In the Age of #MeToo, Can You Ask a Woman out More Than Once?

Is it ok to ask a woman out more than once? Well, it’s not something I’ve dedicated a lot of time thinking about. But Bill Maher raising the subject got me thinking.

#MeToo clearly upon us, I learned that actual policy dictates strict limits at Google and Facebook. You may not ask out any employee more than once. “Right,” said Maher in his New Rules segment, “because feelings never change.”

Humans Are Never Really Sure What They Want

I’m even going to go as far as saying that women may not know what they want when they initially say no. I can say that because men aren't any different, and I’ll use myself as an example.

I peruse through life thinking, I should really be asking that person out. But I find all manner of superficial, frivolous reasons to stand pat.

All our complication in consideration, what’s wrong with a little extra push. Of course, if repetition starts running toward double digits, I have no problem with restraining orders and court mandated psychotherapy.

Asking Twice Is Not for Me

Either way, you probably have me profiled as a serial offender in the art of rejection dating. Are you kidding?

I have a hard enough time asking someone out once. So you can forget about me cascading enough muster to do it twice. At the same time, I’m a firm believer that no means no. So much so that I’m pretty sure that yes means no too.

I like to throw in that latter part because it’s what I do. But who knew I wasn’t joking? The scenario has actually played out several times in the last few years. I was told yes and a date never emerged.

I should be mad, but I choose to see how clever this approach was. “Yes," filibustered me and meandered until "no" turned out to be the actual answer.

I guess... But no reason to dwell. I take solace in the words of Will Smith in Hitch. “She’s a nice person. She doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.”

Motherly Advice Says It Twice

Still, I wonder how big a deal it is to ask someone out more than once. If someone did it to me, I’d be annoyed, and maybe this isn’t something that should be made light of.

On the other hand, I’ve learned I should not make assumptions over the manner in which women view the world. So I have a few to do the thinking for me.

In the mid 90s, I worked for a telecommunications company with a bunch of young professionals. At the reception desk was Marie, and in her mid 40s, she was an endearing mother figure for us.

As the office romancing were flowering, she asked me if I had a girlfriend. I told her no, and she asked me if I was trying. “I just asked a girl out last week,” I told her.

Marie was unimpressed. But I was completely taken aback by her response. “You can’t just ask a girl out once, and expect her to go out with you” she implored.

What was that?

A Consensus on the Subject?

I had no idea, but it was more spur of the moment when the girl in question became the only person I ever asked out twice. (The response was the same.)

However, Marie’s take wasn’t the only one that made me step back. Several years later, I was looking to improve my public speaking skills. So I started attending readings with some of my writing, and I constructed an anecdote around Marie’s advice.

The joke looked great on paper. But I had absolutely no idea whether it would resonate among the women in the audience.

Here’s how it read.

I've been told that if you want to get a girl to go out with you, you have to ask her out more than once. So does that mean women walk around the world thinking, “I really like that guy. I can’t wait until he asks me out four or five times.”

My delivery perfect, I waited for the shoe to drop. I looked up and every single woman laughed.

So what does it prove? I don’t know? All I know is once is still good enough for me.

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