I Lent Some Money to a Friend and I Lost Both — the Money and the Friend

Don't ever lend money to your friend. It's dangerous.

In 2017, a close friend of mine asked me to lend him some money. He was a good friend so far, and we knew each other for almost 06 years. At that time, he was staying abroad and needed the money for his family at home. So, he asked me to send the money to his relative's bank account.

I sent the money to the account number he gave me. And after depositing the money, I sent him the receipt as well. He promised to give the money back in the next month. I was okay with that.

But it has been almost 04 years, and surprisingly, the-next-month is yet to come.

The Next Month Theory

In the next month, I sent him a text message about whether he could repay me now. He deliberately made the inbox unseen. Then after a few days, he replied that he was having some financial trouble. So, it would take some more time. He said his business was not doing well.

I asked directly about how much time it would take as I needed a specific timeline. My friend promised me that in the first week of next month I would get the money, no matter what.

I understood his situation. But I got irritated - not because of the money but because he failed to keep his promise and didn't even bother to tell me beforehand.

Anyway, it took a few months to finally understand 'the next month' theory of him.

The Next Month and a Few Months After That

Again in the next month, I was not getting any response from my friend. So, in the second week of that month, I sent him a message like the following -

Hey, man!

Can you pay me back the money you've borrowed? I really needed that now.

Though I saw him being active on Facebook the whole time, he replied a few days later. He was uploading photos, posting new status, but somehow, he had no time to answer my text.

Anyway, after a few days, he said -

Mamun, I am sorry, but things are not going well here. I am trying my best.

I have taken a new job here. I am sure that I can send you the money when I get my salary next month.

It is to mention that after lending him the money, we talked very little about other things. When I knocked, he showed that he was busy with other things. I felt like the money created an invisible wall between him and me.

Anyway, in the following month, when I got no response from him, I decided to wait and see how many days it take him to respond.

To my surprise, a few months went by, and I heard nothing from him at all. I saw from his FB feed that he was having fun with friends, traveling to new places, eating in different restaurants, and all. But somehow, he was reluctant to give my money back.

A few more months passed, and I kept waiting. At one point, I started to feel that I made a mistake by lending the money.

I Felt Like a Beggar

Eight months later, I needed some urgent money. So, I sent my friend a message saying -

It has already been eight months since you have taken the money, and it's not that huge amount that you couldn't repay.

Look, I need my money back within this week. It's urgent.

He had seen the message. But no reply. A week went by, but he didn't even bother to reply to me anything. Yes - No - Nothing.

That moment, I began to feel like I am a beggar asking a favor from someone I don't know. Finally, I decided to forget it with deliberate effort. And I realized that I lost both - the money and the friend.

In 2019, I Made the Same Mistake Again

Another friend of mine came to my office to meet me. While having lunch, he said he had some money short to get his new bike. He told me to lend him the money urgently.

Before lending him the money, I told him about my previous bad experience. But he assured me that nothing like that would happen. The next day, he came to my office again, and I gave him some money and reminded him of saying -

'I hope this money will not destroy our friendship.' 

He smiled and said, 'Hey, don't even worry about that.'

After that, more than one year has passed, but I haven't got the money yet. I called him three times and got three different excuses. So, finally, I gave up.

And the same way as before - I lost my money and my friend.

It's Not the Money, It's the Commitment That Matters

In both cases, I didn't lend too much money. So, it didn't get me into much trouble financially. But mentally, I felt devastated. I lost two amazing friends just because of money.

When someone fails to make the promise and doesn't provide any valid reasons - it hurts. I am not a saint. I get angry when someone breaks commitments. And I feel irritated when someone doesn't even care about it.

Those two friends of mine are great, no doubt. One of them is a good writer, and the other one works as an assistant director in drama and short films. But they have already lost me - and I lost them as well.

If both of them get the highest prizes in their fields tomorrow, it will not make any change. To me - they will remain as the two untrustworthy men till their death. And I will never accept them as friends.

This Is What You Should Do When You Borrow Money From Your Near Ones

If you are a person who prefers to borrow money from your friends or near ones, you must remember the following. Because you may think that he/she is your friend and will not mind if you repay the money late, but that's may not be the case.

➰ Remember, money is a sensitive issue.

➰ If you have no option but to borrow money from your near ones, let them know when exactly you are going to repay the money. 

➰ Try to repay the money even before the date you promised. It will increase the trust between you and your friend.

➰ If you think that you will struggle to repay the loan on time, let him/her know that immediately. I am repeating it - tell him/her as soon as possible. 

➰ Never think that he/she has enough money, and it doesn't matter whether you repay the loan on time or not. Remember, everyone has their plans with money - and it is none of your business. 

➰ Finally, if you cannot repay the money on time, you are the one who should be ashamed of - not your friend who lend you the money.

I prefer to borrow money from banks(if needed) rather than friends or near ones. Because from my experiences, I learned that money can make a relationship bitter in no time.

Try Not to Lend Money to Your Friend

Believe it or not - people love to break promises and make lame excuses for that. I have seen it many a time from my experiences. Of course, I have some good experiences where I got back my money on time. But I have tons of bad experiences as well. And when you lend money to your friends or near ones, your relationship with them will likely worsen in no time.

When my friends tell me to give them some money as a loan, I used to think that - okay, they are my friends, and I must help them in their need. Otherwise, what's the point of being a friend?

I know many of you think the same way and then lend money to your friends. But when it is their turn to pay the money back, they may have different thoughts like this - 'I borrowed money from my friend. What's the big deal! I will repay him but not now, maybe in the next month.'

Then the-next-month theory starts, and it never ends until it breaks the relationship between you.

So, if you have a good intention to help your friend financially, show them the bank from where they can borrow money, or give them the money forever. Either way, your friendship will remain intact.

Otherwise, you will risk losing the money and the friend for sure.

To Conclude

Keeping your promise makes you trustworthy. And when the commitment is related to money - you cannot take it lightly. But that's what our friends do when we lend them money in their need.

So, think a hundred times before lending your money to your friends. I know it sounds cruel, but trust me, I learned this the hard way.

Remember, money is a great tool to make or break any relationship. So, make your choice wisely.

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Thank you for reading.

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*The story was originally published on Medium (link)