I Once Thought Bill Maher Was Funny

Back in the late 1990s when I was trying hard to work as an actor, the advice pretty universally seemed to be, “if you can do ANYTHING else, do it. Because this is hard. It often sucks. And few of us ever make any money.” They usually went on to say, “but if it’s all you can see yourself doing, keep going.”

Why? Because the business of show is exhausting, often dehumanizing, and seldom pays the bills. You need a thick skin to go to audition after audition where you’re more likely to be turned down than book the gig. It’s hard. That’s why so many of us have a day job and do community theater nights and weekends. There’s a satisfying way to work at your craft and also own a car. Or have vegetables on your table.

Is being trans a bit like breaking into show business? A little. Except there is no workable compromise when it comes to being pleasingly trans. Many of us have tried. Stealing away moments here and there to feel normal doesn’t really cut it. Many of us try everything to find some peace within that doesn’t cause us chaos and turmoil without. We never come to this trans business lightly, and anyone saying otherwise has an agenda, and maybe gets a paycheck, for claiming to know us better than we know ourselves.

It really seems to cause indigestion for some that trans kids are ever listened to and supported. I especially love folks who’ve never even had kids assuming they know better about child-rearing than those who do.

Childless Bill Maher spewing nonsense about trans being “trendy” is so condescendingly inaccurate it makes me sick. Looking at a minority of trans kids fortunate enough to have support from their families, this very rich old white cis man concludes (while invoking the word science) that there’s a trans bandwagon rolling through LA and kids can’t possibly resist jumping on because it’s all so much FUN!

I have to assume Maher is way too busy to send one of his many staffers to check out the streets, the shelters, foster care, the hospitals, …the morgues. There’s where the fun really shines, Bill. We’re extra “trendy” in those places. And why, Bill, would young people even risk enduring these too-frequent consequences of honesty -at the hand of those entrusted with their care- for a trend?

You seem to have mistaken our joy for a choice. The point is, that our only choice is between authenticity and hiding. Pretending for your sake, not ours. Navigating the world as we are told we are when everything within us tells us otherwise.

Bill, I have to assume you’ve always felt congruence between the identity assigned to you at birth, the way you came to know your own personhood, and the body you inhabit — and most importantly, the ways society told you to behave, and what you might expect, made complete sense for you. I guess you get to call that common sense. You’ve honestly never had to think much about any of it, have you Bill? Good for you. And you got filthy rich, besides!

I get that as someone desperately trying to still seem edgy, (when you’re actually obscenely wealthy and far out of touch) trans folks are an easy, dare I say trendy, topic. You could avoid that trend, Bill. Or, OR, you could just keep us out your mouth entirely. Stay in your own lane, and leave us the fuck alone. Punching down isn’t funny anymore, Bill. You’re the one who saw a bandwagon and jumped on it, Bill. Not us.

There is an entire spectrum of gender identity, Bill. And yes, it’s easier to explore it in LA (especially with wealthy supportive parents) than it is in Ohio. Or Texas. Or any of the red and purple states these days. You know the picture, you just think we’re an easy mark for your “humor.” Fuck you, Bill.

I use the professional acting analogy only because I’m always struggling for an analogy cis folks might “get.” Of course, many of them are intentionally ignorant, and there’s no analogy good enough for them. Because to them, trans folk are inhuman. Deranged. Deluded. And yet we’re somehow recruiting large numbers into the absolute joy that is being trans in America? Or something.

Our JOY is real. It is a joy that comes with authenticity, BIll. It’s hard-won, Bill. Most of us first take the circuitous routes through all your straight mishegas. We often explore all the things all of you tell us about being trans to come to the place, exhausted, where we just need to be trans (because we ARE) and get on with it. Uphill, thanks to folks like you who make our lives a little harder for the sake of your punchline. Thanks, Bill.

I suppose if the casual cis onlooker sees glamour, fun, and excitement that’s too delicious to avoid, we’re doing trans right. We’re transing everyone we meet! (That’s not how any of this works, and Bill, a longtime friend of Ann Coulter, knows it.) But why would he spare us such easy humiliation when it hangs so low on the tree just begging to be picked? Cheap Jokes are what we are to him. How refreshingly original. Because he’s just kidding. Or something.

There was a time long ago that I thought Maher spoke with a certain clarity. I’ve learned too much since then to still believe it. I’m ashamed I ever thought his words had any value. Even if they once did, and that’s prolly inaccurate, he’s now just one more wealthy comedian spewing hate for laughs. He and Chapelle should tour with Gervais. Maybe John Mulaney, too, at this point.

I love to laugh. But only when we are laughing together. I hang my head for every time I had a laugh at the expense of another human just trying to survive. Cheap comedy is just that -cheap. And the angry white dude humor lost its luster a long time ago.

The thing is, each of the MEN I mention above has a certain brilliance when they stay in their own fucking lanes. Have a go at entitled wealthy white men with hair plugs, Bill. Have a go at wealthy British men with bad teeth, Ricky. And Dave, stick to what you ONCE knew and keep sharply commenting on the racism you once endured in America. You’re wealthy enough now to avoid seeing that shit firsthand, and you fucking know it.

And John…you’ve made a career outta mocking your own bad judgment, maybe just don’t take the rest of us there when honoring an ignorant transphobe, unannounced and without a warning label?

Comedy is hard.

If the rights of trans people, and their families were settled law across this nation, and the fear-mongers and the haters all took a giant seat, and none of us were being murdered for who we are, EVEN THEN, I’d tell you to stay in your own goddamn lane. But I wouldn’t be saying it from quite so far down your ladders, boys.

But the truth of it all, right now, is ugly and scary and could wind up in the hands of a Supreme Court DESIGNED to take away civil rights, not protect them. Work that shit into your routine, Bill. You can’t, because it isn’t a bit fucking funny. It’s tragic. And you are no ally if you can spew this “trendy” horseshit and still look in a mirror.

Yes. Many of us have come to love and even celebrate being trans. More of us are doing more joyful living and far less apologizing, and for some odd reason our joy -any joy we experience- is your fodder. Diminishing us and demeaning us and questioning our very existence is good for a laugh, and fuck me if I can’t take a joke, right?

Know what all these formerly funny dudes have in common? Their WEALTH. Certainly not their humanity.

And if we can learn anything from these “comedians” intent on punching down for cheap laughs, it’s that money makes you way outta touch with the people who got you that money in the first place.

I’m not laughing, Bill. Because you aren’t funny. You’re a bully. Along with the rest of these man-babies.

Y’all seem to have forgotten the time when you didn’t fit in. The time when y’all were broke, and comedy saved you. That time when you were truly grateful for any audience at all that gave you a place to finally fit in. That time when you understood, at least a little, what the margins feel like.

Now, it seems there’s a whole lotta money between your past humanity and what you’ll say for a laugh.

But hey, you got yours, right? All of you, go count your money and leave trans people alone.

Peace, Lovelies

-MM

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