I don't make friends easily

I don’t make friends easily.

I should probably qualify that statement. I think I know a fair few people in this world. Because I’ve worked and lived in many places, I know people from different walks of life, cultures, religions, and political affiliations. But the process of making friends, genuine friends, is really challenging for me.

I’m an introvert, so that's my first challenge. Being able to walk up to someone new and say “Hi” is actually a draining experience for me. I really admire some of my friends who can walk into a room of total strangers and be chatting to them within five minutes. I can meet people, and over the years, I have taught myself how to engage with people, but it’s still a struggle for me.

The other thing is that my friends need to not only be genuine people but also get my special brand of weird. I accepted a long time ago that I’m a little bit off-centre, not in a keeping dismembered bodies in my basement kind of way, but just in the way I see things. My friends get that, understand that, and genuinely like me for that. It’s that comforting part of friendship.

When I do meet genuine people who like me for me, and that I like, I’m annoyingly loyal. You don’t have to like them, but you don’t talk crap about them to me. If they need me, I’ll be there in a heartbeat, and if they message I will almost always text back immediately. I have learned over the years that just because I am like that doesn’t mean my friends will be. It doesn’t mean that they love me any less; they just aren’t as full-on as I am. They still think about me, and if the chips are down, they will be there, but they also have their lives to live. And some of them are just generally hopeless at communicating or time management.

But let me tell you just how blessed I am to have some of the most amazing friends on the planet. Talk about having people who have your back. They will drop everything when you ring and say your Dad has died and drive 3 hours just to check up on you. Or they will buy you a special bottle of Tasmanian whisky just because they know you’d like it (only for me to be disheartened when I find out you can’t buy that whisky anymore – it was a spectacular whisky). Sometimes it’s when they make a joke at my expense to lift me out of a crap mood.

So, I guess that’s another reason I don’t make friends easily: anyone I meet must measure up to an already high standard. I remember when a girlfriend started meeting members of my friendship group, she would repeatedly say things like, “Oh wow, they are so nice.” I thought this was odd because, as I said to her, “Why would I be friends with crap people?”

Now, why am I telling you how hard it is for me to make friends? Because a year ago, I moved to a spot where I’m living in absolute paradise. Work is a bit crap, but I’ll survive, especially if I get to keep living here. But what makes it a lot less fun is that I miss my friends. I miss catching up with them for lunch to vent about my boss. I really miss grabbing a whisky after work, and I miss those days when I could drop them off at work or pick them up after work and could just enjoy a 45-minute catch-up.

We still talk on occasion, or exchange Wordle scores, or send memes, but I still miss them. And I know I can make new friends here, but a big part of me doesn’t want to. I know it's natural to miss people, it just sucks sometimes.

Anyway, I just thought I’d write that down.

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