If You Decide to Leave Someone

Many people are stuck in unhappy relationships because they don't have the courage to leave. Two scariest questions will pop into their heads: "how do I leave?" and "what will I do?". To the people you will leave behind, it is considered a form of betrayal, deceit, and abandonment. Fighting for the love that's no longer there, however, is the worse kind of torment.

How To Tell Someone It's Over

When things are not working out anymore, a good lover is one who faces the truth and takes a step forward to express their sincere feelings. They truly understand that their choice will hurt their partners and probably result in distressing and unpleasant words directed back to them. They are well aware that this will put their partners in deeply miserable pain, but they also know that it is better than a much longer term of suffering and disdain.

Make it brief.

The best way to tell someone it's over is to make it brief. A good lover knows that there is nothing worse than to put uncertainty that travels back and forth until all that's left is toxic attachment. They know better than to fall into a cycle where lovers tear each other apart in selfishness and desperation, ripping away their meaningful memories and, in that process, themselves. Willing to take the temporary burden and blame, a good lover acknowledges the necessity for their partners' recovery.

But Babe... Why?

Being put into a situation where logic doesn't make so much sense anymore, no good enough reason can even begin to justify this proposal of separation. Many people would advise you to find closure, one or more reasons to numb the overwhelming minds. If you do have a reason, it would be best to wholeheartedly communicate that to your partner. But if you don't, it should not be from a place of pretense, make-believe, or false hope.

Don't find bad reasons.

More importantly, don't try to find bad reasons to leave. Put on a trial under judgment and pressure, you are wired to be confused and hesitant. That doesn't mean you should list down all that is wrong with your partner, whether or not you would spell them out loud, so you could be reminded to leave. Flaws are subjective and, in some cases, are closely relative to strengths - you can't have one without resulting in another. Reasons, to your partners in denial, might imply more conditions to a love that could possibly be saved.

What about "Forever"?

We live in a society where we have been forged to believe that real love is one that lasts forever. To most, "forever" is only a form of insurance that a person wouldn't have to be alone in the long run. That is, according to a philosopher, a "Recipe of Disaster". People have a tendency to fantasize about forever with their partners in the early phase of the relationship. Does that mean we made the promise we can't keep?

Don't force it.

We should learn to expect less from our partners. We should learn to accept that not every relationship can sustain itself for the rest of our lives. Being well informed that something could last and enjoy it as much as possible is granting both parties the freedom to be content in the present. To truly love and care for our partners is to not force the relationship to last forever.

Stand Your Ground

You have to stay strong for this. You have to be sure that it is what you want and you have to convince them. Your lover might be drowning in emotions they didn't have time to prepare for. They might start bargaining and promising different things they might not mean. Remember not to use this to get what you want because a stain like this could be extraordinarily difficult to heal. Remember not to give in to the desires for a change feeding on fear.

How To Remember Your Ex

Just like how it's important to remember not to forge a reason for this breakup, it's significant not to list down your partners' disadvantages afterward. Remember them as your lover, not as a person of mistakes. Leave knowing that your partner might be good for someone else. Leave knowing that there is nothing wrong with either of you.

“You loved your ex once and you probably still do, so keep those great qualities of theirs close to your heart, which leads me to the final and potentially most radical point: it's OK to stay in love with the parts of your ex that you were always in love with. Love all of those wonderful parts of them. They still exist, they can still make you feel the way you felt for that person. Rather than shutting them out, lean into the unfamiliarity of those feelings and explore them. We lose all the nuance of life when we make it all bad or all good." ― Gwyneth Paltrow

But if you haven't made a decision to leave, unravel the secret talk of a lasting love.