How to lose a guy by cooking

This story is about my experiences with online dating. I found myself one day wondering how I could let the powers that be know that I was open to finding my soulmate. So I said it out loud, made a pact with my nephew that next time on New Years' eve we would need two cars and then I realized that I am a very shy person that doesn't even dare to smile at a cute guy. So how do I avoid the friend zone and admit that I'm interested in a person that I don't know yet? Scary stuff and I had to overcome a few issues that I knew were standing in the way of me having a go at a relationship. And since the world is ending and we can go nowhere, I figured that a dating app would come in handy.

So I am on this dating app right. I know, How can it be that I am still single? Well, I am working on that with a full profile on there.

I'll tell you that it ain't easy for a girl my age(50+) on there! Where most people look alright when they are young, the profile pictures I see now are not for the faint-hearted! I see a lot of Santa's and foggy men because the practices of wiping your lens down before you take a picture and the good and bad angles of taking selfies are lost on most men. But I got used to the amount of freshly caught big dead fish glaring at me. Haven't these fishermen noticed the lack of women on these no doubt exciting expeditions? Lots of men without any friends that will offer to take full-length pictures of them, so I get to see a variety of bathrooms and elevators in the backdrop. So enticing…

On this particular app, it is possible to go around the obvious chatting with only matches. And that is how one gets a lot of really elaborate messages…mostly Hi or hello. I don't even bother with those.

But sometimes an opening line triggers my polite upbringing and I feel the need to answer. This time it read that just looking at my photos made him really happy. So I replied with a 'your welcome!' And then heard my sister in my head sighing that modesty is a virtue and quickly added 'and thank you very much of course.' Got to keep my sis happy, right?

By that time I checked out his profile, yes, a clear case of "not in a million years" but a nice chat can do no harm. He was so nice enough to tell me he loved my photos after all.

So he went on by saying that he would love to see me in real life. I wisely said nothing to that remark. I don't want to meet him. He saw where I was from and he used to live in my city, asking if I ever heard from this area? I know all the parts of my town so yes.

Then he proceeded to tell me where his parents live, and where they were born. How thrilling to hear talk about your mom and dad right off the bat! He said out loud that he himself didn't know why he was telling me all this too. We laughed about it.

Then the chat took a fun turn when he called me a big spender when I told him in what part of town I live. So I took it there, yes money to throw around.

A little more on the cost of parking. Cause yes, it is crazy-expensive I agreed. But surely I would have a private parking space for him? Well, my doorman is unwilling to let new people in, and that I asked my butler to talk to him about it, so not sure.

Then he asked if I was wearing colored contacts? No this is all me, my friend. Ah, so you have gorgeous wild hair and beautiful eyes! , he said, so the real important question remains, are you a kind person? and do you know how to cook?

Ah yes! This was my chance! I told him no, I am not very nice and horrible with all things domestic.

Oh, WE will get a maid then, but there must be something you can cook really well?

Tea! was my answer.

That is where he had to cut me loose, he did really enjoy tea a lot. Even preferred it over coffee. But dining out every night was too much.

He said he was sorry, and I said well good thing you are on this dating app, you will find a woman that will fit his bill.

I know what woman he is looking for, after all, he told me about her already. His father is married to her.