Indians Need To Start Dating

According to the Lok Foundation-Oxford University survey, 93% urban Indian population said they had an arranged marriage as of January 2018.

When people get ready to marry a person selected by their parents and society, dating and being in a relationship never hit their radar. Therefore, dating is still considered taboo in my country. The conservative beliefs and orthodoxy don’t allow people to interact with the opposite sex.

Luckily, because of my liberal and advanced mother, I was never restricted from talking to guys and hang out with them. It led me to start dating when I was 16. It’s been me over a decade of dating and meeting new people. Although I haven’t found my partner yet, I have learned a great deal about myself.

My dating experience has made me learn and grow more than I ever did in college or through books. It helped me grow in my personal and professional front.

Today I am sharing how dating and being in a relationship can teach us way more than books, school, and universities. In fact, it’s 100x more effective than traditional ways of learning.

Understanding human psychology

Reading about starting a business and actually starting a business are two different things. Most psychologists are researchers because they’re on the field interacting with different kinds of people studying different minds and behavior.

When you are dating someone, or in a relationship, you see a raw version of a person that not many people can access. You get real-life experience to deal with people and their emotions. When you date someone, you try to understand what they like, why they act a certain way, and how you can charm and influence them. You start seeing a pattern in their behavior, making me understand them and other people a lot better.

Human psychology is the basis of everything we do in life, we need in sales, entrepreneurship, and even building meaningful relationships. That way, you learn basic people skills that will benefit you in decision making, stress management, and behavioral science.

Better communication

Before dating, I had difficulties communicating my feelings and desires. I’d be dying inside, but I would never share what I was feeling with anyone.

But once I got into a relationship, communication becomes an integral part of my life. I learned the importance of sharing my feelings with my partner and my friends. It saved me a lot of drama and improved my relationships.

Being with another person makes you upfront. You learn to communicate what you want, what you expect from your beau, what hurts you, and what makes you happy.

You must have stumbled upon thousands of courses on how to speak in English, Spanish, etc., none of them can teach us how to communicate our emotions and feelings. These are lessons that can only be learned when you get into the game.

It also teaches us how to avoid conflict and how to solve them if we get into it. With every new fight and argument, you get better at communicating and making your point.

You become more self-aware

When you date a person, you face new situations, entertain new thoughts and new emotions.

Every new person you meet introduces you to a new side of you that you never had the chance to discover. Mia (played by Emma Stone) from La La Land had no idea she liked Jazz; she was oblivious about her ability to write her own play until she meets Sabastian (Ryan Gosling). After finding her newfound interest in Jazz and his hidden reservoir talent, she successfully produces and acts in her musical and builds her career as a successful actress.

Similarly, when you are offered new choices and hear a new perspective, you learn more about your liking and interests. You also learn about what qualities you can’t sacrifice in a partner and what’s the most important part (honesty, sex, understanding,…) for you in a relationship.

We sometimes need an external factor to introduce us to our inner world.

Being in a relationship brings light to your inherits, values, and behaviors. This kind of self-awareness can’t be found in books, videos, or a college curriculum.

Emotional health becomes a priority

Why does a breakup hurt more than any dispute with our friends?

The emotional attachment you share with a partner is significantly more than any of your other relationships. Emotionally healthy people are in control of their feelings, thoughts, and emotions. They know how not to let their emotions take over him and drain him out.

For a person who'd never been in a relationship, handling their emotions may seem like a big challenge. Getting your heart broken at 16, 26, or even 36 is much better than going through turmoil at 45, 55.

According to Harvard Medical School, healing gets harder as we grow old. It’s wise to experiment, travel, break our hearts and bones while we’re young.

Fail fast, fail early applies here as well.

Gain a new perspective

When you’re dating, you start seeing the world from a completely different perspective — Will they like this shirt? Are they going to love my favorite restaurant?

You now start enjoying things you never thought you’d enjoy. You start listening to different music, read different genres, and try different food.

This new shift opens a pandora of choices and options.

I had never been a fan of tacos, but I have now found one of my favorite snacks after dating a taco freak.

Sometimes you don’t realize that we’re living in a tunnel vision unless someone else comes into our lives and show us how inadequate we are.

The hustle culture can make you forget about the other important part of our lives, but the right partner can help you find the balance and get a new perspective about how you live your life.

You learn about different cultures and personalities

I learned a great deal about Karnataka by dating a local guy for a few months than I did in 5 years in Bangalore. I learned more about the Kannada language than I did watching tutorials on Youtube.

Music was never an integral part of my life, but once I started going out with a musician, I learned about the importance of music in life. I could also see people's different personalities in the creative field than those who work in regular jobs.

I couldn’t have learned them willingly if I studied them in college or read a relevant book. It was because we’re so invested in our partners that we try to learn about them as much as we can.

Gain clarity about your life

All the mistakes you made while dating the wrong people taught you what you didn't need in life. All the good and ugly dates may have taken a lot of time and effort, but it was a drill you needed to pass to finally learn what you’re looking for in your life partner.

Apart from understanding human psychology, emotional health, and your self, you get a clear picture of the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. It’s always better to make mistakes while you’re dating than after you’ve got married.

The wrong ones can take you the right one.

Lastly

The playground looks completely different from the bleachers than it actually is. And to understand the game of life, you’ll have to be willing to play the game.

“When we share our naked bodies, our financial future, the range of our good and bad emotions, our dearest dreams, our most painful memories, our trembling fears, our fragile hopes, and our sweetest joys then a relationship cannot be anything other than a uniquely powerful opportunity.”

— Donna Goddard, Love’s Longing

Books and universities can give us knowledge, but the experience of living life only comes from living it.