I Have Angels in My Life

I have always believed in a spiritual realm, a place where those from our heavenly home reach out to us in one way or another. Through my sixty decades on Earth, I have met a few of them. No, let me say it this way, I have UNDENIABLY encountered a presence, a spirit and angel, a more than helpful essence in my moments of greatest fear or need or sadness and even in moments of great overwhelming joy and happiness. They have been invisible, and they have been in human and animal form.

Wow, that sounded extremely bipolar!--which I am not, or at least have not been diagnosed to be, yet! lol

I was born into a Roman Catholic family, attended a Roman Catholic school run by Felician nuns. Just surviving my one to fourth grade experience there is now proof enough to me of the presence of God! If a person comes out of that experience with mind, soul and spirit in tact, one has survived at least half the battle that living life is going to give them! It was during these grade school years, I began to experience a joy and extreme happiness in seeing and experiencing simple things: Queen Anne's Lace, pussy willows and cattails growing along a creek. In the clear, cold water, I could see, fish, tadpoles and frogs and they amazed me and made me laugh at their ways of moving, eating, living. The dragon flies flitting flower to flower, their bead strung bodies sparkling green, blue, red or gray as they floated on near transparent wings. My mind captured these pictures of grace, in my vivid memories, and I clung to them as my own private, precious treasures. I would lay in bed at night, paging through the beauty I had seen that day and other days. I wanted to talk to someone and share those things, but I had not heard anyone speak about things like that. I kept them to myself fearing their magic would disappear if I mentioned them out loud to another.

My family was not poor, but they were not wealthy either. We had a few toys, a Barbie and a doll dressed as a nun. I'm sure there is meaning in that somewhere. We spent the day either in school, helping with chores, reading library books, drawing, entertaining ourselves. Both my parents were very busy, worked and were tired. I had brothers and sisters, all doing their own expected things, but I never felt totally alone, even when totally alone. There was always something to do, even it if was just observing the world around me. Nature was constantly changing and provided a bountiful world size warehouse of entertaining displays of breathtaking beauty. There were no computer games, internet, cell phones. Though television was emerging, we mostly entertained ourselves with what was around us. For me, nature was a constant giving source.

The sparrows in winter left their marks in the snow with beak broken berries and split seed shells laying in their footprints, betraying their earlier presence. The red cardinals whistled their songs to me and boasted "here, here, look at me, look at me! I'm sitting on this snowy branch so you can see my crimson red plumes!" The robins in spring, hopped their orange bellies across the green grass or sat on a tree limb singing, "It's morning, it's spring time, it's morning, a brand new day!" In the evening, their chirps slowed as they bid everyone and each other a "good night, good night, sun is setting, time to rest!" Flocks of blackbirds would wing over our house, each and every night, like they knew the exact time, heading to the tiny wood nearby. I wondered, "Are you the same group that flew by yesterday?" In fall the silver geese would wing their v-parade low, honking their departure with the arrival of fall. All these things amazed and awed me as a child. All these things amaze and awe me as an adult---still! All these things came and with an inexplicable jump in my heart and deep in my soul, telling me that undoubtedly, there was something or someone, much bigger, benevolent, breathtaking, astonishing and astounding and communicative without words above and beyond all of this.

It wasn't until later in life, that I realized that there were certain people who could have the same affect on me. They could be people I had known and seen everyday, or they could be a complete stranger. The significant thing was that they "arrived" at a time when I needed them the most. They "arrived" at a time of great, deep felt sentiment and emotion, sent up in a plea or thanks or confusion accompanied by a great willingness to resolve, share and let go. It usually came, spontaneously and went out of me with energy but without words because there were no words to express what was being felt. The relief, answer, reply, resolution would come in similar ways, suddenly without warning, without words, like a huge warm, fleece blanket surrounding with care and love.

There is one story I must relate where the reply was so unmistakenably an answer, a conformation of what I already knew, but feared. It was loud and clear like a blast from a shofar, that it overflowed a sweet loving cup and makes me smile not only with my face, but with my entire being when I look at it on the shelf of life.

I was living with a man who I came to know over six years via the internet. He seemed kind, concerned, caring and safe. Eventually, I thought my circumstances pointed for me to move across the country to join him. We had two glorious years of sightseeing experiencing a new area 0f the country. I was teaching about 15 years, had been a bit overweight all of my life and my hips began to fail. That did not seem to matter, and he reassured me that he would be there to take care of me and continue the life we had.

However, things took an ugly turn the day he came home and announced that he was polygamous and was going to bring in "another girl" to live with us and "enhance" our lives. Inspite of my objections, he asked me to to give this lifestyle a try. Despite all in me that shouted foul play, I agreed and tried with all my heart and being to make this work. It takes two, er, ah, three to tango. She was selfish, narcisstic, all attention seeking, jealous, lazy a liar and a thief. She did not like the situation any more than I did. She referred to herself as "the other woman". She made up lies about me harassing her, only to do those things to me. Her family was rich and generous and both took advantage of this. I had let myself be manipulated into handing over my income, only to find myself left alone in an isolated house on a levee with no way to escape in a wheelchair even if there had been a fire or other disaster. I was doomed and diminished.

