I’m Not Having a Midlife Crisis — I’m Just Finally Done Caring What Everyone Thinks

I think I’ve officially reached the age where I just don’t care anymore.

Not in a bad way.

I still care about my family. I care about my friends. I care about being a decent person. I care about plenty of things.

I just don’t care nearly as much about what everyone thinks of me.

And wow, I wish I had figured this out sooner.

I spent way too many years worrying about whether someone was mad at me, whether I said something wrong, whether I should have said yes instead of no, or whether somebody thought I was being rude.

I could replay a five-minute conversation in my head for three days.

Did she seem annoyed?

Maybe I shouldn't have said that.

Should I text her?

No, that might make it weird.

Is it already weird?

Good grief. It was exhausting.

These days, I don't have the energy for it.

Maybe that's what people mean when they talk about a midlife crisis.

Except I don't want a sports car, a dramatic new life, or to pretend I'm 25 again.

I just want to stop worrying about stupid stuff.

I Spent a Lot of Years Trying to Keep Everyone Happy

I think a lot of women fall into this without even realizing it.

You become the person who remembers everything.

Appointments. Birthdays. Who needs what. What needs to be bought. What needs to be done. Who is upset. Who needs help.

And if you're a mom, there are approximately 4,732 additional things you're somehow expected to know at all times.

Where are my shoes?

What's for dinner?

Do we have toothpaste?

When is my appointment?

I don't know. Have you tried looking with your actual eyes?

Somewhere in all of that, it becomes very easy to put yourself at the bottom of the list.

I did that for years.

I'm not interested in doing it anymore.

I've Finally Learned How to Say No

This has been a big one for me.

I used to think saying no required an explanation.

Not just an explanation either. A GOOD explanation.

I couldn't simply say, "No, I can't."

It had to be, "I'm so sorry, I can't because this happened and then I have to do this other thing and maybe I can try to..."

Why?

No is an answer.

Sometimes I don't want to go.

Sometimes I'm tired.

Sometimes I already have plans.

And sometimes those plans are sitting on my couch doing absolutely nothing.

Those plans count.

My House Looks Like People Live Here

I love those beautiful houses online.

You know the ones.

White counters. Perfectly placed pillows. Nothing on the kitchen table. Not a single charging cord anywhere.

Where is their stuff?

Seriously.

Where is the mail?

Where is the random cup somebody left in the living room?

Where is the Amazon box that has been sitting by the door for three days?

My house has stuff.

I have animals. I have plants. I have a family. There is always something happening somewhere.

Sometimes it's clean.

Sometimes it's chaos.

Usually it's somewhere in between.

I've decided I'm okay with that.

I want a home, not a showroom.

Apparently I'm Too Old to Wear Half My Clothes

The internet has a lot of opinions about what women should stop wearing after 40.

Or 45.

Or 50.

Honestly, the age seems to change depending on who is making the video.

We're too old for ripped jeans. Too old for long hair. Too old for certain shoes. Too old for bright colors.

At some point I started wondering, who made these rules?

Because I definitely wasn't at that meeting.

If I like something, I'm wearing it.

If somebody at Target thinks I'm too old for it, I guess they'll just have to find a way to recover from the experience.

Not Everyone Is Going to Like Me

This one took a long time.

I used to really struggle when I found out someone didn't like me.

My first thought was always, "What did I do?"

Then I'd start trying to figure out how to fix it.

But sometimes there isn't anything to fix.

Some people aren't going to like me.

That's okay.

I don't like everyone I meet either.

That doesn't make them horrible people. It doesn't make me a horrible person.

Sometimes people just don't click.

There are billions of people on this planet. Surely we don't all need to be best friends.

I've Stopped Explaining Myself So Much

I'm still working on this one.

I have a habit of overexplaining things.

Why I made a decision.

Why I changed my mind.

Why I'm doing something differently.

Why I don't want to do something.

But I'm starting to realize that not every decision needs to be defended.

Sometimes I changed my mind because I changed my mind.

Sometimes I tried something and hated it.

Sometimes something sounded like a great idea on Monday and by Thursday I was wondering what on earth Monday Me was thinking.

It happens.

My Circle Can Be Smaller

When I was younger, I think having a lot of friends felt important.

Now I care much more about having people around me who feel easy to be around.

I don't want to wonder where I stand with someone all the time.

I don't want friendships that feel like work.

I don't want to leave every conversation feeling drained.

I want the people who make me laugh until my stomach hurts.

I want the friend I haven't talked to in months who can pick right back up like no time has passed.

I want people who can walk into my messy house without me immediately apologizing for it.

If that means my circle is smaller, so be it.

Nobody Told Me This Part About Getting Older

We hear plenty about the bad parts of aging.

Wrinkles.

Gray hair.

Random body parts hurting for absolutely no reason.

Making a noise when you stand up even though you swore you would never become a person who makes a noise when they stand up.

But there are some really good parts too.

I know myself better.

I know what I like.

I know what I don't like.

I'm getting better at recognizing when something isn't my problem to solve.

And I'm finally understanding that most people aren't paying nearly as much attention to me as I once thought they were.

They're busy worrying about their own lives.

Just like I am.

So Maybe This Is My Midlife Crisis

If this is my midlife crisis, it's pretty boring.

There is no convertible.

I'm not quitting everything and moving to an island.

I'm definitely not trying to be 25 again. I remember 25. I'm good.

I just don't want to spend the next part of my life worrying about whether I'm doing everything the way someone else thinks I should.

I want too many plants.

I want animals everywhere.

I want to laugh too loud.

I want to stay home sometimes.

I want to wear the shirt.

I want to say no without writing a dissertation explaining why.

I want to change my mind.

And I want to enjoy my life without constantly looking around to see whether everybody else approves.

Maybe that's not a midlife crisis.

Maybe this is just what happens when you finally realize your life is yours.

It only took me half of it to figure that out.