I Was Sure I Had Hit Rock Bottom So Why The Continual Downwards Spiral

Standing on the side of the road, with everything I owned on the ground beside me, I watched the love of my life drive away, taking my heart and a piece of my soul with him. From this day forward, I would never again be whole, I was officially and everlastingly broken.

If you haven’t read how it was I got to this point in my life, please read this story.

Caught up? Here’s the rest of that story.

After Wesley’s car disappeared from view, I turned and looked at the house in front of me. My father’s house, he lives here with my step mother. Would I be welcome or did I break mine and Wesley’s heart for nothing? Only to be turned away and homeless still.

I carried all my belongings, scant few there were, and walked up the front path to eventually knock on the front door. Thankfully Dad was home. He opened the front door and ushered me in. We sat down in the lounge room and I explained I had nowhere to live. Dad told me I was welcomed to stay. What a huge relief!

I was given the top bunk in my little step sister’s room. Unpacked, which took next to no time and started to think about where to go next. Time to find a job. Time to get my life back on track or at least moving in a forward direction. I was seventeen years of age and felt like my life was over. I thought I had hit rock bottom but oh, no, there was still a way to go!

Life, as it has a habit of doing, powered onwards.

My step mother attempted to put restrictions on me. Was she kidding? I’d been living on my own for years now and she wants to give me a curfew. Oh no she doesn’t. I will live my totally independent life my way.

I started making friends, going out partying, as any seventeen year old is want to do, found employment at Hungry Jacks and started to live life as best as I could.

I would come home after midnight to find myself locked out. Seems my step mother thought she could make me live by her rules. I’d just break in to my bedroom and climb into bed. Oh, you could imagine the fights the next morning. Standing in the kitchen, making breakfast, while listening to my step mother telling me I was a ‘good for nothing slut’. I would do my best to totally ignore her and get on with the day.

I had been working for a couple of weeks and was happy to be earning my own money. It was not good money mind you, a juniors wage, of which I had to pay a considerable amount to my step mother for my accommodation and food.

Woke one morning and my stepmother gleefully told me I’d have to find somewhere else to live. I could stay one more night but then I was out on my arse again. Why? She needed the bed as one of my older sister’s where coming to visit for a few days.

Let me tell you, it is a lot scarier to be homeless in a big city, without the support of my love. That downward spiral just keep on spiralling out of control. Where would I go?

Luckily as I was packing, a friend of my father’s popped over for a visit. He heard about my predicament and offered me a bed, for as long as I needed it, with him and his wife. Thank you universe.

Now you may be wondering about Wesley, was that the end? Yes and no!

When things got really bad, I would ring Wesley and we would talk. He couldn’t ring me as I did not have access to a phone. All my calls were done in a public phone booth and only when I had the money to do it. After all it was a long distance phone call so I was charged by the minute.

Oh, how we missed each other.

Wesley would slip away occasionally, and head on down to the big city for a weekend here and there. He would pick me up, from some agreed upon destination, and we’d book a hotel room, where we would live and love for a few precious days or hours. Not ideal but the best we could do at the time.

This became mine and Wesley’s norm. Occasional phone calls and trysts in a hotel room as often as possible. There was no keeping us totally apart, but there also wasn’t anything better for us in our futures.

Life goes on for both of us, but those occasional hours together, allowed time to stand still. Not for long though.

Over the years, I improved my jobs, earned more money, got a rental place on my own, dated and partied hard.

Over that same time period, Wesley, finished his apprenticeship, earned better money, moved out of home, dated, married and had a son.

But we still had those stolen weekend and hours, when Wesley would slip away and head to the big city for as many hours as he could get away with.

Was it wrong? Probably but we were soul mates and it was impossible for us to stay apart forever. We knew we had no future together, too much water under the bridge, but our love never died.

Then I received that dreaded phone call, the one that told me, my true love had been in an accident and not expected to live. He was in hospital here in the city but try as I might, I could not get in to see him. Immediate family only.

I was so close, yet so far!

I never got in to see him and Wesley grew his wings and left this mortal plane. I was twenty five years old and totally heartbroken. Wesley was twenty six, way too young to grow wings.

Again I ask, was it wrong for Wesley to steal away from his life for a weekend here and there, to spend that time with me? Yes it probably was but I am so thankful I had those times with one of my greatest loves. A love that spanned thirteen years, until he died, but a love that still resides in the very corner of my Soul and will do until I leave this earthly plane.

Thank you for travelling the memory road with me. It’s a journey I try not to travel too often, now that thirty years have passed, although I do drop in for a visit from time to time.

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Originally posted on Medium