Illuminating Narcissism

Thinking back on my own encounter with a narcissist actually makes me laugh a little. How he tried to destroy me with the lies and insults and doing whatever he felt doing but the moment I “stepped outta line” the outrage began.

Narcissistic people want to control your every move, but why? It all comes down to their insecurities. They are so insecure that if you will find out how weak they really are and when you do they’ll lose all control. They believe wholeheartedly that they are in control of you and all of their own personal affairs but the reality is, they literally have no self control, so how can they in theory control another?

Their inflated ego makes them believe that they are so much better than everyone including you but deep down they have no self worth, they are the most insecure people around because they know what they do is wrong but do they care? NO! You are just a pawn in their game of life because they live in a fantasy world. They have no sense of being wrong because in their delusion mind everything they do or say is right. They live in a very black and white world that's surrounded with misery. They cannot see gray. It doesn't exist to them. If it's not their way, it’s the wrong way.

When I started to catch on to his behavior, the lies and the manipulation, I began to see all things that were wrong with him, that he tried to burden me with. His criticism, his jealousy, his insecurities started showing up in everything he said to me and the lies, WOW, the lies! Narcissistic people are habitual liars and they see nothing wrong with it. It doesn't matter the subject, they lie about everything!!!! I did catch on quite quickly but being a person who wants to see how far a person will really go with their pathetic lies, I decided I play his game but removed any and all emotions so that his careless words would never sting again.

I wanted to see how long he’d go on thinking that he was winning the game. I am an empath, I can pick up someone's lies, energy and intentions miles away and when I did, I knew that he did not care who he hurt. He admitted to me that he "used and abused people", this is for pure enjoyment! Who does that? A person who lacks empathy and does not see you as anything but a new toy to play with. As I turned the tables on him, he believed that he was going to have his cake and eat it too but he was naïve of my motives. Being an Aquarius, we are able to shut off our heart and turn on our calculated mind and I was seeing right through his heartless persona and this soulless entity.

They say this is only a personality disorder but to me it's also a mental disorder because no one could treat people the way that these people do unless they had a screw or 20 lose in their head. They live in complete misery, trying to make you as miserable as they are. It’s all they have inside, it’s all that they feel so that’s all they can offer to the world after the mask falls off.

I watched his actions and especially his words. Letters put together that spell out lies, I should say. He didn't catch on to how the quality of my texts decreased and that I began to blow off his stupid criticism when before, I got mad. He still thought he had me forever.

They need attention so they will explode when they don’t feel as if they are getting enough. Always playing the victim. Poor me syndrome. Now if that's not a mental disorder, I don't know what is.


I played with him long enough to know that these people are evil. No remorse. They feel nothing but misery, hate, envy and so on. The people who have this disorder do not care who they have to hurt in order to get what they want. Like dominos, they’ll elevate you, push you down and stand by. just to watch you fall.

He’s an addict to many things and one is sex. He can't be stimulated by a real relationship with one person, he needs to be visually stimulated by many woman. Remember, everything is superficial to them. Porn wasn’t good enough. These actors getting paid money just didn’t do it any longer so he began creeping on my friends and family. He doesn't care how he gets it and will go to any length to get it. He even took the contacts from my phone to creep on my friends! They are criminals doing whatever they deem legal to get their fix.

They will do whatever they want to without any regard to anyone else! I woke up to critical texts almost everyday once the love bomber lost sight of his target. One day, as I woke, I immediately got a text and he was watching me from Tennessee, through my phone, he told me that I needed to diet. My clothes were all array and I’d just woken up so not my most flattering look however if you really care about someone how can this be the good morning text that’s offered? He’s not in good shape. He’s overweight and was extremely overweight at one point in his life and yet points out everyone else’s flaws but I know some of the people he clsimed was so perfect. I literally laughed outloud at the people I found out that he deemed better then me. Mr. Perfect did not fill his eyes with perfect. These girls were way and I mean way bigger than me. I have a belly as most real girls do and let’s just say they have way more in that area than I do but he should probably have been taking note of his own weight issues and not been worried about mine! Born with a thyroid out of whack my body fluctuates big time and for something so careless to be spoken, after knowing my health issues, I was done. Mr. Rock and Roll isn’t good at playing his games. Narcissists like to pick out their latest trophy but he had never strived for first place, I seen his prizes, he never even qualified and he was coming at me with this, I called a time out!

