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Some questions you should ask yourself-created by your designated lovestrucked and achy friend.

By Jay,when I writePublished 5 months ago 4 min read
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Hey y’all,

I’ll start by saying I am no stranger to the ole dating apps, crying over romcoms, and feeling like my chest is exploding (this was me last night), so I know a thing or two about the after aftermath. The time when you realize you’ll be just fine. I want to share how I know when I’ve moved on, and good questions to ask yourself to make sure you have moved on too.

1. Do you think about them as much as you used to when you were with them, and or when you broke up?

When you‘re scrolling through old memories

2. When you do think about them, does it sting like it did when you two first broke up or is it a fleeting thought that holds no weight?

The way you think about someone and how it makes you feel, is just as important as the amount of times you think about them. Are you still boohoo crying over the photos Google Memories so randomly show you (at your lowest point, or just when you think you’ve moved on for good) in that crappy little video they put together?

Or do you go, “huh, ok,” and move on with your day?

I was hurting over a “breakup“ (or whatever you call the ending of something that wasn’t quite finalized) at the end-the beginning of this year. Just two days ago, a friend said the exact thing this person said, and I didn’t even think about it for long enough for me to remember what it is that my friend said. I just remember thinking, “they said the same thing…”

As I type this, there’s no thought besides, “Would love to not make so many mistakes this time with my spelling just because I can’t type as fast as I think even though I type pretty darn fast.”

What about you? Are you having a hard time reading this? If the song they loved started playing right now, what would you do or feel?

3. Are you thinking, “Hey, there are other fish in the sea,” and when you do…

have you come to the realization that not only does the world not revolve around them, but there are other people that can be in your life in the same ways they were?

And when you think that there are others who exist do you immediately go, “yeah, but I don’t want them, I want *insert their name*”

This could be sort of alright if you’re willing to take the dating life slow and steady and think that maybe you want to date around even if you’re not necessarily over them.

*Caution* This may be harmful, and I don’t necessarily advise for this method (forget about someone by getting under someone new…or by simply grabbing a cup of joe with a new bo) or against it. I know that it can lead to different things for different people. It once worked for me to just push myself back out there and to not think about trying to “get ready,” while it also hurt me/someone else another time because I couldn’t give myself more to someone who wanted me and was great, and I liked them, just wasn‘t on their page because of heartache. It happens. So, be careful here. Just stay honest with everyone you meet. Tell ’em if it’s a one off or if you wanna take things really slow. That’s the only thing I can say you definitely should do: practice honesty and openness

Do you get excited/hopeful when you think of finding someone new?

That’s a major sign you’re over them. I mean, daydreaming and not adding your ex’s face to the person your walking along the beach with…yeah, you’re doing just fine.

Do you feel content lonely & or Less than a person without them

Alone and lonely are the opposite things.

This is the most important sign of them all. You shouldn’t feel like less of a person because they’re gone. You should be able to see yourself as the wonderful, full human being and not someone missing a piece of them.

I’m not saying “you shouldn’t remember how much happier you were, or how things were different.”

I’m not even saying “you shouldn’t want love.”

I mean, I love love. I crave it. I love that romantic junk. But, I know how to go do the things I did with them, without them. I have also found new things to do, and I am content, better yet, I’m happy doing these things.

Sure, you’ll totally have your moments of longing.

But, you shouldn’t feel like you need someone to be a person, or to be able to get through life well and merrily. A partner should add onto this joy, not be the main source of it.

And if you’re feeling lonely, then maybe that means to talk to family, friends, or go out and join a group more. It can help ease that pain because then you won’t be sitting in it all day alone.

Anywho, that’s all I have for you (That rhymed. I’ll be talking about How TO Know You’re A Poet And Didn’t Know It, next).

Good luck to you and your heart. Don’t worry you’ll find love again. You got this.

Thanks for reading. Peace.

listsinglehow tobreakups

About the Creator

Jay,when I write



23, Black, queer, yup

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    Jay,when I writeWritten by Jay,when I write

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