I Thought of Kissing You Yesterday

I thought about kissing you today... and yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that. I’m sure you get the idea. I thought about kissing you. At first, it was by accident. I was daydreaming, my thoughts in the wind, swirling around my curls. Then you sat next to me, my best friend in the whole wide world. You weren’t new, you were familiar and warm. I could smell of deeply masculine cologne, barely covering the scent of a woman. Someone who liked Victoria’s Secrect just a little too much. He was just with someone, he left her to come to me. My heart leapt! Wait? My heart leapt? At you? My friend?

Anyways, there I was caught in daydreams, your scent, and your familiar presence had me reaching my arms out to grab your softly chiseled face. Rough with a scruff a little too long, lips soft as I squeeze your cheeks between my hands. I stare into your chocolate brown eyes, bright with green rings and yellow spikes. Your thick eyebrows lift in surprise and I plant a big wet smack of my lips against yours.

I pull back and let go of your face. Though it seems as if your face is frozen in utter shock! I shake my head, you are still just sitting there. Babbling on about some bimbo with blonde hair and a snaggle tooth. I shake my head again. What was that?

“Yeah,” I say trying to pretend I’m listening. “You sure know how to pick them Edward.”I try to roll my eyes, I’m not quite sure I made it. Finally you look at me.

“Are you okay? We’re you even listening? I said I think I LIKE HER. Like, like like, her.” He stares at me with a weird look on his face. Maybe I did kiss him? No, no. It was just a daydream.

“Um... yes I was listening.” I make an awkward “innocent” face. “I mean, you sure know how to pick the right one....?” My voice hits a new octave.

“...Okay. I’ll let this go.” He shakes his head at me. “Anyways, I want you to meet her. You are like a sister to me, and it wouldn’t be right not to introduce you.” He smiled and put a hand on mine. It was rough but warm, soothing.

For whatever reason at the word “sister” a weird ‘pang’ rang through my heart. Like the ultimate friend zone of “sisterhood.” I gulped a little harder than I wanted. “Uh, yeah. Sure. I would love to meet her.” I rearranged my face in what I hoped was a genuine smile.

“Uh, alright weirdo. So, it’s a date tonight? Will you bring Ben, or Bryan? What’s his name?” He gathered him things quickly. Standing up his large frame casting a shadow in the high spring sunshine.

“Ha! Now see who pays attention? His name is Benjamin. And no, we broke it off. Better as friends. Just couldn’t keep the connection up.” I shrugged. It was disappointing but I knew what was best for me.

“Okay, then. That explains the weird mood. Anyways, then we will pick up at 8pm. Cool?” He asks.

“Yeah, sure. What do I need to wear?” I ask. I need to know what level of fancy I have to work at tonight.

“Well you know the rule of no heels, being as we are the same height.” He rolls his eyes at me. We were both average height, 5’8”. But he felt short and I felt tall, so no heels. “I would say dress, or dress suit. Short is fine. It’s 3.5 stars. Good, but manageable.” He eyes me. You’ll do now I guess.

I looked down at my shabby yellow dress and Jesus sandals. Um, no. “I’ll change Edward.” I looked at him.

“Phew, okay.” See you in a few hours. He stocked away, leaving me slightly cold. The sunshine did nothing to warm me. Did I just fall in love with my best friend?

I thought about kissing you today while I was getting ready to be a third wheel. I recurled my frizzing chestnut hair, I did a full face of make up while watching “Jeffree Star Tutorials,” and slid on a blue sparkly dress. Cap sleeves to be modest, knee length, but slim to the body. A favorite of mine.

I slid on some pointed, black velvet flats to complete the ensemble and grabbed my silver wallet clutch. It felt good to get dressed up. Even if was to be ignored by two lovebirds. But back to the kissing.

As I sat there in the mirror applying my makeup and curling my hair, I could see these glimpses of you coming into the bathroom to peek. Me pushing you out with my hip. You grabbing my waist and pulling me to kiss you. I almost burnt my hair on that one.

All these scenarios flashed in and out of my mind. Some making me laugh, some making me want to cry in sweetness, some doing funny little flips in my tummy. I couldn’t stop thinking about kissing you.

I was finished right on time as I heard your old Subaru Outback clunk up my driveway. I didn’t want you to get out so I grabbed my keys and ran to the door. I locked it behind me. I turned and “woah!” There you were a mere inch from my face.

I could feel your breath on my lips. Your nose almost touched mine. And just as quickly, you stepped back. “Jeez, Hope! Slow down will ya!” You yelped!

