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human addiction

by ASHLEY SMITH 2 years ago in love
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addicted to a person

I have had relatively few relationships for my age, indeed one of the earliest produced children so it lasted 18 years. Now I am for the first time ever struggling to survive without my fiancé near me. My mental health is poor at the moment, but this need is all very different. I look forward to my odd days off when I have the house to myself, but soon after the day starts, I want her home again. This from someone who spent a while single and was happy in his own company.

Our relationship is different in a few ways, often our time together is doing different things in the same room. One watching tv and the other watching u-tube. I keep looking at her to make sure she’s okay, often to make sure she's awake. Her mental health is not too good either so seeing her smiling or even laughing makes my day.

I have found no matter how bad I am helping someone else helps me, as a distraction usually. So, seeing my fiancé happy is a double win for me. Even though what she watches on u-tube annoys the hell out of me she loves it so will endure it. She laughs to about one in ten of my jokes so need help sometimes from other sources.

Although we differ greatly on some interests, we share others. Our music tastes for example are very different, although I am trying to convert her. We like similar tv and I am trying to show her things I like. Same with films and older programmes she might not know. Films like airplane and pulp fiction, though she didn’t really get why I like them so much.

Perhaps it’s time for the big reveal in this tale, she's 26 1/2 years younger than me. We feed off each other, we entertain each other, and we don't argue much. Even with the age difference we have both had bad relationships before and both know what ours is worth. I have had to teach her she deserves to be treated right. She is used to being told what to do and how to act, I won’t do that.

She knows that I am always honest, I can’t lie and maintain it. If she asks an opinion it will always end with " but it’s up to you". For example, I hate false eyelashes and false nails. The last time these were an issue she didn't wear the nails but did the eyelashes. I asked her not to wear either for our wedding but she said she always wanted the nails so she's will wear them.

I have had relationships where I might have dominated a bit, something I have inherited. It’s something I don't want to do but sometimes find happening. While my mental health is bad, I find it hard not to say what I feel or to hold back. I still try and always add the "but it’s up to you " caveat.

She spent a ridiculous amount on a picture that she liked of the both of us. It showed me as grey haired and wrinkly. While this is probably accurate it upset me but as she spent so much, I just said it wasn’t a great picture and made me look old. Unfortunately, everything in my reaction to it told her all she needed to know. It was after a few hours before I admitted how much it upset me.

It has not been a problem since as the picture has vanished. I would do the same if something I did caused the same reaction. I arranged the wedding day without asking her but after a few hours she is as excited as I am. This is a double success as I took her to a musical without asking her recently and she loved it despite reluctance. I heard words from her I haven't heard before, such as amazing.

I Just wonder how I will beat this, at least got six months to count down to our wedding to think. My father’s longest marriage started around the same age after two previous weddings. I have got there with one wedding and a couple of relationships. This is my last relationship as it’s the right one. It’s a big statement when I am approaching the middle of my life, I am convinced I am right though. This is the second longest relationship I have had and after nearly three years together I am as addicted as have ever been. Even now this is hard to write as she's in the next room asleep and I am here, even though only about 20 feet apart.

There have been many times where we haven't talked in 2 or 3 hours while in same house, being there is enough. Just walking past occasionally is enough or waking in the night and she's still there is enough. Even after over a thousand nights together I still check in the night to make sure this young and beautiful lady is still there with this old and ugly giant.

Whatever we have and however I attracted someone so much younger it works. It caused many comments early on and I expect more until we marry but for the first time in a while, I can’t wait to get married and to live happily ever after.

love

About the author

ASHLEY SMITH

England based carer, live with girlfriend. will write for all areas but especially mental health and disability. though as stuff for filthy seems popular will try there too

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