I Am Not Interested & Don't Feel Bad

by Jess Fern 4 months ago in advice

J-Spot Original

I Am Not Interested & Don't Feel Bad

I’m going to give it to you straight. People gravitate toward the things they feel are out of their reach. It is human nature to want what you can’t have. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you will be able to not GAF about rejecting someone. I am SO guilty of it. I want what I can’t have—I totally love the thrill of the chase, but the real victory to me is if they want to stick around after getting to know me (LOL shockingly enough, some people don’t like women who speak their mind).

Having people desperately hit on you can be obnoxious AF. I, personally, reject people I am not interested in on the reg and I do not feel bad about it. People make the idea of curving sound so difficult, and TBH, it isn't as bad as you might think.

Here is where someone with sports knowledge would compare curving people to a sick curveball in baseball: I am not that person, sorry babes.

First off, you gotta be straightforward.

I know people have this innate desire to be liked. However, with a stage-five-clinger, you have to be more straight up than a shot of Jameson. One of the biggest mistakes I see is giving a timeframe when denying someone. “I’m not looking for anything right now.” BOOM. Right there. That rejection still gave the person shooting their shot a glimmer of hope that maybe in two weeks or two months, you’ll be open to courting from said person being rejected. Trust me, they notice. And they will hold onto that until the Earth implodes (explodes? Idk whatever you think global warming is going to do). You already know you don’t want them... let's not give them that falsified hope.

Do not feel obligated if you have hooked up before.

I think of Meredith on Grey's Anatomy, *SPOILER ALERT* she had sex with George (RIP) because she felt like it was a good idea at the time, but you know what? She felt bad AF about it and never did clapped cheeks with him again. Sometimes past luvers think its chill to be deep in your DMs just because they were once deep in… well you know where I’m going with that. It is not chill LOL. At all. Listen, just because you and this person did the hibity-dibity in the past, does not mean you need to do the McNasty again. It happened, and that’s the way the cookie crumbles. You went to Six Flags once, does that mean you have a lifetime pass? Nah—GTFO. Next.

Just say "no."

It is so much easier than you think. You do not owe anyone an explanation. Not one. If I say “no” that does not open the door for you to make me justify that answer. Don’t ask me “why not” because my answer will always be: BECAUSE NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS—THAT’S WHY. Saying "nah" is critical for people who just don’t get the hint if you've already tried leaving them on read.

Disclaimer: You will get a wide range of emotions from your reject-ees. I cannot tell you the number of times I have said, "I am not interested. But thank you and I wish you the best in your search!" I get some mean responses to that and I get some nice responses. They may call you a tease, or other "colorful" names, or they may actually be happy you were honest—just be prepared for any and all reactions.

If you are not interested in someone, you should be as subtle as a flying brick.

AKA sometimes people don’t get the hint and you need to put your b*tchy britches on by telling them to leave you TF alone.

Feeling guilty should be absent from your mind because, quite frankly, Dennis in the DMs will get over it faster if you tell him you don’t want him. Worse case scenario: Hit the dude with a big-ole BLOCK. The only thing they can do at that point to communicate with you is to find you on LinkedIn.

How does it work?
Read next: 'Chocolate Kisses'
Jess Fern

Single twenty-something year old Leo, with big Leo energy. I talk about the raw-uncut, truth. ​Strong believer that if Cinderella opted for the non-slick glass slippers, she would have saved herself a lot of trouble. Enjoy, babes. xoxo. 

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