I Will Remember You.

TW// homicide

Dear Nevia,

Do you recall the first time we met fourteen years ago in the ninth grade? I was the new kid on the block and fearful of being the outcast. I had just transferred from another school, and everyone in our class had already known each other for at least two years. But for me, I knew no one. I dreaded stepping into our classroom that first morning as I did not know what to expect. Was I entering a scene from Mean Girls, or was I going to be greeted by genuinely friendly faces? It turns out that I was lucky; it was the latter. Your face was one of those friendly faces, the kind that made all my doubts melt away. At that point, I knew everything was going to be okay, even before we got a chance to exchange words. Apparently, I am not the only one who felt this level of comfort around you.

You can imagine the dismay I felt last year on January 13, 2020, when I found out that someone was bold enough to hurt a genial person like you. My heart sank when I realized that person was someone you trusted, someone you loved. How dare he? How heartless could someone be to climb through your window and take your life as you slumber? This was all because you had the strength to walk away from him and a toxic relationship. He wasn't man enough to handle that. Is that our reality now as women? Do we risk losing our lives when we choose to stand up for ourselves?

I only have one photograph with you. Do you remember it? It is the class photo we took on the chapel steps for our yearbook. It isn't the best quality, but it captures one of my favorite high school memories that include you. As I stood in the back row and you in the front, I never dreamed that I would one day clutch this memory so tightly in hopes not to tarnish the image I have of you in my mind. I must admit, it has been a bit hard because I do see photos of you in the media, the most recent being this week. I included one of the articles above for you to see. I tried to find one with a more palatable heading, but the reality is that most news outlets called the situation exactly what it was. And you know what? I am okay with that because now isn't the time to see things through rose-coloured lenses. We need to call this out for what it is, a blatant disregard for the lives of you and other women by undeserving men. Did you know that your attacker pled guilty? I was surprised. Your dad saw him flee the scene and he initially denied ever seeing you that night. But, his confession is not comforting in any way. Why? His legal team is currently requesting a psych evaluation. I could be wrong, but I think this is his attempt to reduce or evade his sentence—the audacity.

You didn't know this, but one of your cousins is my best friend and has been since 2009. We were talking about the case today, and we are both incandescent. I was taught never to wish bad for anyone, but sometimes I can't help but hope that his punishment will be jungle justice. Not just him, but all the other like-minded perpetrators as well. Just hours before he took your life, another woman suffered a similar fate in a different part of the island. Her name is Suianne Easy, and her partner murdered her before taking his own life because she was allegedly seeing another man. Do these monsters see us as their prey or objects they own? Will I have to live with trepidation the next time I decide to leave a situation with a man that is detrimental to me? Should I forget my dream of procreating and having a mini-me because someone may one day snatch her away from me when I least expect it?

Toxic masculinity is prevalent in our society, and it doesn't seem to be going anywhere any time soon. I am tired of it, Nevia. If you were still here, you would be too. I've identifed thirteen women in addition to you who also had the rug of life pulled from beneath them by their partners. We both know that this list is non-exhaustive. There are many others who have suffered this way too. Who do we trust if you all were betrayed by men you shared your lives with? Some of you even shared a bed with these miscreants. In your case, you'd think that the love you once had would have stopped him in his tracks as he silently climbed through your window that dreadful night. But that was not the case. He continued to your kitchen and used one of your knives to carry out his heinous deed. He was void of remorse. His act was inhumane and left many of us hurting. I doubt that he even cares. I’m sorry that his is one of the last faces you saw before you left this world. But, I hope that your face haunts him for eternity.

Each year, we recognize November 25 as the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women. At this rate, our awareness and advocacy ought to extend beyond this day; one day is simply not enough. I know that we will have to work overtime to get justice for you, every other Jamaican victim, and victims worldwide. This violence against women goes beyond bitter and jealous partners. You know, since we lost you last year, many more females than usual have gone missing, some of whom were found raped and murdered because they turned down the advances of men who were desperate to have them. The worst part is the hackneyed comments from the public about these cases: "She deserved it," "It is because of the type of clothes she wore," "Why didn't she just give it up?" Can you imagine our fellow sisters hearing such things after facing this trauma? That is, if they even live to tell the tale. Our country is ranked as one of those with the highest rates of femicide. I do not say this proudly. This has to change; the violence has to stop. Sadly, it is too late to save you, but it isn't too late to save other potential victims—I hope.

I refuse to remember you as the girl from St. Elizabeth who was murdered by her estranged partner. No. I will remember you as my high school classmate, Nevia, the strong yet pleasant girl who made me feel like I belonged in an environment that was foreign to me. I will remember you as the girl who would generously share the food she prepared in her Home Economics classes with other students. Never forget that you are more than a news story or another statistic. Your legacy will live on in our hearts and minds because you left an indelible impression on us all. I promise to play my part in the fight against femicide in your honor. May you continue to rest easy, in grace and in love.

Yours truly,

Donneil 💕