting the wrong people or being around people that treat you less than what you are when they're angry but when they aren’t.. they praise you and telling you you’re somebody.

It’s hard to leave that person behind sometimes when you get so used the act and ways or because you love them so much that you feel you can’t go or you are just stuck having to deal with it because you think that you have nowhere else to go but that love isn’t worth having if they can make you feel like you deserve to be mistreated then when you're being the way they want you to be you can have all the love and gifts you wanted. That's not love, it’s not love when you question yourself with things like “Do I deserve it?” or “Maybe I should have listened.” It’s intoxicating to have to be at war with yourself because of that.

It’s wrong for anyone period to go through that with people that you care about and they never cared about you or their feelings are all over the place about you because they are unhappy with who they are or they enjoy hurting you. Especially when you already went through so much in your life of trying to feel right with yourself and with others. Thinking that telling people your truth, your feelings, hoping that they would understand, but they don’t always do. It’s sad that I know best because these things happened to me and I'm still at crossroads with the thought of “if there is love for me?”

When all these things hurt me for trying to be something to someone, Now leaving me fearing the worse of new people I meet and not wanting to be bother with people that says they care about me because even though I can wake up and start my day doesn’t mean that I forgot the feeling, it is still feels so fresh to me. Just for the simple fact it wasn’t that long ago, and it is not always a positive day for me. I end up feeling even more pain because of it. Who’s going to want somebody that is afraid of loving or believing that there is somebody that can love me? That can simply love me genuinely and thoughtful of my feelings. Someone who can understand that when I feel that I can’t speak that they don’t give up on me or knock me down for feeling weak, but I’m not sure if I’ll ever have that type of love for me.

love
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About the Creator

Narleysia Nicolee

just another writer telling a story. 💛🧚🏾‍♀️ Did I tell you though I write poetry and have books out? I also prefer brownies over cake.. Anywhosies Thank you and I hope you enjoy my work since you’re here.

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