“Sorry, I didn’t want you to have to get out for me. I was coming.” I explain.

“Just get in the car.” He sighs. But I see it, that spark. That twitch of the lip. There’s a response. My heart skips a little beat.

I just in the rear passenger seat. I plaster on a fake smile and say “Hi, I’m Hope. Nice to meet you! Edward has told me all about you!” And so the small talk begins.

I hear all about their whirlwind romance from one night stand to chance encounter at the cafe in downtown. I hear about the first date and how “Eddy” (he hates being called Eddy) spilled wine on his shirt. The rest of night went back and forth between laughing at some joke that I didn’t understand and snuggling kisses. Made me sick to watch. So I turned my attention to the food and wine.

The check paid and me slightly woozy from a little too much wine, you decide to drop Susie off first. I wonder why you don’t bring her home but I can’t concentrate on that, I’m trying to say goodbye to to Katie. Or was it Susie? No, no, it was Karen. Oh shit. Just say good night. “Good night!” I slurp from the back seat.

Whatever her name is smiles and says “you too!” Kisses Edward hard in the mouth, a possessive kiss, a warning kiss to me. “Night honey, talk to you later.”

Edward smiles as her skinny, boy shaped hips slink away. I would never be her size. I was a plump, Italian woman. Wide hips, thick thighs, slightly round tummy, and a mediocre chest. The only thing that saved me was my ass. Big, rounded, it saved me on multiple occasions. Whatever her name was, was maybe a size two, flat stomach, flat hips, and a flat personality.

The rest of the drive went by in silence. But there was something there, a tension. I couldn’t describe it but it just felt heavy. We pulled up to my driveway but Edward locked the car doors.

“Do you have a problem with me?” He swirled on next, catching me off guard.

“What?” I squeak back, shocked. Was I that open of a book? Could he tell I fell in love with him?

“All night you have staring at me like I was a piece of raw meat and you were a hungry lioness!” He yelled. “It made Katrina very uncomfortable!” He yelled more. I was caught on her name, it was Katrina!! “HELLO!” He bellowed! “Earth to Hope!”

I snapped out of my thoughts. “ All day, you’ve been acting weird! Are you okay?” Edward’s voice has lowered. He was being sensitive now.

“Look Edward, I’m sorry. I just have been having a hard couple of days. I’m sorry. If you want to try again, we can. I was just really off in my own thoughts tonight.” I say sincerely. He obviously needs some reassurance that I’m not crazy.

“Alright. Next week, we will try this again. No weird faces this time.” He quiets himself more. “Good night Hope.” He unlocked the doors and I got out. He waits for me to unlock my door and get in, headlights bright on my legs. I wave at him as he backs away, but his head is looking back, checking for cars.

I thought about kissing you today, and yesterday, and the day before that. I haven’t heard from you since our “triple date” the other day. I miss getting texts from you, your nightly workout routines, your random calls at random times of the day. I think of reaching out but then I think you are mad at me. So I set down my phone for the hundredth time and try not to think about kissing you.

Another day goes by, as does another, as does another. The illicit day dreams and tantalizing thoughts have now drifted into dirty dreams. Dreams of kissing you in your car, in the rain, and on your doorstep. Kissing you on the ear, the cheek, your dimple, your spot. That spot right in the corner of your jaw, where I’m sure I could find a steady beating heartbeat.

My dreams drive me wild all night. My thoughts tease me all day. All I can seem to think about is kissing you. My mind won’t stop.

The day comes, my phone buzzes to life! I see your name! “Hello!” I yell as I scramble to answer the phone. “Edward! It’s so nice to hear from you.”

“Hey” you sound gloomy, I wonder if this is bad news, “you still on for tonight? 8 o’clock?” He asks.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah, Katrina and I have just been fighting a lot. Nothing serious. She said she was coming tonight though. But she will meet us there.” I could hear some anger in your voice. I wonder if it’s at me?

“Okay, yeah. See you in a few hours then.” He hangs up without saying goodbye. I set my phone down. What a change in just a few days. But then I think about kissing your sad, pouty lip until it curls into a smile. I damn myself for being so selfish!

I dress less elegant this time. Slacks, white float blouse, black leather flats. Brown hair straight, make-up minimal, and regular purse. More business, less date-like. I practice my smiles in the mirror. I’m not satisfied with any of them, but I don’t have time to practice more. I hear the rattle of an old Subaru coming closer, so I turn out lights and grab my keys.

