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I Am Enough

A true story of a truly powerful relationship

By Miranda Kukavica-WilsonPublished 4 years ago 6 min read
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It’s Monday morning on one of the coldest days of the winter, and I’m sitting at my kitchen table drinking my coffee writing this post.

I’m happy. I’m where I want to be. But it wasn’t easy getting here.

Flash back to 3 years ago, I truly thought I was where I wanted to be. WELL NEWSFLASH! I wasn’t.

I had been in this relationship for a few years now and I really thought he was the one I was going to spend the rest of my life with. But I couldn’t have been more wrong!

We met in the small town that I grew up in and we just clicked. Probably because we were into the same sort of stuff and our families grew up together.

He was older than me and would pick me up and tour around our back roads in our free time. We talked and got to know each other during this time and over the years we just became so comfortable with each other. We were in love.

I thought.

Looking back at it now years later, I was brainwashed. He had me so wrapped around his finger it wasn’t even funny. But of course I didn’t see it, I was warned hundreds of times but I didn’t listen because, I didn’t see it.

When we were together it was perfect, we were happy. But when we were apart, it was complete hell!

I wouldn’t hear from him for hours at a time, I never knew where he was, and he was so secretive . But I had grown to believe that was normal, because that’s all I had ever known with him.

During our one year anniversary, he bought me a promise ring. To me this meant he was committed, to me, and to us. This is exactly where it all turned.

He now trusted me with his phone when he was drunk… dummy.

I found messages with all these other girls with him saying all these things that a girlfriend just does not want to see.

It destroyed me. My heart completely shattered.

So I confronted him about it, and of course he lead me to believe that it was okay, and he would never do it again.

He had a way with words, he was really good at turning things around to make me feel that it was either okay, or that it was my fault. It played games with my head, he was manipulative. He drove everyone closed to me, away from me, and turned all my friends against me. At one point, he even turned me against my family because they caught on to what he was doing and how he was treating me. But I couldn’t see it, I stayed with him.

This went on for a long long time. This situation repeated over and over during the 3 and a half years we were together. Little things would happen, like fights between us, or my family and his family. We would fight over his cheating and me finding out, me wanting to move away for college. He was spoiled and guess what.. it always seemed to end up being my fault.

These years really played games with my mind. He was never physically abusive to me, just verbally. He would follow me around when I drove places, hacked into my social media accounts to read my messages and became insanely close with every single person in my life.

But still I didn’t see it.

It was a big deal when I decided to move away for collage, to start my future. This is where I finally ended things.

I asked and begged for him to come with me because I was terrified to go on my own. But he was stubborn and would not move with me. So this is where I built up my strength and courage to leave him.

Yes it was hard, living is a big city alone at 18 3 hours away from my family. So I did still stay in contact with him because I thought that that’s what I needed, and it was comforting.

He stilled tried to control me, even with me being so far away from him.

One day I woke up and completely broke it off, I blocked his number and social media. But he still tried to be in my life. He’d send flowers to my apartment, notes, and visit my family all the time just to hear updates on what I was doing. This went on for so long! But I just ignored it and didn’t let it bother me. I was scared to go back home to visit because I didn’t know where he was or what he would do. When I would go home to visit my family, I wouldn’t go out, I wouldn’t go to any parties, I just stayed at home.

I tried to move on, I went to clubs and made new friends. I even tried seeing other people. But I was scared, I couldn’t fully move on and commit to someone else because of how broken and terrified I was.

Flash forward to about 3 years later, I finally met someone who protected me, made me feel comfortable and safe, and loves me for who I am.

I didn’t believe it at first because this man was so built into me that I wasn’t seeing clearly, all I could see was that I was very very scared. Was I always going to be cheated on? Would I always be the problem? Was it always going to be my fault? Would I always not be good enough? Did I deserve this?

“NO! NO! NO! You are good enough, you do deserve this. You should never of had to go though what you did.”

I’ve had to remind myself this everyday for the longest time. When I would be treated so well, I felt bad. As if it was too good to be true. But no, this is how every single woman on this earth should be treated, and I know that now.

Now, I am happy. I am where I’m supposed to be.

I now have an amazing man who would give me the absolute world if he could. He would bend over backwards just to give me what I want, and what I deserve.

This is how love should be. Don’t settle for anything less until you have what you truly deserve.

I hope you take something from my story, and I hope this helps someone who’s going through what I went through. I want to save a girl from the traumatizing experiences of these kinds of relationships.

love
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