Hunger at the feet of new love.

Today I´ve decided to let you go. To abandon the idea of us as a couple. I´m learning to look at your eyes and believe that this is happening.. we are no longer we. We have left each other but still feels like I´m waiting one more time for you to fill my lungs with air…but no, it seems like if this was a desert storm holding through this glimpse of failure, distress, and sadness. We can never go back to where we were. Am I all of me with you? I do not wish for my soul to beg, I should be your choice and you should be mine. But this modern way of loving confuses me, as I think you are confused too. We are now two adults too afraid to stick around so now I am alone with myself… whatever that is.How nice it felt to be a part of your choice for a while…

I must wait, just put the pill inside my mouth to feel this human unsatisfaction repeat in my head over and over day after day, until one day … I am beyond thinking. I have left you because you will never love me, but who will? Now I must learn to love again since it´s a good thing to be in love in these rough times… gets you through the other side of expectations, still, I miss your scent, who I was beside you, without the shame, the judgments, and the hardships of life. Do we live upon our demands, our hopes, our dreams? Time passes and what do we do with the days between the years and the hours between the days? We get by… alone as we are. It´s better to let things go before they drag us under. How far is too far? I wish nothing more than to put these feelings to rest and I do regret not having the courage to imagine a life with you.

Who am I if I am not your treasure? Who am I if I am not a mother? Who am I if I am not appreciated? Who am I if I am not being flattered? Who am I in the midst of modern millennial relationships, if not a string to pull at, and who are you to me now?... My love for you will always rest onshore carrying the hope of acceptance and uncontrollable change. But now I want fresh flowers, painted yellow walls, be naked and barefoot and feel every breath that goes out of my mouth, to endure happiness and a single moment of truth and willing to love and to live it all over again… just for the sake of it.