My only outlet was to see keep my doctors' appointments. These appointments are what eventually brought angels into my life and saved my me. I met a young, sensitive, kind female physician's assistant who instead of asking me how I was physically, asked how things were going at home. I burst into tears. It didn't take much to figure out, that I was not doing well.

It spilled out of me, the living situation, missing my two grown children so deeply like they had been cut out of me with a jagged knife and who were not welcome to visit, the depression that was consuming me like being lost on a moonless night on a lake. They, the roommates, had told me that I would never teach again, never drive again and never walk again. My life was over and there it lay in tears on the patient examination room floor. She actively listened and told me that it was time for a change. It seemed hopeless. I felt helpless, trapped. The very people who I needed to separate from where waiting to intercept me in the waiting room. It was obvious the PA was not going to do this for me. I had to do extradite myself. I continued to see her for my health and mental health. She sent me to see a social worker who introduced me to resources.

One referral was a referral to a physical therapist who would help me become more mobile. I laughed when I heard the name of the business for whom he worked, as it was the name of another such angel I had met earlier in my life; but that angel's work is another story for another day.

This physical therapy angel, was much to my surprise, very young, a male and totally direct. "Why are you here?" he asked. I said, "I want to walk again," then quickly changed my mind. "No, no, that's not right," I said. He was looking at my chart, pen in hand. He looked up at me, directly into my eyes, actively listening. There was a sparkling mixture of whim and Holy Light in his eyes, of a candle that could never be extinguished. My entire being filled with that unmistakeable warmth, comfort and happiness. I was in the presence of someone special, someone sent....the someone I knew and would call an angel. I blurted out, "Actually, I don't just want to walk again, I want to dance like Bruno Mars!!" His jaw dropped but quickly closed, his hand belately covering his open mouth. His smile was from Yahovah himself. It beamed across the room and struck me like lightening, filled my being with a hope I hadn't felt in a long, long, long time! He was writing, writing THAT in my chart, my "permanent" record so to speak! What had a I done, what had a I said!!?? Was it out loud? He laughed, and said, "I'm going to hold you to that! I'm writing it right here in your chart." Again, that smile, that reassurance that a beyond the Earth, a heavenly presence had pulled me closer.

I would be blessed with seeing that piece of heaven for several month's to come as he guided my return to walking in the therapy pool. Each time he would smile or laugh, I swear it was like looking through the clouds into His face. It was uplifting, it was beyond Earthly. How special those days were in the sparkling pool, walking. Yes, i was walking, walking IN water, not ON water, but walking. His words of simple encouragement pushing me to walk again, build muscle and walk again. I had always been a sedentary person and now, I wanted to work, walk, excercise. What the hell? I asked myself. What the heaven!, was the reply. That transformation was a miracle in itself, let alone what was to come next. He had a tat on his arm, that has become my mantra (in addition to "carpe diem" seize the day) The tat reads: "BE THE STORM". Keep the calm of the eye of the hurricane, but BE THE STORM".

In our pool conversations he told me that I was responsive enough to safely drive. I could drive again!!! Oh my God! He asked who had told me I could not. I had missed several appointments because my rommates could not, would not take me and there was no public transportation from the house to the therapy office. He asked me why I was not teaching? I explained the pain, the pain medication and the liability. He turned, matter of factly, and asked, "what about teaching online??!" Oh DOH! I replied with the fervor of my Uncle Homer. I hadn't thought about it. I was beginning to walk again. I could drive, again. I could teach, again. This angel was giving me my life back.

The conversations went on, and he lifted the scales off my eyes. We came to the point where he said, "You must get out of there!" and explained about toxic people and situations. He was clear and plain about it. It was plain and clear to me what I had to do. I began to look for places for me to move He also came up with vacancies and major resources, in the midst of an impossible housing crisis, that made the move a reality. One resource in particular was huge, major and sealed the move. He had found a resource which would allow me to pay the security deposit. Without that, I would not have been able to move.

I found a place, but ironically, its location would no longer permit me to continue therapy with this God send because of the insurance location restrictions. I would lose regular contact with my link to heaven. I hated it, but I had to do it. Many signs and signals told me, the place I found would be the right thing to do. The place had a pool where I could continue building muscle in my hips in the pool, but I would be on my own. I continued to walk in water until, the Earth shifted and once, again, the heavens would change my life. That, too, is a story, for another day.

I continue to work on walking, teaching online, driving in the midst of the Covid pandemic. The progress is slowed, but the motivation is very alive and fueled by the extreme happiness still felt. I remain in contact with my angel, though not as often as I'd like. It is understandable, you know. Someone, like he, who is a conduit for messages from elsewhere, is, well, busy, living his life, touching the lives and souls of others. I blessed, truly blessed, not a cliche of words, but heavenly blessed for having him in my life.

I'd be remiss to leave out one detail. A detail that underlined, bolded and highlighted this presence from heaven embodied in an energetic, animated, kind, generous, active listener and conveyor of message and unconditional love, a life saver. Though I cannot tell you this person's entire identity, I find it amazing that his first name is Angelo....angel....for sure, for certain. May the heavens forever communicate through you, your work, your words and your smile. And...though, it seems meager, thank you, from my soul to yours.