He told me I was lazy and worthless while I was on my deathbed with pneumonia. I'd wake up to texts everyday that were either just downright rude or how he had slept with someone the night before. His mentally underdeveloped self once again, was self sabotageing. Thinking that would somehow make me beg him to only be mine but I only sat and observed him even more.

He told me to go find someone new and that I was the one who needed to just be single for a while because being single was a superpower. Wow! Coming from a person who is co- defendant it was pretty amusing! He would tell me that I was nothing to him but ten minutes later, my phone would be buzzing and only to read now that I’m the one he wants and only me. All lies but I let the games continue. It was on him because I choose to no longer play along with his childish antics.

He's a grown man that has a mentality of a 12 year old. He's an insecure child that has to bully people to try and get his way but I will never be bullied. I'm fine being single, I’m not co-dependent and I need no one. No one completes me, I complete myself.

Little to his surprise, he was the one who couldn't live without me. His insecurities are written all over his face! Self worth is zero! He puts on a fake show for the world to see but he's a broken young boy who never grew up and I was not letting his issues take a toll on me. I was not going to carry his burdens as if they were mine to carry in the first place because they’re not. He can't take any responsibility for anything. Tries to lie his way out of everything but being an empath, I'm a human lie detector and could see his lies, as he told them over and over and it became hilarious and actually so boring. I got bored with him. Someone who I really wanted to talk to for so long became the person who was just childish and absolutely boring to me. Same stuff, different day. The game was about to come to an end.

He really thought that I was an idiot and would always take part in his nonchalant lies and that I was believing his outlandish stories. It was actually a game for me, to see how many lies one person can actually say and I can tell you that narcissistic doesn't know when to stop, they can’t ever tell the truth so at over 300 lies I stopped counting!

He thought he was lying to me and I'd stay forever but little did he know the joke was on him!
I am not weak. I've survived more things in my life so far that would make others contemplate if they wanted to go on and no man will ever break my warrior spirit. He thought he did. He thought he was going to give me his baggage and be left clean until tomorrow when their vicious cycle shows up once again but I wasn't having it. As a narcissistic, they rely completely on instant gratification and it's a never ending cycle. They want to hurt you because they hurt but it's not yours or mine, it's their hurt. Their trauma. I didn’t come into this with any malice towards him but that’s all that they feel. They think by hurting you, it’s taking away some of the pain they feel but it’s not, it pushes everyone around them away.

They must be man enough or woman enough to fix it or let it destroy their own life, but don’t ever carry this for them. They’ll try with all their might to make you take the blame for their misery but unless you caused it, never claim ownership.

This story could go on and on because once they figure out that you're not willing to take their downright hate towards you any longer, then they’ll decide that you're really the one they want and have this entire time. Remember they can’t love so it’s only a manipulation tactic to try and win you back because God forbid they spend a minute alone.

It was just too late.

Fast forward and I completely survived without lasting scars. Words only sting for a moment. Cutting emotional ties to a narcissist is a must once you see the first sign of narcissistic abuse. I know many people don’t see the red flags until they are already invested but it’s never too late to exit this chapter of the story. I not only ended the chapter, I closed the book.

Him being a public figure, he’s going to always have people who want him for his status, out for whatever they can gain, the game can be played both ways but I never wanted anything, especially not that lifestyle. I couldn’t care less about his name, his title or his status in life. I care about morals and integrity. How you treat people, not the size of your house or your bank account. He tried playing the game with me but I was the wrong person to choose. He thought that he was winning but he wasn’t playing to win, he was actually playing a losers game.

They are exceptional at self sabotageing themselves. They don’t know how to feel anything deeply, only superficially. They aren’t mature enough to do any internal work to help themselves to heal and to grow. They just aren’t capable.

As an empath, it’s sad and also frustrating to see a person that’s been hurt like this but never let it justify their actions.

Never let another human being make you feel that you're not up to their standards, don’t let them bring you down to their level.

As you look deeper into narcissistic abuse the abuser lacks so much. They hate themselves and want you to hate yourself, just as they do. They don’t understand what happiness is. Their smiles are fake. If you look deep into the eyes of someone who suffers from this personality disorder you’ll see the road to nowhere. Eyes mirror the soul.

They know what they do. We are just the empathetic beings who crossed their path but that doesn’t mean it’s the end of the road for us. There are so many more people walking your way that will treat you like the masterpiece that you are!

The narcissist is still a twelve year old child, stuck in a video game, never understanding that life isn’t a simulation, while holding a joystick behind a screen of pixilated characters that they can control.

Pull the plug. Game over. In this thing we call life, you only get one. Use it well.

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