This time Edward waits in the car for me. I jump in and smile. Your tan skin stretches into a smile but it doesn’t look genuine. I turn up the music in hopes that my terrible singing will soften you up a little. As we get closer to the restaurant I see you loosen up and smile. You bob your head and sing with me. We laugh and it is good for a few minutes. But still I think of kissing you. Kissing your smile, kissing your hands, kissing your throat.

We arrive and you give your reservation. We sit quietly at the small, 4-seater table. Dark wood, dark lights, we wait for Katrina. I can hear your heel tapping on the wood floor. You check your phone every few seconds. A waitress comes by and asks if we are ready, you are on the phone so I order for you.

You return with a look of rejection on your face. “She dumped me.” You slam your head into the dark table. No tears befall your eyes but you’re clearly upset.

“It’s a good thing I ordered you a beer.” I shrug. My tummy flips in excitement. But also in shame, he is my friend, he just got dumped! And here I am excited!

He lifts his head to look at me. “You ordered for me?” He asked.

“Um, yeah. You get the same thing every time we come here. A Bud Light, in a glass, no ice. With a Swiss mushroom burger and garlic fries with a side of ranch.” I say to him, matter-of-factly.

He stares at me as if I grew a third head, but as soon as he opens his mouth to say something the waitress arrives with our drinks and a free appetizer. Apparently one of the other waitresses overheard Edward getting broken up with. And his thoughts went directly from me to food.

Dinner passed easily with more laughter, old stories of growing up, determining when we actually met. Was in 2nd or 3rd grade? We spoke of awkward moments and the things we went through together.

We kept the car filled with sounds of laughter as we drove back to my house. The first time in days where I didn’t think about your lips and mine. I thought of our time together and how I could never see I was in love with you.

You pull into the driveway and walk me to my door. I put my keys into the lock but your hand grabs my hand. It stops it from turning the door handle. I stop to look at your hand on mine, your thumb rubbing across my knuckles.

“Hope, turn around.” You say.

I slid my hand from yours and turn slowly. Your dark brows are set low over your eyes. The porch light does nothing to illuminate your beautiful eyes. The dark hair on your head shines in the light. We are the same height, but your presence seems to make mine small and dainty. I lick my bottom lip.

“All night you have been looking at me with stars in your eyes. You are the reason Katrina broke up with me. She said you were in love me and could never compete.” I couldn’t see his eyes, but I knew they followed the trail my tongue left on my lip. “Is it true Hope? Are you in love with me?” He breathed a little heavier.

I stalled a moment, I was staring at his Cupid’s bow, trying to figure out if it was a soft as it looked. “Um, I don’t know. I think so.” I breathed back.

His Adam’s Apple bobbed in his throat. “You don’t know!?” He was mad, I could tell. He turned away from me but swirled back quickly. I stepped back but I could go nowhere, my back was against the door.

“I mean, I thought about kissing you today, and the day before that, and the day before that. I think about giving you kisses tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day. I don’t know what the future holds, I cannot ask the stars or talk to the Fates. But what I can tell you is that I only think of kissing you, just you, for the rest of my days.” I said to you, my breath caught in my throat.

I saw your shoulders drop, your eyebrows softened, the creases of your forehead smoothed out flat. You take a deep breath, “Me too.” He sighed.

His lips were then on mine. They were hot and damp, like he had licked them moments before kissing me, his teeth clanked against mine and he pulled back slightly. He tasted like Bud Light and mushrooms. But also like Edward, sweet and fresh and delicious.

His arms wrapped around me, like thick snakes he grabbed me and pulled me tighter to him. His tongue lightly licked at my lips until I relaxed and he let himself in deeper. This kiss was more than I could ever dream it to be. My fingers wrapped around his shoulders and pulled him closer. I didn’t want us separated.

And neither did he.

A year later...

I am holding my dad’s elbow as I walk down the isle to you. You are in a black suit and tie, me in a white gown. No one stands beside you, and no one will stand beside me. We are each other’s best friend, we will stand together.

You take my hand and stand me in front of the priest. We go through the introduction but all I can think about is kissing you. The priest drones on in my ear, the flowers disappeared, the audience melts away. All I can see is your lips; all I can see if falling into you and sealing us together forever.

The priest says that Edward has something to say, we discussed this, no personal vows. Heck, it was you who said it! You wanted to get the ceremony over with as soon as possible! You clear your throat, and look at me with those beautiful eyes thick with tears.

“A year ago you said to me something special, that changed my life forever. I thought about kissing you today, and yesterday, and the day before yesterday. I thought of kissing you tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that. I don’t know what the future holds, I cannot ask the stars or talk to the Fates. But what I can tell you is that I only think of kissing you, just you, for the rest of my days.”