I Almost Love You

For the most part, I spent my days studying and focusing on school. There was one girl that caught my attention that seemed to be different from the others. Her name was Katherine and she seemed just as focused on her studies as I was. The only reason I became introduced to her was that she was the little sister of one of my older buddies, Zach. It was Sunday as I stared down at the school work on my desk. Adjusting the frames of my glasses, I refocused my attention on my work and attempted to complete what I could.

“Did you hear the rumor?” I heard one of my classmates say as they whispered to another. “About Katherine?”

This grabbed my attention quickly since I had not heard anything from Katherine since last Friday. She was a classmate of mine that often hung around several of my buddies, though she usually did not talk to me. The weekend had passed quickly, bringing along Monday and another week full of classes at our high school. As I listened to the murmurs of the students around me, I looked out of the window next to my desk. So, what happened to Katherine then? The only reason I paid attention to that topic was that I had been planning to ask her out.

“No, I haven’t heard anything.” The other replied as the teacher walked in. “Oh, time for class. Tell me after.”

For the most part, I only talked to Zach, but he was nowhere to be found today. I never did get to hear what the rumor was concerning Katherine, as after class, the two gossiping girls completely disappeared. Even though Katherine was Zach’s younger sister, she was super smart, so we actually had some classes together. If she ever got stuck on an assignment, she would shyly come up to me to ask for help on it. I always thought that was adorable and did my best to help her understand it, even if I did not understand it myself.

How long have I been planning to ask her out? The thought curled through my mind as I made my way towards my locker, already planning to fight with it to get it open. Our lockers were supposed to be new, but the combination locks were old and did not like to work like they were supposed to. As I considered this, I looked at Zach’s locker next to mine curiously, mind still on where the missing siblings were. Shaking my head, I managed to get past my stubborn lock and open my locker to grab the books needed for my next class.

“David!” I winced at the voice coming from behind me. “You look a little lonely without the Moore siblings keeping you company. Did you hear what happened?”

This guy was John, a buddy that I sometimes talked to when Zach was out. He was noisy and obnoxious, but he was not a terrible guy. Just really annoying. I turned to look at him and leaned against the locker after grabbing my materials. First, he was smirking, before his hands fell to his sides. Thinking this strange, my eyebrow raised as I waited for him to say whatever he was thinking. His expression was solemn, almost sad. In fact, that was something I had noticed about everyone today. Was I the only one that was completely out of touch?

“Katherine was in a car accident Saturday afternoon.” When John raised his hand to his neck, his eyes averted slightly. “Apparently, she’s in pretty bad shape. Zach is at the hospital with their parents, at a complete loss over what to do.”

The books I had gathered for my next classes fell from my hands. She was in the hospital? That is why Zach had not reached out? Why was I the last to find out? No, that was a selfish thing to think, and not going to do me any good in the long run. Instead, I fought to get back into my locker, fumbling the entire time, and picked back up my dropped books. For the first time in forever, the last thing on my mind was my studies, and more on the concern making me nauseous. When I turned to look back at John, he was looking at me in shock.

“What hospital? Do you know what room she’s in?” The questions shot out of my mouth before I could stop them. “Standing around here is going to do nothing for me. Walk and talk.”

“Woah, I knew you guys were close friends, but I had no idea it was close enough to skip school,” John said putting his hand to my head. “Do you have a fever?”

“Get off me,” I said slapping his hand away. “I don’t like to repeat myself.”

“Okay, okay. Keep your pants on. She’s at the downtown hospital in the Intensive Care.” He replied pulling his now red hand away to shake it lightly. “I don’t know what room because they’re only letting family see her right now.”

Like a bolt of lightning, I took off down the hallway, ignoring the cries of my teachers who shouted that there was no running allowed. When I finally made it outside to my car, I pulled my keys from my pocket and looked at my hurried expression in the window of my car. I took a deep breath to calm my adrenaline rush so I would not end up in an accident as well. More than anything, I wanted to know that she was still alive, that she was still breathing, even if it was only thanks to the machines keeping her that way. I just wanted to see Katherine.

Once I sat in the car, I did my best to drive calmly to the hospital, though I think I can admit to running a few red lights. Pulling into the next available parking spot in the lot, I pulled out my cellphone and tapped on the button to text Zach. I at least wanted to let him know I was here so he would not be surprised, but I did not plan on waiting until he replied back to head up. Despite coming here, a lot as a child, I could never get used to the sterile scent of the halls or the overly bright lights almost blinding me as I walked through the door.

