I Finally Saw My Ex

This wasn’t something I thought would be happening so soon (or ever) because it had been such a rough break up for me. I genuinely believed I’d never see him again and I honestly thought I’d still be crying over the breakup to this day.

I also wasn’t even sure we’d be in each other’s lives after the first few months of breaking up. But, to my surprise, we are still very much a part of each other’s lives and we’re both quite happy with where life has taken us.

So, after ten months of not seeing my ex, but being in contact throughout that time, we finally decided to catch up with each other face to face.

I was excited to see him and surprisingly wasn’t nervous until five minutes before the meetup. Usually, I’m a nervous wreck a few days before seeing someone but this situation had me feeling a little more excited than anything else.

Ten months may sound like a long time, and it is, but the moment I saw him it honestly felt like it had only been a few weeks. It felt right.Though I’m not a big believer in relying on time to heal all wounds, I do find myself being amazed by what time can do to help with the pain.

However, time did nothing to diminish the excitement I felt being around him again.

And if I had the chance now, I would sit and talk with him for hours, just the two of us.

It’s strange to have a connection with someone you’re no longer with. And it’s the type of connection I’ve never experienced with anyone else before. Now I’m left wondering if it’s all in my head or does he feel it too? And if it is real should I do anything about it?

I’m not sure if he feels the same way. I didn’t want to ask because he felt a little closed off. And even though I love it when people open up and let me know every little detail of how they feel, why they might feel that way and any other secret they may have, it just didn’t feel right to pry that day. I also felt uncomfortable about opening up, it just wasn’t the right time to do it.

Will it ever be?

While we were hanging out, I found myself missing our life together. But looking back at how I used to be in the relationship I’d never want to relive that past. I was toxic, unstable and put him through a lot.Thankfully I’ve changed in some ways, and though I regret the way I used to be in the relationship it taught me a valuable lesson — even the most patient person will reach their limit if you don’t ever put effort into bettering yourself.

But I do wonder if being in a relationship would resurrect my toxic self from her grave?

Sort of like a relapse.

That’s a thought that makes me shudder, especially because I have spent months working on my issues in order to become a better person.

I was also very afraid that when I saw him again bitterness and resentment would accompany me. Luckily any anger I felt towards him had subsided. In all honesty, there was nothing to ever be angry about, I just couldn’t handle being dumped at the time and I thought the sting of rejection would never leave me. But it has and things are better than ever thanks to everything that happened.

And though I’m not in love with him anymore, but admittedly there are still romantic feelings that are lingering, I have love for him.