I thought about kissing you today... and yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that. I’m sure you get the idea. I thought about kissing you. At first, it was by accident. I was daydreaming, my thoughts in the wind, swirling around my curls. Then you sat next to me, my best friend in the whole wide world. You weren’t new, you were familiar and warm. I could smell of deeply masculine cologne, barely covering the scent of a woman. Someone who liked Victoria’s Secrect just a little too much. He was just with someone, he left her to come to me. My heart leapt! Wait? My heart leapt? At you? My friend?
I have been single now for 4 years. For about half of those I chose to stay single, needing time to heal and grow from my disaster of a marriage. The other half I have actively looked for someone to start over with. Here is where I want to scream at every guy on the street. Young, old, professional, blue collar, single dads, baby daddies, no kids, alcoholics, or not, it seems as if every man at some point thinks it’s okay to whip out their dick and take a picture.
It began on a warm summer morning, the breeze blowing through our living room window cooled the dark cavern we tried to keep below 90 degrees. Mom was nine months pregnant with my sister and I was so in love with her. I spent every moment I could with my little head pressed against mom’s bulging belly, listening to my sister swish and swirl. Her feet pushed again my tiny ear and cheek as she grew too big for her surroundings. Even though my mom was visibly uncomfortable, she never told me to leave. She would brush my long brunette curls with her fingers gently down my back as I laid there.
Serena is laughing beside me on the couch, her silky hair brushes my shoulder. I am envious of her hair, all silver blonde curls, and no sign of split ends, or of it not behaving as it should. My hair is long gone now, as are my eyebrows, and my eye lashes. Chemotherapy took those away months ago, and every chance my hair had to grow back, chemo took it away again.
Valentine's Day is a day most people find the most difficult. But I find it is the day to be the most beautiful, full of love and hope. It's a day celebrating love in all stages! Whether you have a Valentine or not, it's a day to spread love!
When I got married a year and six months ago, I never thought I would get divorced. When I said "I do" the words "I don't" never crossed my mind. In my personal situation, it was unexpected when the time came to say goodbye. However, divorce is devastating. No matter the length of the marriage, no matter if no have children or you don't, and no matter if you know the best thing is to leave, divorce is devastating for everyone involved. Especially for you.