The elevator ride was uneventful, but grated on my nerves because of how slow it seemed to be. As each floor passed, I shoved my hands into my pockets and leaned against the wall, waiting for the thing to hurry up. Finally, I arrived at the floor of the Intensive Care Unit, and much to my surprise, it seemed Zach was standing just outside the door, waiting to go down. His shocked expression settled slightly as I nodded and he stepped into the elevator next to me. As he pressed the button for the first floor, his eyes turned to me.

“What are you doing here, David?” Zach’s voice sounded almost hollow as he talked, just as hollow as his eyes looked. “I know how much you care about your education so I didn’t want you to know. I knew you would show up if I told you.”

“Katherine is someone I’ve come to care a great deal for her.” My words seemed to make his eyes widen as if he just realized something. “Not like that.”

“You and she are just alike.” He mumbled as the elevator came to the first floor. “You wear your hearts on your sleeves.”

Apparently, Zach had been on his way to get something to eat from the cafeteria on the first floor. When we made it back up to the floor Katherine was on, he led me over to where his parents were sitting, their eyes widening as though they had not expected me there either. No one had expected me, top of our class, to give up my schooling to come here. Once we were seated, he turned to me as though to share the full details of what happened to her. Of course, I needed to know, needed to hear just how bad it was, so I could prepare myself, just in case.

“So, the accident. Saturday, Katherine was going to the store to pick up some supplies for the project you two were going to work on this weekend.” Zach started before his gaze fell to the floor. “For some reason, the brakes on the car went out and she couldn’t stop it. Fortunately, she was wearing the seatbelt, so there’s that, but when she hit the ditch, the car flipped a few times. The doctors say she should wake up anytime, though she’s not been responsive.”

I looked down to the floor. When Zach first introduced us last year, I found her to be as annoying as the other girls. But unlike them, she did not use an excessive amount of makeup or smell of overpowering perfume. When we debated topics, she would give logical explanations to her thoughts instead of emotionally charged explanations. She also was not right because she said she was. If and when she was right, it was because she managed to prove her point and I would concede to her. At this moment, I missed that. A doctor appeared causing us to stand.

“She’s awake. We haven’t noticed anything wrong with her brain waves.” The doctor said nodding to me. “Friends are allowed back there to see her now too. We received approval from her parents.”

“Thank you, Mister and Missus Moore,” I said turning to them. “I really appreciate it.”

“Of course. You’ve helped her study this past year.” Her mom said smiling softly, grateful tears pouring down her cheeks. “You are going to tell her how you feel right?”

It felt like she had struck me, causing me to flinch in surprise. Before I could confirm or deny what she said, Zach grabbed my arm and pulled me into the part of the Unit that contained the patient rooms. After walking a few steps, the door opened and there she was, swathe in her baby blue hospital gown, her red hair and glowing green eyes making her look like an angel, despite the machines beeping around her. Her gaze slowly rose from the bed to her brother, a smile pulling up the corner of her lips, her hands coming up to welcome him in, in her glee.

“Zach! You’re here!” Her voice sounded the same as always, causing my heart to skip a beat. “They said I’ve been sleeping for a couple of days.”

“Kathy, you’re awake,” I stated, causing her to startle and turn to look at me. “I’m so glad you’re alive.”

“Oh…” I watched as her eyes turned to Zach, her confusion clear. “Um…”

I could feel that same heart in my chest slowly beginning to sink. What…did that look mean? Wanting to rush past the negative thoughts in my head, I turned to look at Zach too, confused as to where to start. What could I say to her now that I was here? How did I explain that? I thought back to what her mom told me in the waiting room, shortly before we came back here. I should go ahead and tell her, as much as I would rather not do this in front of her brother. Sighing softly, I opened my mouth to speak, ready to put myself on the line when her voice practically made me freeze.

“Is this…” She started, her gaze coming back to me. “A friend of yours, Zach?”

Zach’s eyes widened before he turned to lock eyes with me. Did…did she just forget me? I felt like screaming, like running, like doing something, but all I could do was stand there, staring back at Zach as I tried to figure out what I was going to do. Should we…do we tell her who I am? Explain that I was just a close friend of hers that came to check on her? Or do we explain that I was here to support Zach since his little sister was in the hospital? What about these feelings that I have carried for her for the past six months? Do I own up to having them or could that harm her?

A while later, I was numbly sitting out in the waiting room. Almost. I almost confessed my feelings for her, even though she did not know who I was, or why I was there. I almost told her exactly how much I loved her and how much I wanted to be with her. According to the doctor, it was best to slowly reintroduce those memories over time. If I do that, she may only ever see me as a friend, never as something more. Putting my head in my hands I felt like screaming all over again. I should have confessed sooner. Now it was too late. Almost.

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