HUGS ARE FREE

HUGS ARE FREE

we all need them

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She’s my best friend. My heart bled for her as my arms wrapped around her in a fierce hug. “Oh, Reena, I’m so sorry What can I do?”

As soon as those words were out of my mouth, my brain kicked in gear and said to me: You moron! You automatically know what to do, what she needs. Don’t ask! Just do it!

My brain was right but at the time, my heart couldn’t hear it. Reena just lost her husband. In a way, it was no surprise. He’d been sick for quite a while but at the same time, there is always that small glimmer of hope that the dark cloud wouldn’t come too quickly – sometimes, you prayed for that miracle that it wouldn’t come at all.

Yet it did.

Sadness engulfed me. I’d known Reena and Neil for more than twenty years and his diagnoses of advanced lung cancer threw us for a loop. His only symptom was a cough. Hey, this is a very hot summer in Florida. Between the heat, humidity, allergies, red tide, and the new and increasing volume of Covid, it’s unusual to see someone not coughing or wearing those dreaded face masks.

Before too long, Neil began losing weight. He complained of extreme fatigue.

“I’ll be fine, damn it! It’s just a little cold. I don’t need a doctor!” Reena couldn’t count how many times Neil said this.

Then, one day, while walking from one room to another, he stumbled and fell. Wait, I should correct that. He didn’t just “stumble and fall”. He fainted! Reena didn’t hesitate. She dialed 9-1-1.

Neil awoke as they were loading the gurney in the ambulance. He wasn’t happy about it but resigned himself to the idea that the best place for him might be a few hours in the ER. Hopefully, he’d get a good diagnosis.

“Mags, can you come? I called the ambulance for Neil. Can you meet me in the ER?”

Without a second thought, I quickly got in my car and drove the fourteen miles to the hospital.

“Hi,” I began as I approached the desk. “The ambulance just brought in my brother-in-law and I’m here to support my sister.”

I gave them Neil’s name and an orderly escorted me into his tiny cubicle.

“Oh Reena, what the heck happened,” I whispered. I noticed Neil looked as though he were sleeping.

“Mags, I’m not sleeping. You don’t have to whisper.” I could hear it in his voice that he was annoyed on several levels. First, he didn’t like hospitals. Second, he felt ridiculous being transported in an ambulance. Third, he knew Reena would be worried and he wasn’t happy about that either. And finally, he felt hospitals were for the truly sick, not for someone like him who just felt tired.

“Okay, then, I won’t whisper.” I glared at him knowing a kind and comforting tone of voice would only irritate him more. “If you’re feeling that great, get up and leave.”

“Oh damn!” was all he said as the doctor walked in.

“I have the prelims from the EMTs. Your blood pressure is extremely low. When they arrived at your house, your respirations were through the roof. On your way here, they dropped to a more even level but also not great level. You fainted for a reason and we’re going to run tests to find out why. You’re going to be here a while.”

Reena was terrified. There was no way she could hide the fear and worry. It was in her eyes, on her entire face, in the smile she tried to force for Neil’s sake. “Hey, Babe, you really picked a lousy way to get out of cutting the grass.”

Neil also tried to smile but he couldn’t mask the fear he felt.

I’d been standing next to Reena but walked to Neil, leaned over, and gave him a huge hug. Before I stood more erect, the nurse walked in with all her paraphernalia for an IV. The doctor came back and instructed the nurse to bring back a scale.

Neil asked why. The doctor, trying to act nonchalant responded, “We’re just crossing all our T’s and dotting all our I’s.”

Neil and Reena looked at each other and became quiet. At this point, neither knew what to say.

After Neil’s weight was recorded, another nurse came in and via the IV, filled four vials with Neil’s blood.

Nurse one (finally found out her name was Amelia) came back and said that within the next ten minutes, Neil would be taken to his room.

I thought Neil was going to jump off the bed and start running. “Room? What do you mean ROOM?” He almost howled.

Ameila responded, “I’m so sorry, Mr. Jackson, I guess I beat the doctor here. You’re being admitted for more testing.”

Glancing at Reena, I thought for sure she was about to cry, but she didn’t. She held it in.

The doctor came back and informed Neil about the admission. “An orderly will be here in less than five minutes. At that time, he’ll be able to tell you what room you’ll be in.”

True to his word, Troy the Intern wandered in. I say “wandered” because he gave me the impression that he felt he had all the time in the world. Who knows? Maybe he did.

As soon as Neil was wheeled out of the ER cubical, Reena and I hugged. She squeezed me as though her life depended on that hug. “Mags, I’m so scared. What if it’s something serious?”

“Then, we’ll deal with it. We’ll find a way to get through it.”

That was almost one year ago.

Two months ago, Reena called me. “I’m so sorry to wake you but the ambulance just came for Neil. He fainted again and they can’t wake him up.” The time was almost three am.

I’m on my way. I arrived at her house while the EMTs were still there. Before I walked over to Reena, I asked the nearest EMT (whom I’d known for years), “How is he?” He lowered his head and sadly shook it. At that point, I knew Neil was gone.

Reena and I hugged again at Neil’s funeral. He had aggressive stage four lung cancer, and while the sickness took him faster than any of us anticipated, at least he didn’t have time to suffer.

I’m going to mention here that Reena and I are in the same exercise classes, and she’d taken time off for grieving. During one of our classes, I told several of the women she’d grown close to about Neil’s death. While they didn’t know Neil personally, every one of them was determined to rally around Reena.

It didn’t surprise me at all the first day after Neil’s funeral when Reena showed up for class.

Without one word, every woman in the class walked to where Reena stood and suddenly, one of them shouted GROUP HUG!

And that’s what we did.

Reena’s eyes misted but this time she didn’t cry and made it a point after class to walk to each woman in the group and hug them back.

Naturally, I was over the moon when she saved me for last and gave me an extremely fierce hug, “Thank you, my friend.”